My mum won't talk to me because she knows I'm gay. What do I do?
I've never had the best relationship with my mum because she's been a hardcore Christian for the last 8 years. I'm 16, atheist, just finished my AS levels in year 12 and I'm out to some friends. Yesterday she looked through my texts while I was I the shower (general snooping), and read some texts from a gay friend I was meeting up with yesterday afternoon. She put the phone back, then followed me in the afternoon and saw me kissing the guy.
She confronted me about it when I got home, calling me evil, disgusting, a faggot, etc, and I told her that I'm gay. She kicked me out of the house (and refuses to take my calls), so I've had to go and live with my dad who is much nicer and doesn't care about my sexuality. I don't live with him because he lives across the county and my school and friends are in the same city as where my mum lives. I don't know what to do; I know she's entitled to her own beliefs about what's right and wrong, but obviously this has really upset me. I'm having to get a long bus to school and to see friends now to travel across the county. She's going around all her Christian friends and other people like other mums at school, calling me a faggot, slut, whatever she can. I have a 'perfect' Christian sister at uni, whom apparently I can't compare to. What can I do in this situation? Thanks you.
She confronted me about it when I got home, calling me evil, disgusting, a faggot, etc, and I told her that I'm gay. She kicked me out of the house (and refuses to take my calls), so I've had to go and live with my dad who is much nicer and doesn't care about my sexuality. I don't live with him because he lives across the county and my school and friends are in the same city as where my mum lives. I don't know what to do; I know she's entitled to her own beliefs about what's right and wrong, but obviously this has really upset me. I'm having to get a long bus to school and to see friends now to travel across the county. She's going around all her Christian friends and other people like other mums at school, calling me a faggot, slut, whatever she can. I have a 'perfect' Christian sister at uni, whom apparently I can't compare to. What can I do in this situation? Thanks you.
(edited 9 years ago)
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I must say aside to your choice or natural sexuality. No matter how your mother is with you we all owe to our mother's a huge huge favour, for her difficulty in carrying us in her womb, then in delivering, then in raising a baby which is incredibly difficult.
On top of that our mothers have, lets face it, invested a great deal of time and money in all of us.
Should we not be grateful?
I understand it is difficult as she is abusive, but in you respecting her back lovingly you can show her that despite your choice or natural sexuality you are her SON.
My views are similar to your mother's however i feel that not being grateful to your mother is a terrible thing and a sin in all major religion/methodology and morals.
btw my sister has had a baby so I see all these things first hand.
On top of that our mothers have, lets face it, invested a great deal of time and money in all of us.
Should we not be grateful?
I understand it is difficult as she is abusive, but in you respecting her back lovingly you can show her that despite your choice or natural sexuality you are her SON.
My views are similar to your mother's however i feel that not being grateful to your mother is a terrible thing and a sin in all major religion/methodology and morals.
btw my sister has had a baby so I see all these things first hand.
Original post by bluemax
stop being gay around her maybe?
I've never been gay around her; she only found out because she followed me around town.
Anyone not insane?
Right so disregard the above posters. Nothing is wrong with being gay.
The best thing you can do is get your dad to try and talk to your mum. If she doesn't see sense then you'll have to live with him until you're ready to go to university. It's awful when parents react badly and sometimes they come round and feel ashamed about their conduct, but if not, at least your dad loves you unconditionally.
If you need any advice send me a PM
The best thing you can do is get your dad to try and talk to your mum. If she doesn't see sense then you'll have to live with him until you're ready to go to university. It's awful when parents react badly and sometimes they come round and feel ashamed about their conduct, but if not, at least your dad loves you unconditionally.
If you need any advice send me a PM
Original post by Pectorac
Anyone nicer?
This video should help somewhat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxAa2Hd7q8k
I don't know why TSR won't let me embed videos, but this should give you some ideas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxAa2Hd7q8k
I don't know why TSR won't let me embed videos, but this should give you some ideas.
Original post by BefuddledPenguin
This video should help somewhat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxAa2Hd7q8k
I don't know why TSR won't let me embed videos, but this should give you some ideas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxAa2Hd7q8k
I don't know why TSR won't let me embed videos, but this should give you some ideas.
Thanks, that was quite a good video. What can I do about the rumours she's spreading about me?
Original post by Calllu-m
Right so disregard the above posters. Nothing is wrong with being gay.
The best thing you can do is get your dad to try and talk to your mum. If she doesn't see sense then you'll have to live with him until you're ready to go to university. It's awful when parents react badly and sometimes they come round and feel ashamed about their conduct, but if not, at least your dad loves you unconditionally.
If you need any advice send me a PM
The best thing you can do is get your dad to try and talk to your mum. If she doesn't see sense then you'll have to live with him until you're ready to go to university. It's awful when parents react badly and sometimes they come round and feel ashamed about their conduct, but if not, at least your dad loves you unconditionally.
If you need any advice send me a PM
Thank you. I'll try to get my dad to talk her her, but I doubt it will have any affect as she's so set in her religious ways. What can I do about the rumours she's spreading about me? If I do live with my dad I'll have to live with him until September next year, which involves quite a long time of travelling to and from the two cities =/
Well for the most part she'll be spreading these childish rumours just around a small circle of other mums, given that this is the 21st century I can't imagines that they would genuinely listen to a woman who calls her own son a fagott. If they do then those women are the sort of people you should be avoiding anyway. All you can do is try your best to educate your mum on the nature of homosexuality. If that is impossible then I would just stay with your dad and cut your mum out of your life for a while.
Original post by Pectorac
Thank you. I'll try to get my dad to talk her her, but I doubt it will have any affect as she's so set in her religious ways. What can I do about the rumours she's spreading about me? If I do live with my dad I'll have to live with him until September next year, which involves quite a long time of travelling to and from the two cities =/
There's nothing really you can do apart from tell your friends it isn't true. How far are the two cities? Can you drive? It'll be hard but it'll be a better environment for you to be in during your last year of school.
Original post by Calllu-m
There's nothing really you can do apart from tell your friends it isn't true. How far are the two cities? Can you drive? It'll be hard but it'll be a better environment for you to be in during your last year of school.
I'm 16 and I'm not 17 until near the end of August, so I'll have to wait until then for lessons. My dad can drive me to see friends and to go to school sometimes but not all the time, otherwise it's about an hour's bus which I guess isn't too bad, but it's not ideal. Would it be a good idea to tell my school what's going on, even though my AS exams have finished and the summer holidays start in a couple of weeks?
Original post by Pectorac
I've never had the best relationship with my mum because she's been a hardcore Christian for the last 8 years. I'm 16, atheist, just finished my AS levels in year 12 and I'm out to some friends. Yesterday she looked through my texts while I was I the shower (general snooping), and read some texts from a gay friend I was meeting up with yesterday afternoon. She put the phone back, then followed me in the afternoon and saw me kissing the guy.
She confronted me about it when I got home, calling me evil, disgusting, a faggot, etc, and I told her that I'm gay. She kicked me out of the house (and refuses to take my calls), so I've had to go and live with my dad who is much nicer and doesn't care about my sexuality. I don't live with him because he lives across the county and my school and friends are in the same city as where my mum lives. I don't know what to do; I know she's entitled to her own beliefs about what's right and wrong, but obviously this has really upset me. I'm having to get a long bus to school and to see friends now to travel across the county. She's going around all her Christian friends and other people like other mums at school, calling me a faggot, slut, whatever she can. I have a 'perfect' Christian sister at uni, whom apparently I can't compare to. What can I do in this situation? Thanks you.
She confronted me about it when I got home, calling me evil, disgusting, a faggot, etc, and I told her that I'm gay. She kicked me out of the house (and refuses to take my calls), so I've had to go and live with my dad who is much nicer and doesn't care about my sexuality. I don't live with him because he lives across the county and my school and friends are in the same city as where my mum lives. I don't know what to do; I know she's entitled to her own beliefs about what's right and wrong, but obviously this has really upset me. I'm having to get a long bus to school and to see friends now to travel across the county. She's going around all her Christian friends and other people like other mums at school, calling me a faggot, slut, whatever she can. I have a 'perfect' Christian sister at uni, whom apparently I can't compare to. What can I do in this situation? Thanks you.
nothing you can do about it. she's the one with the problem.
although christians love making people feel guilty. i guess you could get a photograph of your self as a child n send her a letter with the photo saying something like "im sorry I didnt grow up to be how you wanted me to be. i still love you mum. even if you dont love me."
probably won't change ****. but it should put you in a superior position of righteousness and would make it harder for her to be an ass about it.
Original post by Pectorac
I'm 16 and I'm not 17 until near the end of August, so I'll have to wait until then for lessons. My dad can drive me to see friends and to go to school sometimes but not all the time, otherwise it's about an hour's bus which I guess isn't too bad, but it's not ideal. Would it be a good idea to tell my school what's going on, even though my AS exams have finished and the summer holidays start in a couple of weeks?
Yeah it would and if the stress continues you may get extenuating circumstances in your exams next year if your mother continues the hostility. Live with your dad until you go to uni, it'll hopefully be fine in the long run. I'm sorry your mother is so ignorant!
I have a lot of sympathy for you. My devoutly christian mother -in - law is so rabidly homophobic, it is scary to watch her in full flow. I am pretty sure her grandson is gay and he will never have the chance to come out.
I think you need to talk to your school. They will have access to social services who may be able to find you a place to live.
Also look at Stonewall http://www.youngstonewall.org.uk
Look at least you have your dad. And if you have to travel over a hour to get to school that is not so bad. I had to take two buses and a mile walk and it took me an hour and a half. Good luck
I think you need to talk to your school. They will have access to social services who may be able to find you a place to live.
Also look at Stonewall http://www.youngstonewall.org.uk
Look at least you have your dad. And if you have to travel over a hour to get to school that is not so bad. I had to take two buses and a mile walk and it took me an hour and a half. Good luck
Being gay isn't a choice. It's who you are and you shouldn't change for anybody.
If I were you I'd tell my mum to **** off and that there's more truth to the Twilight Saga than the big book of bull**** bible. If she doesn't accept you the it's her loss, not yours.
Your dad accepts and loves you. Live with him.
If I were you I'd tell my mum to **** off and that there's more truth to the Twilight Saga than the big book of bull**** bible. If she doesn't accept you the it's her loss, not yours.
Your dad accepts and loves you. Live with him.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Pectorac
I've never been gay around her; she only found out because she followed me around town.
Anyone not insane?
Anyone not insane?
Okay, nevermind the earlier post. Look I doubt there is anything you can do given the fact that your mum is such a staunch Christian. Plus it would be useless to hope that she may warm up to idea of gay anytime soon.
what you can do and probably the only thing you can do is live with your dad for now. You still have your A2 to go and if your mom refuses to keep you in the house, you'll either have to transfer somewhere where your dad lives or hope that your gay pal can let you move in with him for a year until its time for uni.
Hey ignore all the horrible comments these people are leaving you they are being just as childish as your mum. Don't change yourself for anyone hun. Be who you want to be and live your life to the full the way you want not what someone else wants you to be or live!! We get once chance at life so make it as happy as you can ! X
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