Had sex with his best friend...

TomWas'Ere2015

Okay, hear me out - I didn't cheat or anything. Basically I've been with my bf for around 8/9 months now, however he thinks I was a virgin before him.. But the truth is, I wasn't. Before I was with him, I had a 'thing' with his best friend.. we both decided not to mentioned it to him as frankly I'm scared it will destroy the whole relationship as it's his best friend and I think his trust for me will just go.. I didn't say anything when we first started going out, because it was his best friend and I didn't even know how serious the relationship was going to get, so I panicked when he asked about previous relationship stuff and said I'd never had done anything like that (which I now realise was a mistake) and since then I can't go back on what I said, so it's just got out of proportion... I know I didn't cheat and it was before I was with him, but still.. I don't know what to do. I have no feelings for his best friend whatsoever, and would never go there, and I care about my boyfriend so much, but I'm scared that if he finds out he'll feel uncomfortable when he's around either of us, and he'll be furious at both of us.. but at the same time I feel so guilty for not saying anything..
I don't know what to do, because I can just see him flipping out knowing that his best mate and his gf have slept together, tbh anyone would..
Any advice?:L

Right it was before you were together? So you didmt cheat and your in the clear.
Be transparent, sounds to me that your not that nice by lying in the first place, though this post shows some hope. If he gets angry or whatever, its not your problem, and he aint that nice himself...

Just my tuppence worth

Reply 21

RelationshipGuru

might as well **** his best friend again!

Reply 22

AnaJay

2

Original post by Anonymous

Okay, hear me out - I didn't cheat or anything. Basically I've been with my bf for around 8/9 months now, however he thinks I was a virgin before him.. But the truth is, I wasn't. Before I was with him, I had a 'thing' with his best friend.. we both decided not to mentioned it to him as frankly I'm scared it will destroy the whole relationship as it's his best friend and I think his trust for me will just go.. I didn't say anything when we first started going out, because it was his best friend and I didn't even know how serious the relationship was going to get, so I panicked when he asked about previous relationship stuff and said I'd never had done anything like that (which I now realise was a mistake) and since then I can't go back on what I said, so it's just got out of proportion... I know I didn't cheat and it was before I was with him, but still.. I don't know what to do. I have no feelings for his best friend whatsoever, and would never go there, and I care about my boyfriend so much, but I'm scared that if he finds out he'll feel uncomfortable when he's around either of us, and he'll be furious at both of us.. but at the same time I feel so guilty for not saying anything..
I don't know what to do, because I can just see him flipping out knowing that his best mate and his gf have slept together, tbh anyone would..
Any advice?:L

OMG you're all being so harsh on her!! Give her a break! She didn't mean to "manipulate" her bf! She just panicked at the situation and reacted thinking what she did might be for the best. It ended up not being the case. But that's okay, people make mistakes!

Has it honestly not happened to anyone to panic and blurt out something or make abrupt decisions that you soon after regret? She clearly regrets having lied but just doesn't see a way out without hurting her bf and risking their relationship.

Honey, don't listen to the rude comments a lot of people have posted!

Here's my advice. I think you should tell him. If you really care about him and look for a long-term relationship with him, it's for the best! Sure, he'll be mad at first, but he will appreciate your honesty and will understand the struggle you went through to tell him the truth after having the guilt of a lie gnaw in on you. And if he really loves you and cares for you and your relationship together, he'll eventually forgive you. If he is not open-hearted and open-minded enough to understand that people make mistakes and decides to break up with you, that will be that. You'll surely find someone with a bigger soul!

Good luck! :wink:

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 23

AnaJay

2

Original post by RelationshipGuru

might as well **** his best friend again!

That advice sure is guru material there!

Reply 24

Smilin’ Knight

12

@OP better for him to find out now than finding out from his drunk best man on his stag do. :redface:

tell him, say its been playing on your mind and you just want to get it out there

Posted from TSR Mobile

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 25

Joshale

19

well it's going to hurt, expect a bit of insecure feelings from him

Reply 26

ridirahman

8

Just tell him the truth.. I mean what's the point of being in a relationship if you can't even be honest with each other? And if you're not really serious about this relationship or think that you guys have no future then forget it- don't need to tell him. But if you do really like him and gonna be with him for a long time(future) then tell him!

Reply 27

Golem.

4

Original post by NutE

See this is what I hate about relationships. Why can't people just be honest with each other and tell them things that can/will affect their relationship? If you just answered his question honestly, you wouldn't be in this position feeling sh*tty, would you? Figure it out on your own, and learn from your mistakes. It's a good job mistakes are supposed to be silly, so if you do something like this again then you're just plain silly and don't deserve being in a relationship. Damn.

Posted from TSR Mobile

My god. Some people on here are so judgemental? She said so herself she made a mistake and she panicked? Some people are acting like they're perfect, and it pisses me off
It's not like she cheated and deliberately tried to hurt him?

-.-
OP if I were you, I would just tell him, it's gonna hurt like a bitch, but hopefully he takes it from the perspective that you didn't actually do anything deliberately wrong.. the only thing you're at blame for is not telling him at the start of the relationship. If he sees this then he should (hopefully) understand. But it'll take him a while to cool off

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 28

Isla626

5

All I'm gonna say is..
If you feel guilty about it - which you clearly do - tell him.
Keeping a secret like this will drive you insane...

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 29

Another

21

Original post by icdjabtjk

x

All it took you was a year and a half and ONE PERSON to turn into a lunatic. Seriously, everyone's been hurt before, what makes you special is that you've somehow turned yourself into a gigantic hateful piece of work in the process. After only a year and a half, mind you. Have I mentioned how short a time frame 1.5 years is yet? Seriously, I've known people for longer than that and I don't even know their last name. On the other hand, you've managed to let a cheating gf destroy your perspective on life, the way you live your lifestyle, and your eating habits. Once again... Good job.

Yes you've been cheated on and it's horrible, but what you're now intent on doing is spreading that same pain to everyone else you come into contact with. Instead of solving a problem, you only want to create more issues on a mass scale (Because if you're sad, why does anyone else deserve happiness!). You son, need some perspective. There's no difference between you, and a girl who turns into a man hating feminazi because of one failed relationship that happened 5 years ago.

Reply 30

THE-BOSS

1

The right thing to do is tell him, eventhough he will flip out at least you're being honest and that's the best thing in a relationship. BUT you could leave it and hopes he doesn't know in case it'll ruin your relationship but not telling him will ruin it in the long run.

Had sex with his best friend...

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