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Online dating advice needed!

I'm in a really difficult situation and just don't know what to do. There's nobody I can turn to to ask for advice so I think this is the best place for me to ask. This will be a very long post just to warn you but I'd really appreciate it if you took the time to read it and reply with some advice.
First off I just want to start off by saying a few things before I go into detail.
Please don't tell me that he's just using me for one thing and one thing only. (I mean, in away I guess he is)
Please don't tell me that I will just end up hurt in the end.
So basically I decided to set myself up on an online dating site with the intentions of meeting new people and just seeing where it goes from there. Two days gone and I had no luck really. On the third day of me being on the site a guy messaged me. He was 26, I'm 20. So I decided to ignore it as I felt he was slightly out of my age range (too old). His first message read something along the lines of "you're stunning, I know I'm a little older than you but I'd really like to talk". I had a look at his profile he wasn't at all unattractive but he wasn't the kind of guy I could see myself being with. He seemed like a nice guy from reading his profile but I felt the age gap was too much. So I ignored his message. A couple of hours later he messaged me again. I decided to talk to him. He asked me what I was looking for on here and I told him. We didn't really send many messages on there maybe about 5. Then he asked me for my number so we could text instead. I told him I'd rather chat on the site for a bit first. He left me his number anyway and said text me if you like. That was that. The next day I decided to text him on his number. We didn't do the usual chat, like asking what each others hobbies are, do you have pets blah blah blah. Instead he wanted to make it very clear to me that he wasn't ready for something serious just yet. He said he just wanted to make new friends or casual sex, and if it lead to something else then fine. For some reason I already really liked this guy he was pretty interesting. There was something about him. He asked me was I ok with that because if not he would back off now. I told him I'd still like to chat with him. He then went on to say how he finds me far too attractive to stay "just friends" still I was ok with talking to him. We carried on texting, sending flirty messages. With him telling me what he'd "like to do to me". You're probably thinking red flags should be going up by now. But I still chatted to him despite all the sex talk. He then went on to ask me what I've done sexually, from my replies he gathered I was a virgin. Which changed things slightly. He told me this whole thing may not be the best idea as he didn't want to hurt me. He didn't want me to develop feelings for him, he said I seem a really nice person and he didn't want to do anything to hurt me. Telling me I deserve better for my first time. I told him I was ok with it and I liked talking to him, and I was fine to go along with everything we spoke about. The chat ended there. The next day i wake to him calling me on my phone. Now I'm a super shy person so I didn't answer it. I text him asking why he called. He said he just wanted to talk. Wanted to hear my voice. From my dating profile he new I was shy. I reminded him of this and told him I may go really quiet on the phone and things could be awkward. He said that's fine he will keep talking just don't worry about things. I decided to call him. We chatted a little he asked me how I was, what I was up to. That sort of stuff. He could tell how shy I was and said it was really cute and he then went on to tell me that actually he already really likes me. (Slightly confused about that statement as he still says he wanted to keep things casual) We went on to chat on the phone for about 20 mins he did talk some sexy talk again. He asked me am I ok with him talking like that he will stop if I want. I told him I was fine with it. He asked me again am I 100% sure I was ok with him being the first person I sleep with I said yes. He then went on to say how he wanted to meet me. I told him I wasn't ready to meet him just yet. I told him I was scared. Which then he said I don't think it's a good idea we meet, you deserve better blah blah. We ended the convo there. Later that day we spoke again over the phone. He was saying that if I'm too scared to even meet him then it's not a good idea me sleeping with him. He didn't believe i was ready. He said we shouldn't talk I don't want to hurt you, you're too nice. It then got a little strange. Not strange as such but he basically started giving me life advice lol. He said to me I need to be a little braver and push myself sometimes and all this other stuff, which really got to me because it was true what he was saying. It was just a little strange that this person I didn't really know was giving me advice like this. He seemed like such as nice person at that moment. After all that he said we could keep in touch over text if i like which I said yes. We ended it there and said goodbye. It's now the next day and we haven't spoke. I'm not really sure when I should text him again.
So. I'm sorry this is so long. But basically I really like him. And I do want to meet him. And I do want to do all the stuff with him that we talked about. Now I know what you're all thinking, but I'm not a little kid I know what i could be getting myself into.
Here's my problem. He's seen three photos of me. Two were face pics only. He could only see my face. The other was full body. Now I'm not saying I look a totally different person in the pictures but I did take them in such a way that they "hid" certain things about me. I got my best angles, you know? On my dating profile I put myself down for the body type as "a little extra" when I was talking to him over text he asked me why as in the two face pics he said I look fairly normal, small even. He asked could he see a full body pic. I was a little scared doing this but after taking about 6 photos I finally got one I was ok with. I sent it to him, he said if I'm honest I can't see much with all the baggy clothing but what I've seen so far I like. He then said and anyway I don't like skinny girls. I just really don't think he's going to like my body at all as he's a sporty person, so I'm guessing he's got a really good body. And me well, I'm probably 2/3 stone over weight. I have double chin and my stomach is far from flat. My boobs, well this is what I'm most self conscious about. I absolutely hate them, they're big, a horrible shape and far from perky. They look like they could belong to a 90 year old woman. So, how can someone like him, with what I'd imagine to have a very athletic body be interested in me. I'm scared if we met in person he'd be completely turned off. I'm 100% sure he would not like my body or me at all. Making it all so awkward. I really want to meet him, but my looks is what's stopping me. I honestly don't know what to do. Also he lives about 20 mins away from me!
Also. I know he's not a murderer or a creep because I will be honest I did do a bit of Facebook/Instagram stalking (what can I say I had to make sure!) and he is who he says he is. Looks a normal guy and just like I thought he looks like he is very in shape body wise, probably works out. So when he said he's not into skinny girls anyway I'm pretty sure he didn't mean overweight girls with granny boobs. Please just help me. Have any of you been in the same position? Or perhaps been in the guys position.. Met a girl online and she didn't look exactly how you thought from seeing her pics. How did that go?
Really confused right now. Sorry for this being so long I just need some help, very soon. Thank you.
Reply 1
Holy great wall of text batman.

Paragraphs. And fast. Noone is going to read that.
Reply 2
Original post by Drewski
Holy great wall of text batman.

Paragraphs. And fast. Noone is going to read that.


I did just to spite you.

If he's after casual sex he might not be too picky OP but in the future try not to catfish him and use proper pics / description.
this chap seems to have been very gentlemanly from what you have said. if you do decide to meet up with him obviously take the usual dating precautions...
Original post by whorace
I did just to spite you.

If he's after casual sex he might not be too picky OP but in the future try not to catfish him and use proper pics / description.


I don't feel like I catfished him as such. I don't look like a completely different person in my photos. It's not like I photoshopped them or edited them in anyway, I just took good photos from good angles. Like he wouldn't not recognise me. He would probably just be shocked perhaps that my body is maybe not what he thought. I don't know. Maybe you are right. Perhaps I should tell him over the phone somehow. But I don't know how. I can't just be like oh by the way I'm actually pretty fat you still cool with that. Uhh I don't know. I've never been this confused before :/ I haven't stopped thinking about the whole situation...
Original post by gingerbreadwoman
I'm in a really difficult situation and just don't know what to do. There's nobody I can turn to to ask for advice so I think this is the best place for me to ask. This will be a very long post just to warn you but I'd really appreciate it if you took the time to read it and reply with some advice.
First off I just want to start off by saying a few things before I go into detail.
Please don't tell me that he's just using me for one thing and one thing only. (I mean, in away I guess he is)
Please don't tell me that I will just end up hurt in the end.
So basically I decided to set myself up on an online dating site with the intentions of meeting new people and just seeing where it goes from there. Two days gone and I had no luck really. On the third day of me being on the site a guy messaged me. He was 26, I'm 20. So I decided to ignore it as I felt he was slightly out of my age range (too old). His first message read something along the lines of "you're stunning, I know I'm a little older than you but I'd really like to talk". I had a look at his profile he wasn't at all unattractive but he wasn't the kind of guy I could see myself being with. He seemed like a nice guy from reading his profile but I felt the age gap was too much. So I ignored his message. A couple of hours later he messaged me again. I decided to talk to him. He asked me what I was looking for on here and I told him. We didn't really send many messages on there maybe about 5. Then he asked me for my number so we could text instead. I told him I'd rather chat on the site for a bit first. He left me his number anyway and said text me if you like. That was that. The next day I decided to text him on his number. We didn't do the usual chat, like asking what each others hobbies are, do you have pets blah blah blah. Instead he wanted to make it very clear to me that he wasn't ready for something serious just yet. He said he just wanted to make new friends or casual sex, and if it lead to something else then fine. For some reason I already really liked this guy he was pretty interesting. There was something about him. He asked me was I ok with that because if not he would back off now. I told him I'd still like to chat with him. He then went on to say how he finds me far too attractive to stay "just friends" still I was ok with talking to him. We carried on texting, sending flirty messages. With him telling me what he'd "like to do to me". You're probably thinking red flags should be going up by now. But I still chatted to him despite all the sex talk. He then went on to ask me what I've done sexually, from my replies he gathered I was a virgin. Which changed things slightly. He told me this whole thing may not be the best idea as he didn't want to hurt me. He didn't want me to develop feelings for him, he said I seem a really nice person and he didn't want to do anything to hurt me. Telling me I deserve better for my first time. I told him I was ok with it and I liked talking to him, and I was fine to go along with everything we spoke about. The chat ended there. The next day i wake to him calling me on my phone. Now I'm a super shy person so I didn't answer it. I text him asking why he called. He said he just wanted to talk. Wanted to hear my voice. From my dating profile he new I was shy. I reminded him of this and told him I may go really quiet on the phone and things could be awkward. He said that's fine he will keep talking just don't worry about things. I decided to call him. We chatted a little he asked me how I was, what I was up to. That sort of stuff. He could tell how shy I was and said it was really cute and he then went on to tell me that actually he already really likes me. (Slightly confused about that statement as he still says he wanted to keep things casual) We went on to chat on the phone for about 20 mins he did talk some sexy talk again. He asked me am I ok with him talking like that he will stop if I want. I told him I was fine with it. He asked me again am I 100% sure I was ok with him being the first person I sleep with I said yes. He then went on to say how he wanted to meet me. I told him I wasn't ready to meet him just yet. I told him I was scared. Which then he said I don't think it's a good idea we meet, you deserve better blah blah. We ended the convo there. Later that day we spoke again over the phone. He was saying that if I'm too scared to even meet him then it's not a good idea me sleeping with him. He didn't believe i was ready. He said we shouldn't talk I don't want to hurt you, you're too nice. It then got a little strange. Not strange as such but he basically started giving me life advice lol. He said to me I need to be a little braver and push myself sometimes and all this other stuff, which really got to me because it was true what he was saying. It was just a little strange that this person I didn't really know was giving me advice like this. He seemed like such as nice person at that moment. After all that he said we could keep in touch over text if i like which I said yes. We ended it there and said goodbye. It's now the next day and we haven't spoke. I'm not really sure when I should text him again.
So. I'm sorry this is so long. But basically I really like him. And I do want to meet him. And I do want to do all the stuff with him that we talked about. Now I know what you're all thinking, but I'm not a little kid I know what i could be getting myself into.
Here's my problem. He's seen three photos of me. Two were face pics only. He could only see my face. The other was full body. Now I'm not saying I look a totally different person in the pictures but I did take them in such a way that they "hid" certain things about me. I got my best angles, you know? On my dating profile I put myself down for the body type as "a little extra" when I was talking to him over text he asked me why as in the two face pics he said I look fairly normal, small even. He asked could he see a full body pic. I was a little scared doing this but after taking about 6 photos I finally got one I was ok with. I sent it to him, he said if I'm honest I can't see much with all the baggy clothing but what I've seen so far I like. He then said and anyway I don't like skinny girls. I just really don't think he's going to like my body at all as he's a sporty person, so I'm guessing he's got a really good body. And me well, I'm probably 2/3 stone over weight. I have double chin and my stomach is far from flat. My boobs, well this is what I'm most self conscious about. I absolutely hate them, they're big, a horrible shape and far from perky. They look like they could belong to a 90 year old woman. So, how can someone like him, with what I'd imagine to have a very athletic body be interested in me. I'm scared if we met in person he'd be completely turned off. I'm 100% sure he would not like my body or me at all. Making it all so awkward. I really want to meet him, but my looks is what's stopping me. I honestly don't know what to do. Also he lives about 20 mins away from me!
Also. I know he's not a murderer or a creep because I will be honest I did do a bit of Facebook/Instagram stalking (what can I say I had to make sure!) and he is who he says he is. Looks a normal guy and just like I thought he looks like he is very in shape body wise, probably works out. So when he said he's not into skinny girls anyway I'm pretty sure he didn't mean overweight girls with granny boobs. Please just help me. Have any of you been in the same position? Or perhaps been in the guys position.. Met a girl online and she didn't look exactly how you thought from seeing her pics. How did that go?
Really confused right now. Sorry for this being so long I just need some help, very soon. Thank you.


No one is going to read any of that.

Do you know that with the rise of twitter, people's attention spans significantly drop after the 140th character?

No issue is too complex to summarise in a few brief sentences. If you want help, cut down on like 95% of the wording
Original post by Gucci Mane.
No one is going to read any of that.

Do you know that with the rise of twitter, people's attention spans significantly drop after the 140th character?

No issue is too complex to summarise in a few brief sentences. If you want help, cut down on like 95% of the wording


You're probably right. Think I'll go ahead and make another much shorter post.
If you wouldn't mind giving it a read now i would appreciate it. Thanks. http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3975755
(edited 8 years ago)

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