MHAW- Experiencing stress at Oxbridge

OP

@ The_Lonely_Goatherd : Apologies if I am waking a memory you are trying to forget.
First, I admire how brave you are and the honesty in all your responses which will help thousand others.
Only if you are Ok, like to hear your feedback on ;

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When looking back, do you single out the pathetic behaviour of that bully as the 'only' trigger? or was it the "Final straw' of many other stress factors build up to that point?

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How do you consider the bully's approach as ; a general bad guy can find in any Uni/society?, race related? (racist/bigot) or class related ?

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When this started, did you share the situation and opened yourself up to any Oxford mates? non-Oxford mates? and your family? if so what was their support?

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Was there anything you could have done to stop it before spiralling?

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Did you see this kind of things happening mainly to minority or this is common among all groups?

Finally I think you should think about writing a book about this experience in very open and honest view

Hiya

Thanks for your feedback and your questions. To answer them in turn:

•

I think the student bully's behaviour towards me was the start of many problems that I faced, and happened to be a big one because he lived next door to me (so couldn't easily avoid him). Note that I faced a lot of problems at Oxford that I haven't written about in this thread, because it would scare people too much and isn't pleasant to remember :no: So for me, his behaviour was the start of many problems over the three years, rather than the straw that broke the camel's back

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With hindsight, I can see that my presence at Oxford (especially not having got the required AAA grades) was jarring for the student bully and played into a lot of his own insecurities. (My college tutor was actually the one who pointed this out to me, saying student bully would have been insecure because I got better grades than him at AS Level, despite my coming from a comprehensive school and him having attended a private school. His grades were - comparatively - so poor that he'd been forced to apply during a gap year to stand any chance of getting in!) Student bully also admitted he'd never had an Asian friend before or really had to interact with Asians before, so there was that! A lot of what happened would be termed microaggressions and bullying, though he did say racist and classist things to me. I suspect there probably are characters like this at every good university, yes

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I didn't share any of the bullying with anyone at Oxford until late into the summer term, during our first year exam period. I did tell my family about some of it but there wasn't much they could say or do, other than listen to me cry down the phone :colondollar:

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In hindsight, I should have nipped it in the bud by telling him that his behaviour was unacceptable and that I would be reporting it. That would have stopped it from spiralling

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I think some of the things I experienced can happen at any good uni, to minoritised students. I think (or at least naively hope) the amount of things that happened to me wouldn't happen to many other people - and I now know that my college at least has taken a more serious and professional stance towards welfare matters and how they're dealt with and by who

Reply 21

Anonymous #2

@The_Lonely_Goatherd : Thanks so much for your time to reply to the points which are very helpful (though, in my case not in an Oxford context). Hope you are doing OK now and wish you all the very best...

Reply 22

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

Original post by Anonymous #2

@The_Lonely_Goatherd : Thanks so much for your time to reply to the points which are very helpful (though, in my case not in an Oxford context). Hope you are doing OK now and wish you all the very best...

You're welcome. Thank you! :h:

Reply 23

Lugg13

13

I’m sorry for coming to this thread so late. I’m glad you are doing better now. I was wondering what holidays are like at Oxford: are they stressful? How much uni work would you have to do during a holiday and did you have to get a job too? (Only answer what you want to answer of course)

Reply 24

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

Original post by Lugg13

I’m sorry for coming to this thread so late. I’m glad you are doing better now. I was wondering what holidays are like at Oxford: are they stressful? How much uni work would you have to do during a holiday and did you have to get a job too? (Only answer what you want to answer of course)

Hiya!

Thanks for your post! Am struggling with psychosis tonight but will try and reply tomorrow. Poke me if I forget :colondollar:

Reply 25

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

Original post by Lugg13

I’m sorry for coming to this thread so late. I’m glad you are doing better now. I was wondering what holidays are like at Oxford: are they stressful? How much uni work would you have to do during a holiday and did you have to get a job too? (Only answer what you want to answer of course)

Hi again,

In all honesty, I don't remember much about the uni holidays at Oxford! I usually spent most of them trying to recover from term-time stress and illness, I think. In my subject, I don't think we were given much holiday work but we had mock exams at the start of each new term (bar the first term of first year, and first term of second year), so had to revise for those.

I was on a full Oxford bursary of £10K over my three years, so there was no need for me to get a job during the holidays :nah:

Reply 26

Lugg13

13

Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd

Hi again,
In all honesty, I don't remember much about the uni holidays at Oxford! I usually spent most of them trying to recover from term-time stress and illness, I think. In my subject, I don't think we were given much holiday work but we had mock exams at the start of each new term (bar the first term of first year, and first term of second year), so had to revise for those.
I was on a full Oxford bursary of £10K over my three years, so there was no need for me to get a job during the holidays :nah:

Ah ok. Thank you!

MHAW- Experiencing stress at Oxbridge

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