The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Anonymous

This is someone from the LDR society, I'm posting anon just so it can't be tracked by a certain someone, I think you'll know who it is when I describe the situation but I don't want to use names in case the person reads it.

Well anyway I've been in another country living with my girlfriend for the last 4 months (if you haven't guessed by that, you're on your own :p:

) and now I'm home she's said she's missing me loads and has cried a lot and stuff. Something is worrying me though - I don't really miss her at all, I'm not bothered that she's not here :s-smilie:

I don't like feeling like it, but I can't help it :/ Maybe it's because I've been busy, what with going down to London and all, or maybe I just accept that we can't be together for another few weeks, and I'm used to it from other times.

Anyone else feel like this when you leave your partner? As I said, I really don't like feeling like this :frown:

im in a similar situation but my bf wants to break up with me over it and im devastated hes angry with me for being apart from him and being busy and says i dont love him...i dont know what to do. im so upset.

Reply 382

Anonymous #21

hey guys

little scenario here. my bf and i've been dating for about 3 months, which was really unexpected and sort of stupid because one of the first few things we talked about is how i'm going to go abroad in September. we talked about it and decided to give it a shot, but now i'm having second thoughts. he's just started work (he's graduated) and i'm going to start uni so we'll be meeting tons of new people, and considering the fact that i'll probably only be back once or twice a year (if i even do come back to visit) i'm starting to have second thoughts. we don't have much of a foundation to build on considering our relatively short relationship, we're not at the stage where we're in love with each other (not yet!) and the fact that we're both starting new chapters in our lives sort of worries me. i definitely know i'm not in love with him, i like him a lot and love spending time with him, but as it is i don't see him much (maybe 2, 3 times if we're lucky). i'm more than willing to give it a try because he makes me incredibly happy. we're just still so damn new, i'm still getting to know him now. am i just looking too much into the future here?

Reply 383

EvilSheep

Anonymous

hey guys

little scenario here. my bf and i've been dating for about 3 months, which was really unexpected and sort of stupid because one of the first few things we talked about is how i'm going to go abroad in September. we talked about it and decided to give it a shot, but now i'm having second thoughts. he's just started work (he's graduated) and i'm going to start uni so we'll be meeting tons of new people, and considering the fact that i'll probably only be back once or twice a year (if i even do come back to visit) i'm starting to have second thoughts. we don't have much of a foundation to build on considering our relatively short relationship, we're not at the stage where we're in love with each other (not yet!) and the fact that we're both starting new chapters in our lives sort of worries me. i definitely know i'm not in love with him, i like him a lot and love spending time with him, but as it is i don't see him much (maybe 2, 3 times if we're lucky). i'm more than willing to give it a try because he makes me incredibly happy. we're just still so damn new, i'm still getting to know him now. am i just looking too much into the future here?

Hey

Just to reassure you a bit on the 'new relationship' bit, I was with my boyfriend for 16 days before we went LDR! And now we've been together 13 months... :yep:

So it is definitely worth giving it a go if you feel you might fall in love with him eventually. The key to all of this is, communication and honesty. Without it, no LDR will work..

Reply 384

fredscarecrow

18

Anonymous

hey guys

little scenario here. my bf and i've been dating for about 3 months, which was really unexpected and sort of stupid because one of the first few things we talked about is how i'm going to go abroad in September. we talked about it and decided to give it a shot, but now i'm having second thoughts. he's just started work (he's graduated) and i'm going to start uni so we'll be meeting tons of new people, and considering the fact that i'll probably only be back once or twice a year (if i even do come back to visit) i'm starting to have second thoughts. we don't have much of a foundation to build on considering our relatively short relationship, we're not at the stage where we're in love with each other (not yet!) and the fact that we're both starting new chapters in our lives sort of worries me. i definitely know i'm not in love with him, i like him a lot and love spending time with him, but as it is i don't see him much (maybe 2, 3 times if we're lucky). i'm more than willing to give it a try because he makes me incredibly happy. we're just still so damn new, i'm still getting to know him now. am i just looking too much into the future here?

I was seeing my boy for a month, and officially going out with him for a week and a half before we went LDR (England to America) and we only have a week and a half when he comes home before we turn LDR again when I go to uni.
Time isn't really a factor in these things - me and my boy haven't spoken about 'love' - we like each other a lot and this LDR has been hard and we speak on webcam pretty much everyday - because it's too early for all of that!
However, as all the people in the LDR thread will tell you, you both have to want it to work. Everyone has doubts :smile:

and somtimes in the really difficult patches you will wonder if it's worth it all, but if you like them enough then the answer is always yes :smile:

Reply 385

**CutiePie**

Hi, everyone! How do I join this, like become a member?

Reply 386

SmilerNuts

15

**CutiePie**

Hi, everyone! How do I join this, like become a member?

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/socs.php?do=list&page=13

Click on Join This Soc and wait for one of the leaders to approve you :smile:

Reply 387

**CutiePie**

SmilerNuts

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/socs.php?do=list&page=13

Click on Join This Soc and wait for one of the leaders to approve you :smile:

Apparently Im already joined but it doesn't say my name in the members area.. Weird! but thanks anyway!

Reply 388

My relationship was LDR from the start, and we've been together 3.5 years :yep:

So it can work out even when the relationship is relatively new when you go LD.

Reply 389

Anonymous #22

My boyfriend has a full time job an hour and half drive away from where i will be studying medicine from september. We were talking about it last night and now i have started to worry that we won't have much time to see each other :no:

anybody here got any experience of this? I don't want us to split up :frown:

Reply 390

Sometimes I don't see my boyfriend for 8-10 weeks at a time. Others go much longer. It's simple really: if you love one another, you will make it work (or at least give it a damn good try!). You have to ask yourself if you would rather be with them in an LDR, or not at all.

Reply 391

anna_spanner89

am i ok to post some advice on here...

Im about to start a relatively new relationship..we live in the same town, ie down the road from each other but go to different unis..just for a year we're going to be 4 hours apart..fact is, we're not in love..but falling in love, and are simply questioning whether to stay together, whats the views on this?

Reply 392

If you think there's something in it, or could be something in it in future, then at least give it a go :smile:

Reply 393

L O R E A L

give it a go its the best you can do i am going to try my best to keep things going with my boyfriend, its going to be hard but..

love comes with challenges, and that gives a sense of excitement,

things work out,if they dont they dont

=)

but yeah, its like a test of love, and seeing eachother will be much nicer if you havnt seen oneanother for a long time

i know what i mean, but question is, do you?

Reply 394

SmilerNuts

15

You should go for it anna, it can't hurt to try :yes:

Reply 395

Adrian12

Hello there

I’m entirely new here and have been reading through these pages tonight.

I thought I’d pose some questions and explain my situation to see if anyone could reassure me.

I love her to pieces, but I’m terrified of what will happen when we go to university in the next month or so. We’ll be about 2 hours apart from each other. I’m terrified that we will change as people and not be there to experience life together. We’re both very social and active people (despite our actual shy nature we see all too clearly in each other) and I know that’s going to make the situation quite hard for the other person. She is not a very clingy person (as in, likes to voice how much she cares about me), though she seemed so originally, and often teases me (albeit in a joking manner) and I’m scared that this could turn into something negative at uni. Of course, it could turn the complete other way, and we could laugh off the teasing as usual, and she may show her emotion and desire towards me more. But I’m scared that if that doesn’t happen I may feel like she doesn’t care, even though deep down I know she does.

I know most of this probably sounds petty and makes little sense as I didn’t explain it very well… but if anyone can say anything in regards it would be nice - aside from the “if you trust each other it will work”. I’m not saying that’s not true - it most definitely would be - but I’m asking for true insight - how things changed with relationships… what was hard… did you really talk as much as you hoped to?… do you get paranoid… etc etc

any help would be marvellous.

thanks.

Reply 396

Hi Adrian, and welcome to TSR :hello:

There is something to be said for having separate lives (or at least semi-separate lives :p:

) at university. You're able to make separate sets of friends and get on with your work without being detrimental to each other's academic progress and living in one another's pockets (to each other's emotional detriment!). You can then introduce those new friends to one another, thus both widening your circles of friends, while still both hopefully getting decent degrees, and (ideally!) staying together too.

The way I see it is that every couple will have to be apart at some point, unless they're very lucky - whether it's due to work placements, years abroad etc... so you're definitely not alone in this. If the two of you end up breaking up due to meeting someone new, chances are you would have experienced problems later in the relationship anyway (if it's not meant to last then it's not meant to last, whether you're living together or in an international LDR).

The key thing is communication, both long-term and short-term. Long-term means planning how often you two can both see each other and when - if you have a trip booked then it means you both have something to look forward to. Short-term means chatting as often as you can and feel comfortable with (but again not to your social detriment at university!), even if you've got nothing better to say other than what you had for tea - it keeps you both feeling involved in each other's lives even when you're apart.

What you're saying isn't petty, and makes perfect sense - come over to the LDR chat thread (link's in my sig) and you'll see how many others feel the same.
I can't really comment on your final questions as my relationship has been LD from the start, but put it this way: we see one another every 4-8 weeks (varies wildly!), we live in two different countries, and we've been together 3.5 years. Others in this soc don't see their partners for even longer sometimes. If we can make it work then anyone can :smile:

Hope that helps and hope to see you in the chat thread soon :smile:

Reply 397

fredscarecrow

18

anna_spanner89

am i ok to post some advice on here...

Im about to start a relatively new relationship..we live in the same town, ie down the road from each other but go to different unis..just for a year we're going to be 4 hours apart..fact is, we're not in love..but falling in love, and are simply questioning whether to stay together, whats the views on this?

My boy and I are on opposite sides of the atlantic ocean, and by the time he comes home we won't have seen each other for 10 weeks - and were only going out for a week and a half (with a month's 'seeing each other' before that). You don't have to be in love to make an LDR work, you simply have to believe that the relationship is worth everything you're going to be putting into it.
There's no harm in trying. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out but at least you'll have made the effort.

Reply 398

Nissay

i'm going to be doing the whole new-relationship-long-distance thing soonish. not in love with him, but i decided it'd be all worth it when i spent time him last night and realised that i absolutely adored everything about him. 3000 miles and an ocean can go **** themselves. long distance a challenge? pfft!

(could be the new relationship honeymoon period thing talking)

/joins club.

Reply 399

jobo3