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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Aww Lucia

Heres the link to the chat thread: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=14677079

Maybe split the cost of the train fare? Come over and chat to us in chat :smile:

Reply 1381

pookie8911

:)x

Was he out at night or doing something with some friends?
Because that's most probably the reason why he started shouting. You just have to let them get on with it, if they're busy.

I don't think my boyfriend misses me as much as I miss him, because he's out doing all these wonderful things with these wonderful people, and I'm stuck at home, working for a year.

I think you just have to get used to it, although there is no need to shout - it does just make things worse.

I hope everything's ok now :o:

x

Na...he's in Australia,so he was just on his way to work. I had a big chat with him today though and he said he could understand why I was really pissed off with him and he was sorry for acting like he did.

You just need to get out and do wonderful things with wonderful people! :tongue:

So yeh, things are ok now...i think....!!!
x

Reply 1382

sharpesparkle

16

moshing-fairy

I cant find the chat thread.
im soooooooooo fed up and upset i've just gone to uni.
and its good and then i feel rly sad cause i miss people.
but my boyfriend is in hull and the train prices are extortionateee like painfully so.
i have no idea what to do :frown:

i cant not see him til december :frown:

ugh,
i also have so many lectures i dont know if i have time to see him
i feel rly lonely :frown:

i know i havent used ldr society for ages.
sorry guys :frown:

I was about to post this almost word for word. Except my boyfriend's in Southampton.
I miss himmmm... but I do feel a bit less lonely now I know I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Reply 1383

Anonymous #44

My boyfriend's in another country at the moment and we haven't spoken for a few days which is unusual. We've been doing this whole LDR lark for the whole summer and it's not been anywhere near as bad as this, probably because I know he's gone for the academic year. Although I get to see him, I try to speak to him everyday (I'm not insecure - I just like to speak daily) but we haven't spoken for a few days and I'm really quite upset about this. I don't want to ruin his year abroad, but I want him to know that I think it's important to communicate whilst he's there. I'm guessing he doesn't find it quite so important, not because he doesn't feel the same for me as I do him, but just because that's who he is. What can I do to make him communicate more? I'm so annoyed and upset at the moment :frown:

Reply 1384

Fleece

15

Anonymous

My boyfriend's in another country at the moment and we haven't spoken for a few days which is unusual. We've been doing this whole LDR lark for the whole summer and it's not been anywhere near as bad as this, probably because I know he's gone for the academic year. Although I get to see him, I try to speak to him everyday (I'm not insecure - I just like to speak daily) but we haven't spoken for a few days and I'm really quite upset about this. I don't want to ruin his year abroad, but I want him to know that I think it's important to communicate whilst he's there. I'm guessing he doesn't find it quite so important, not because he doesn't feel the same for me as I do him, but just because that's who he is. What can I do to make him communicate more? I'm so annoyed and upset at the moment :frown:

You can't force it, but talk to him about it. But do not make it turn into anything naggy - don't be emotional about it basically cos he'll probably just get annoyed and frustrated. Some guys just don't need as much contact, and although yes it is important that you do communicate, he's also on his year abroad. I was on mine last year and to be honest there's so much going on and so much to experience that you will find that he's not got that much time and/or inclination to speak. It doesn't mean he loves you any less, it just means he's enjoying his year abroad.

Reply 1385

lucyhol1012

13

Anonymous

My boyfriend's in another country at the moment and we haven't spoken for a few days which is unusual. We've been doing this whole LDR lark for the whole summer and it's not been anywhere near as bad as this, probably because I know he's gone for the academic year. Although I get to see him, I try to speak to him everyday (I'm not insecure - I just like to speak daily) but we haven't spoken for a few days and I'm really quite upset about this. I don't want to ruin his year abroad, but I want him to know that I think it's important to communicate whilst he's there. I'm guessing he doesn't find it quite so important, not because he doesn't feel the same for me as I do him, but just because that's who he is. What can I do to make him communicate more? I'm so annoyed and upset at the moment :frown:

I understand why you'd want to talk to him everyday. I think its so important that there is communication everyday, even when they're away.
But yeah if he's just started his year abroad he probably has so many things to do, it won't be that he isn't thinking of you or anything its just time will be passing him by a lot quicker than it is for you.
I would explain to him how you're feeling without moaning about it, just say you'd like to talk more because you think its important to know about each others days and what you've been up to. Try and tell him you want to be part of his experience too.
However, try your best not to get upset when you tell him as you might make him feel bad and stuff.
Good luck :smile:

Reply 1386

Anonymous #45

I have no idea whether to stay with my gf of over 4 years or not. It feels like things have been slowing down for a long time now (over a year). I feel lucky if I can talk to her for an hour or two once a fortnight nowadays and it just generalyl feels like it's coming to an end, to me.
We see each other twice a term as that's all we can afford. I'm going to make an appointment to see a psychiatrist for sometime over the next month and she's said she'll come down and go with me (if it's a weekend). BUT.....

on Thursday night, somebody in my LGBT leapt on me in the middle of a club (admittedly, we were both drunk at the time) and at the time she was going on and on about how we had connections, how she wanted to get with me and similar stuff. Since then, she's been asking me out and talking really flirty with me. She KNOWS I'm (for now) taken! I like her a lot as a friend and have even considered having sex with her, but never done it because it wouldn't be the right thing to do by gf.

Gf reckons wht we need to do is put the 'romance' back into our relationship in order to make it work... but how?! We went on a break (for 4 hoursd!!) about 3 years ago because we didn't get enough chance to see each other non-sexually as a couple.

I'm toying with the idea of breaking up (or at least going on a break), but I want us two to be friends afterwards and I'd have A LOT to lose if we did break up.

Reply 1387

vale_farfallina

1

bubbles_x

is anybody missing the sex.... ? lol.

I miss sex a lot.. I'm in Italy, he is in England.. he came here for 10 days this summer and he left at the beginning of August..almost 2 months!
I'm looking forward to visiting him in 9 days! :wink:

whooop whooop!

I love him sooo much!

Reply 1388

Anonymous #46

I feel a bit frustrated now, and would be grateful for any advice you guys could give... (I'm sorry it's such a long story! Thank you for your patience if you do read it.)

I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly two years, throughout our first two years at uni. He studies an oriental language, and as part of his course, he spent four months abroad in his first year. We coped with it pretty well, talking a lot on msn and skype etc - but four months was about long enough to not see each other!
Problem is he has the option of going out for a whole year next year, which he has to decide within the next few weeks. Obviously in my heart of hearts, I don't want him to go, but I also know it's part of his course, and a great opportunity.
He keeps asking me how I'd feel about him going, but so far I've restrained from mentioning my true feelings (which would be along the lines of NOOOOOO, DON'T GO!) And told him that it would be difficult, but that I don't want to influence his decision, because his degree is the most important thing.
He seemed quite happy that I wasn't pushing him not to go, and has also said that he doesn't want to be apart from me, but would like to take the year out - and so has suggested that I should come with him (I will have graduated by that time.)
There are lots of problems with this, I don't speak any of the language (and cannot read the characters.) He has offered to teach me, but as I'm going in to my finals year this year, time would be somewhat limited. So getting a job would be problematic, and I will have very little money, and copious amounts of student debt to contend with. On the other hand, I really, really do love him, and would be very upset if things didn't work out. I also don't think I'd cope well with a year apart (even with the occasional visit, which given the distant wouldn't be that feasible anyway)
Basically, I'm weighing up the three main options in my head, and none of them sound that inviting really!

1. Put pressure on him not to go (about 25% of the year generally don't take the year out, so he wouldn't be the odd one out - but I'm worried that he might, understandably, resent me in the long run.) I still think this would be very selfish, even though a small part of me is desperate to hint how much I don't want him to go.

2. Go with him (and face the prospect of having little/no money or employment prospect in the country)

3. Just hope it works out, and try and visit as much as possible.

Argh. I don't want to do any of those three. I suppose ideally, I could work for a few months and save up some money, then go and visit - but I kind of want to go into the real world, get a proper graduate job. An additional problem is that to make it worthwhile in terms of earning money, I'd have to live with my parents, who have just moved to what would best be described as 'the middle of nowhere', hundreds of miles from any of my friends, and anyone I know at all. I don't have a car, so I couldn't travel to work, and there's only one shop in the village they live in, and the thought of shelfstacking for six months is also pretty low on my list of things to do.

Meh. Any thoughts appriciated. And I know that really, a year isn't that long - and I have the greatest respect for those of you who spend years going out with people who live halfway around the world - but for me, a year feels like an awfully long time!

Reply 1389

Ygraine

Anonymous

Argh. I don't want to do any of those three. I suppose ideally, I could work for a few months and save up some money, then go and visit - but I kind of want to go into the real world, get a proper graduate job. An additional problem is that to make it worthwhile in terms of earning money, I'd have to live with my parents, who have just moved to what would best be described as 'the middle of nowhere', hundreds of miles from any of my friends, and anyone I know at all. I don't have a car, so I couldn't travel to work, and there's only one shop in the village they live in, and the thought of shelfstacking for six months is also pretty low on my list of things to do.

That doesn't sound like a fun situation at all. You do need to tell him how you feel, although I appreciate that it's difficult without making it sound like an ultimatum. I have no experience of this myself, but the boyfriend of a friend of mine took an optional year abroad in America and she never told him how she really felt about it. She ended up breaking up with him because she felt as though he had chosen America over her, but because he didn't know that he couldn't do anything about it. It's best to be open about these things.

As to what you should do, all I can suggest is perhaps taking a TEFL course this summer (I think they can often be done in about a week) and going with him and finding somewhere to teach. Those jobs don't require you to speak any of the native language and can be quite lucrative. That way you could spend a year abroad with your guy while saving up some money to perhaps buy a car so you can apply for graduate jobs further afield when you get back :smile:

Reply 1390

:)x

This time tomorrow I will be with him!

:kissing2:

:hump:

:jebus:

just thought i'd get my point accross about how excited i am :biggrin:

Reply 1391

lucyhol1012

13

:)x

This time tomorrow I will be with him!

:kissing2:

:hump:

:jebus:

just thought i'd get my point accross about how excited i am :biggrin:

I'm sharing your excitement :smile:

This time tomorrow I'll be on the train up to see my boyfriend and I really cannot wait.
How far do you have to go to see him?

Oh you've got me all exctied :biggrin:

Reply 1392

:)x

lucyhol1012

I'm sharing your excitement :smile:

This time tomorrow I'll be on the train up to see my boyfriend and I really cannot wait.
How far do you have to go to see him?

Oh you've got me all exctied :biggrin:

not far at all :biggrin:

about an hour on the train!

he's in birmingham, it's just far away enough to not be able to see eachother as regularly as before!

how about you?

woo i hope you have an awesome weekend :biggrin:

x

Reply 1393

lucyhol1012

13

:)x

not far at all :biggrin:

about an hour on the train!

he's in birmingham, it's just far away enough to not be able to see eachother as regularly as before!

how about you?

woo i hope you have an awesome weekend :biggrin:

x

I'm in Liverpool and James is in Scotland! So its quite a long way, about 3 and a half hours on the train. But I'm going up now and then at half term, which is in 3 weeks, for 9 days :smile:

Now that I am looking forward to!

It'll be nice to just see that he's settled in though :smile:

and that he's happy. Then I'll have a better idea when he explains things. Haha.

Will you get to see your boyfriend often? Or just every few weeks?

Enjoy your weekend too :smile:

Reply 1394

xBeccaxxGOKx

Glad your both excited to be seeing your boyfriends.
I remember being that excited. :smile:

My LDR is over, the LD bit not the R. So proof you can make it through.

Anon, I'm not sure what to say. But I think you should tell him how you feel. Though I imagine, it could be hard, without it sounding like "Me or year abroad".

Reply 1395

lucyhol1012

13

Anonymous

Post deleted on request of OP.

I don't know what advice I can give you really other than you need to explain to him that you're feeling this way.
When will you get to see him? Have you arranged solid dates to go and visit?
Uni is such a big thing and he may be tired and worked out rather than bored when he's on the phone to you. If his parents have rang before you ring him and asked the same questions you do, then he won't sound as keen about it all.
I don't think the distance should make it easier for him to be cruel, if anything it should be harder because he can't take it back as easily over the phone or apologise as well.
The start of a LDR is tough enough as it is but if you're already in a strained relationship I imagine it'll only be a lot harder.
I don't think you have much to loose by staying with him until he's settled in, unless its making you very down and you want rid. But if that was the case, you'd know what you had to do.
And if you are going to finish him, I'd do it face to face. I don't think it would be such a good idea to do it over the phone.

I hope it works out for you though! It is hard at first but it will get easier once he's settled down and things are quieter for him.
Good luck :smile:

Reply 1396

SianStrikedown

Meh, My BF friends are always round his one or twice a week, i know i have him all of the other time to talk to but i have had metal issues problems and the other night i threatend to kill myself while talking to him and we sorted things out. I just feel lonely when i cant talk to him.

I normally have to fall asleep on the phone to him, to actually get any sleep.
And he wont be visiting for a while now

College is dragging me down as im in my second year and i asked to move course before the start of september but they said no, so im gonna see what they say if i ask again.

Work they treat me like crap so i think im gonna leave.

I WANT MY BABY =[ if i call he'll just get why the **** are you on the phone stares, i guess its because he logs out of everything to when their around and im used to seeing him online or set to away.

How silly am i?

Reply 1397

:)x

lucyhol1012

I'm in Liverpool and James is in Scotland! So its quite a long way, about 3 and a half hours on the train. But I'm going up now and then at half term, which is in 3 weeks, for 9 days :smile:

Now that I am looking forward to!

It'll be nice to just see that he's settled in though :smile:

and that he's happy. Then I'll have a better idea when he explains things. Haha.

Will you get to see your boyfriend often? Or just every few weeks?

Enjoy your weekend too :smile:

it's just every few weeks for now,
my first trip to see him today :biggrin:

i'm looking forward to seeing him settled in too :smile:

speak to you on monday girlies (and boys)

have awesome weekends,

i know mine will be :biggrin:

yayay byeee xxxxxxx

oh and ' :woo:

'

Reply 1398

bubbles_x

yay!! my BFS on the train home to see me nowwwww :biggrin:

i acccccctually cant wait.
i bet theres nothing better than standing on a train platform, seeing all these strangers getting off trains, but then spotting the face youre looking for <3
ahhhhhh!
have good weekends guys!
Xxxx

Reply 1399