What would you do if a loved one came out as transgender?

*kicks self* You're right there! What I meant to say was that if you identify as a man, you are a man--- male pronouns should be used. If you identify as a woman, you are a woman--- female pronouns should be used. If you identify as other, you are other---other pronouns should be used.

I feel as if I've lost the dad I knew for 22 years

I am a transgender individual and I have reached a point in my life when I feel that if I don't come out now, I'll never have the balls to do it (well, unless I decide to get some balls surgically attached to my body). I love my family and my friends, and though I know I'll need a thick skin for this process, I can't help but care what they'll think of me. And, beyond that, I'm afraid!

Here are some statistics for you guys to think about:


IT IS SCARY TO BE TRANS!

Personal (SOB) story (TLDR):


Sorry for the long post, but now I am just at a crossroads and wondering how you would all react if a family or friend came to you with this information.

I'm quoting you because what you've said is also incredibly important! I've also discovered that I'm pan (around the time I realized that I liked another transboy). All of my friends within my immediate circle are bi or pan, so I've got that support network.

I was also a victim of cyber bullying on myspace (I'm dating myself, amn’t I?) around the time when I was getting the physical threats at school.

And... MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING!


My best friend is an aspie, so I can imagine it must be so difficult for you being both trans and being on the spectrum.

((hugs))

Thank you so much for responding. It's going to be a rough road, but with a positive attitude, I'm certain we can all come through this experience stronger and more complete. We may lose people we thought loved us (people we loved), but in the end we will also find the ones who matter most. Coming out as trans made me realise just how much my best friend meant to me. Even when everyone else was against me, she's been there all along. If I came out as a rainbow dragon vegan she'd still love me, and even if I do wind up losing my entire family to prejudice, I'll at least have her.

And meeting other transpeople is great too! If you haven't already gone to an LGBT support centre, I suggest that you do it ASAP. You'll make so many friends. Many of us have other mental health issues (some unrelated to our trans* status), and they will be more understanding, in general, than the public. You are allowed to whinge and moan--- you've been through so much!

Also, I'd like to thank everyone on the thread for being so supportive! And even those of you who don't agree with what I have to say, thank you so much for being respectful anyway!

I wonder why the stats in (1) are so ?

What determines someones gender? Well i guess the starting point is biological.

My boyfriend is gender fluid and he was really scared when he told me.

i don't think it should matter because if you like a person as what they born with, why wouldn't you love them with what they want to be? Surely they will be more likeable because they'll be happy in their true self ^#^

Cliché, but really, the person is just going to be more open and happier if you let them be what they want to be.

Not to cause anyone who identifies as transgender any offense, but i believe you are either male or female the overwhelming majority of the time, and that 'feeling' you are not a man but a woman is psychological.

I would give them love and support and help them with counseling and treat it.

This includes finding the root cause of their problem and helping them accept what they biologically are. Helping them be at peace with that and identifying the causes of them thinking other than what they are.

Sexuality is such a fluid thing. People are attracted to many, many things, from objects to other genders to animals. I really think it's a mental and psychosocial thing.

I don't think people who are transgender are born that way though, i believe it's a choice - not made over night but developed directly and indirectly over a long period of time.

Hypothetically, lets assume he was not born that way and that it was his choice, would you still be accepting?

Ah, I see your point of view and it makes sense

Of course I would accept him because I know that he is making a choice which makes him happy.

What if they said they didn't need counselling, that they would never be happy in their birth sex, that they didn't want "treatment", they wanted transition?

It seems odd to me that people would go through so much to transition if it was a treatable thing. Even if it was a choice, surely someone has the right to make that choice?

Not to cause any offense, but accepting someone because they make a choice which makes them happy is a shaky premise.

For example, what if he was into self harm , and that made him happy?

There are many potentially immoral things that make people happy, surely no?

Not to cause offense...and i am not comparing the transgender to peadophiles, but again, the argument is - why would someone pick it if it had so much stigma, why would they refuse treatment if it was easily treatable.

Treatment needs to be first made. There really is no proper treatment for the transgender, and becoming transgender isn't an over-night thing, it takes many, many years perhaps, key events, maybe events in their childhood.

Sexuality is a choice.

I mean to cause no offense, and because i view it differently to many here does not make me a troll. Someone with another opinion isn't automatically a troll. This is aimed at the person reporting me not you

((GIANT HUGS))

Have you heard of Laura's Playground? It's a site for trans-people, but I believe they've got a section there where family members of transpeople can get support. I really can't imagine what you must be going through. It sounds hollow coming from someone who has never been in your position: but hang in there! Your dad is still your dad: the person inside has not changed. Let gender be a letter on a piece of paper, maybe a change of wardrobe, but remember that your dad will always be your dad.

One of my best friends is in your position and it took a few years to accept it, but you can still have a close relationship with your dad. Remember that your dad is still there--- she hasn't died. She's just using a new name. Cisgender people change their names and hair colour all the time. Try to think of it like that. Try your best to be supportive, but also don't be afraid to seek professional help for yourself. What you are going through is incredibly scary, and you have every right to feel upset and confused.

((one more hug for the road))

Thank you

I haven't, no. I will look it up at some point

The one thing I can't get over in my head is "what do I refer to my dad as now?" How do I describe our relationship? Dad? That's male. Mum's partner? That undermines the role she's played in my life this whole time. Mum? No, that doesn't feel right either.

I know it sounds silly but I can't get my head round it.

Outwardly I seem really accepting and happy, and I haven't got a problem with it, but inside I am struggling to come to terms with it all. I accept that that's my own problem though. It's been a year since we found out, and I'm still struggling.

Thank you

I haven't, no. I will look it up at some point

The one thing I can't get over in my head is "what do I refer to my dad as now?" How do I describe our relationship? Dad? That's male. Mum's partner? That undermines the role she's played in my life this whole time. Mum? No, that doesn't feel right either.

I know it sounds silly but I can't get my head round it.

Outwardly I seem really accepting and happy, and I haven't got a problem with it, but inside I am struggling to come to terms with it all. I accept that that's my own problem though. It's been a year since we found out, and I'm still struggling.

Not to cause offense...and i am not comparing the transgender to peadophiles, but again, the argument is - why would someone pick it if it had so much stigma, why would they refuse treatment if it was easily treatable.

Treatment needs to be first made. There really is no proper treatment for the transgender, and becoming transgender isn't an over-night thing, it takes many, many years perhaps, key events, maybe events in their childhood.

Sexuality is a choice.

I mean to cause no offense, and because i view it differently to many here does not make me a troll. Someone with another opinion isn't automatically a troll. This is aimed at the person reporting me not you