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    So I just read this thread/post and want to know who you think was raped here.

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    I'm so confused about what's happened.
    Long story short, I was at a friends party and my friend arrived. We used to be really close until we hooked up at a festival in the summer and he started ignoring me on the most part in the following months. This was the first time I had spent time with him since. He kept coming up to me and kissing me and I kept leaving or pushing him away. The last time I didn't push him away and just let him kiss me hoping he would get bored (he had been drinking but I didn't think he was that bad) so that wasn’t not consensual I guess because I went along with it. We ended up upstairs and he said he wanted to have sex with me- I said I didn't want to have sex and he kept saying he liked me and just kept trying after he took my clothes off. I felt a bit uncomfortable when he was doing things to me but I guess it wasn't not consensual was it…I didn’t hate it but I did feel a bit weird. I didn't let him put it in even though he kept trying though. After he said he liked me I tried to leave but he wouldn't let me get my clothes on and held me down etc but I thought at the time it was only a joke until he started touching me at the same time as holding me so that I couldn't move and trying to make me do things to him. I'm so confused because I'm only feeling this and realizing this now, and feel like I might be making it up. I got a couple bruises but I didn't realize until days later. I managed to get my clothes on eventually and a friend came in asking if everything was alright, I don’t know if he heard me asking him to let me get my clothes or what, and helped me get him into his clothes and apparently he went downstairs to be sick. I immediately thought I’d done something wrong because he was drunk and I wasn’t. Another so-called friend kept saying I had raped him (as a joke) and this made me feel so guilty like I was the one who had done wrong. Apparently what happened to me could be considered sexual coercion, but I feel like I’m just making it up because I was the one who wasn’t drunk. He was drunk and I keep asking myself if it was consensual or just a joke-I’m so confused. I’ve since cut him out of my life because all he does is use me and lie to me, but could he really have done that? I feel so guilty and dirty and worthless and confused I don’t know what to think about everything.
    I just need to get over this and move on, please help.


    While I can sympathise with the poster and she was put in a difficult position and can fully understand why you would say she was raped I cant help but feel as though were the roles reversed it would still be the male being accused of rape because the female is drunk regardless of the fact should would be the person coercing and physically pressuring/forcing him into sex.

    In both scenarios, the male is the rapist/sexual assaulter/etc even though society teaches males that as the sober individual you are held accountable for having sex with drunk women regardless of what she says or does. So why does the female in question not hold any responsibility for having sex with a drunk male?

    Is it because he held her down? To that I would say what if a drunk girl held you down? Sure you push her away but just because you don't doesn't mean you're not being raped, no means no after all and we don't judge female rape with how forcefully resilient she was. If for you it comes down to the guy not pushing her away then said guy in the scenario was drunk, I'm sure she could have mustered enough strength to push him off or wriggle free or even kick him if needs be.

    Or perhaps my assumptions about this double standard are not correct, what do you think?
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    Whether or not he was drunk, she didn't force herself upon him. In this instance, the female is not in the wrong (on any level).
    She says the male held her down, even after she asked him to let her go.

    I don't see where the confusion is? He was in the wrong.

    That doesn't mean to suggest the man is always in the wrong, but in this instance, he was.
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    (Original post by Vikki1805)
    Whether or not he was drunk, she didn't force herself upon him. In this instance, the female is not in the wrong (on any level).
    She says the male held her down, even after she asked him to let her go.

    I don't see where the confusion is? He was in the wrong.

    That doesn't mean to suggest the man is always in the wrong, but in this instance, he was.
    You missed what I was getting at. It's not confusion of whether she was raped it's the idea that were the roles reversed and a drunk female coerced and physically imposed herself upon a male sexually chances are the outcome would be the same i.e. male raped female because she was drunk.
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    (Original post by So Instinct)
    It's not confusion it's the idea that were the roles reversed and a drunk female coerced and physically imposed herself upon a male sexually chances are the outcome would be the same i.e. male raped female because she was drunk.
    If a woman were drunk and forcing herself upon a man and he accepted the invitation, then yes, I think a lot of people would say he's in the wrong.
    I think it's because people assume the guy could handle himself and physically stpo the woman in that situation, whereas a woman may not be able to physically restrain a man (as per the OP).

    I'm not saying I agree with this, but that's often the thought process behind these scenarios.
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    (Original post by Vikki1805)
    If a woman were drunk and forcing herself upon a man and he accepted the invitation, then yes, I think a lot of people would say he's in the wrong.
    I think it's because people assume the guy could handle himself and physically stpo the woman in that situation, whereas a woman may not be able to physically restrain a man (as per the OP).

    I'm not saying I agree with this, but that's often the thought process behind these scenarios.

    No that's not what the post is about either.

    I'm saying reverse the situation in the original post. As in, drunk female coerced and physically imposed herself on a male who didn't want sex but was too meekly to forcefully push said female off (not that he should have to anyway).
    My problem would be that the male would be assumed to have raped the female in that situation too simply because she was the drunk, her actions wouldn't really be significant. Therefore a double standard, people may disagree with it on here but society seems to work that way or at least is firmly heading in that direction in my opinion.


    No means no though, it shouldn't be about 'who can look after themselves'. You said you didn't agree with that though so fair enough on that point.
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    (Original post by So Instinct)
    No that's not what the post is about either.

    I'm saying reverse the situation in the original post. As in, drunk female coerced and physically imposed herself on a male who didn't want sex but was too meekly to forcefully push said female off (not that he should have to anyway).
    My problem would be that the male would be assumed to have raped the female in that situation too simply because she was the drunk, her actions wouldn't really be significant. Therefore a double standard, people may disagree with it on here but society seems to work that way or at least is firmly heading in that direction in my opinion.


    No means no though, it shouldn't be about 'who can look after themselves'. You said you didn't agree with that though so fair enough on that point.
    If someone (drunk or not) is forcing themselves onto another person who has said 'no', then said person is in the wrong. Whether they are male or female, to force themselves on someone else is wrong.
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    Why does she say "wasn't not consensual" instead of "was consensual". She seems a bit retarded and the lack of paragraphing made my eyes hurt.

    If i'm reading it correctly, this girl didn't want to kiss the guy but did so anyway. She didn't want to sleep with the guy, but went upstairs with him and allowed him to take all of her clothes off among other things. Also, apparently she feels like she may be making it up? Wtf..

    Seems like the kinda girl who gets drunk, sleeps with someone consensually, regrets it, talks to her friends about it who tell her she was raped, then becomes convinced she was.

    (Original post by Vikki1805)
    If a woman were drunk and forcing herself upon a man and he accepted the invitation, then yes, I think a lot of people would say he's in the wrong.
    Legally though he would not be in the wrong even if he initiated the contact, unless she was too drunk to consent
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    In the above scenario I'd say the guy was at fault, since like you say, he held her down and didn't stop when she said no. If the genders were reversed, I'd say the woman was at fault.

    I don't think it's rape for letting a drunk person have sex with you - it's bad manners if you think they'll regret it, but the idea that something becomes somehow okay just because you're drunk too is crazy.
 
 
 
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