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Holiday booked, but I want to break up with him

I've been having some quite serious doubts about my boyfriend, who I've been with for over 2 years. I've tried telling him as much as I can about how I'm feeling to try improve things, but the problem I can't tell him is that I don't know if I want to be in a relationship right now. I'm becoming very behind with my studies (partly because we're a bit long distance so I tend to see him 2/3 nights at a time, and partly due to illness). The combination of all the stress of worrying about that and worrying about whether I still love him is making it difficult for me. Although I still care for him, I don't know if that's enough to keep a relationship going. It's not that there's a specific problem either because when I ask him to stop being moody and unreasonable he does stop for a while, so there is no obvious room for improvement that we could try head for.

My parents booked a holiday for me, my boyfriend, my sister and her boyfriend to all go on together next July (6 month's time now). Although there had been a couple problems with my boyfriend in the past, at the time it was booked (about 4 months ago) things were a lot better, so I was confident that we could see through them so I didn't say anything at the time. However, about a month ago things turned back to resemble the way they were last Easter when I nearly broke up with him before. Meaning, he became very clingy but also very snappy, especially if I mentioned plans I'd made that didn't include him, and I started to feel very suffocated and became a lot less enthusiastic about seeing him. I hoped that when I saw him over Christmas, told him how I was feeling, and then spent a nice time together would make things improve.

When I did talk to him, I told him how I stressed I was feeling about uni work and needed space so I could do it properly, and mentioned the things that he had been in a mood with me for that I had no control over, which had upset me. He apologised for this, and was really nice to me for the remainder of the days that he stayed over at mine. This made me happier, but also quite guilty because he admitted he thought I was going to break up with him, so all the extra affection he showered me with, such as buying me dinner, made me feel worse as he did it because he's worried about losing me.

I also don't know what to do about my parents :frown:

on one hand, I know they're really worried about me because I came back from uni looking shocking due to stress from uni work and being ill due to living in a very cold, damp house. They know that my boyfriend isn't helping because he gets moody with me when I don't see him, and I'm up to my eyeballs with work that I'm falling behind with. But on the other hand, they paid more than £1,000 for his flight ticket alone, and the airline we're with won't allow name changes. I'd feel awful if that money went down the drain, especially as they helped me with legal fees a few months ago when I had problems with a crappy landlord.

I really, really don't know how I can hack another 6 months of lying to my boyfriend like this :frown:

I feel so horribly guilty as he absolutely dotes on me and he'd be heart-broken if I ended it, but at the same time I know it'll hurt him if I string him along. I can't think of a compromise to handle this. Either way, I run the risk of seriously disappointing and upsetting someone, but 6 months is such a long time to pretend that things are okay when they're not. Thanks to anyone who's read this and any advice is appreciated.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Don't stay with him just for a holiday... I did that, I regret it.
We're still together now and I wish I had just ended it when i had the chance. Maybe in 6 months time you will have both gotten over it and can still enjoy the holiday as friends? If not invite someone else instead?

Reply 2

sophisticated

I think your parents care more about your happiness and your Uni work than they do about the money?

Reply 3

Roooo89

Hi Hun,
Just found you're thread and was wondering what you had decided to do in the end?

I am in a similar situation; except, my holiday is in 2 days, and my boyfriend moved to my hometown to work, so if we broke up, he'd kinda be left on his own.
I'm fairly convinced that we'll break up after the holiday. It's nice to know you are not alone so thanks for sharing :smile:

xXx

Reply 4

Juliawalker21

Same situation. Long distance and holiday booked for three months time, I'm trying to think of a way I can get out of seeing him next weekend because I'm worried I'll say something I regret. He's trying a little more recently so part of me wants to use the holiday as a reason to give us a chance but he's really irritating me recently, it's weird but I feel like I just don't like him suddenly and the main problem is that I'm sat at a desk all day playing out scenarios of ending it in my head and figuring out the best way because he has depression, anxiety and is totally immature, I don't think I love him any more but I still care!
It's driving me crazy, I can't do this much longer.