How to handle quiet guys...
I've been chatting to a guy online and he asked for my number so I gave it to him. Thing is, he's quiet and I seem to be asking him all of the questions but he doesn't ask me any in return... I don't think he's shy or timid either. When we first talked, he did ask me some but now it seems to have turned one-sided on my part... We've only talked for about a week though... I think he does like when we chat 'cause he keeps responding to my texts and pretty much instantly so I think that the problem might partially be that he doesn't really know how to chat...! For example, he might ask me a question, I'll answer back and then I ask him in return but then he doesn't keep the convo flowing by asking a new question back!!! I feel like if I don't ask him a question, it'll be very hard to get a response from him...!
So yeah, I don't know what to do about this guy. I currently feel a bit like I'm the guy in the relationship or something -_-. We haven't been texting long. The first convo we had was when we exchanged numbers and then I started the next convo. I won't be texting him and see if he'll pick up the phone to start a convo himself! And I'm thinking of mirroring how he talks, being a bit short with my answers and asking him less questions just to see if that might make him talk a bit more. Also, I'm slightly worried that this guy won't even get to the point of asking me out... I've already gone through a situation where a guy was just texting me for months, wasting my time and didn't even bother to ask to meet up with me, and that guy was not quiet!!!
Yeah, so any help or thoughts would be appreciated
.
So yeah, I don't know what to do about this guy. I currently feel a bit like I'm the guy in the relationship or something -_-. We haven't been texting long. The first convo we had was when we exchanged numbers and then I started the next convo. I won't be texting him and see if he'll pick up the phone to start a convo himself! And I'm thinking of mirroring how he talks, being a bit short with my answers and asking him less questions just to see if that might make him talk a bit more. Also, I'm slightly worried that this guy won't even get to the point of asking me out... I've already gone through a situation where a guy was just texting me for months, wasting my time and didn't even bother to ask to meet up with me, and that guy was not quiet!!!
Yeah, so any help or thoughts would be appreciated
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I agree that you shouldn't chase this boy down. But I don't think you should try to artificially change your own behaviour in order to provoke more meaningful responses out of him. There's a word for that, it's called manipulation. Not that it even works. You can dance around the mulberry bush all you want, but he ain't gonna change for you. He's not going to suddenly become the extrovert, cool, spontaneous guy I think you want (or at the very least, one who says something interesting and initiates conversations).
If I were you I'd leave it until and unless he decides to start being a bit more mutual.
If I were you I'd leave it until and unless he decides to start being a bit more mutual.
Some guys are quiet because they're shy (not because they're rude or anything) and if you truly like him you'll have to help him engage in conversations to overcome his shyness - in the end it will be worth it for the both of you!
If you've ever watched the film "Perks of being a Wallflower" you will know what I'm talking about. Great film btw.
If you've ever watched the film "Perks of being a Wallflower" you will know what I'm talking about. Great film btw.
Original post by Yidette
I agree that you shouldn't chase this boy down. But I don't think you should try to artificially change your own behaviour in order to provoke more meaningful responses out of him. There's a word for that, it's called manipulation. Not that it even works. You can dance around the mulberry bush all you want, but he ain't gonna change for you. He's not going to suddenly become the extrovert, cool, spontaneous guy I think you want (or at the very least, one who says something interesting and initiates conversations).
If I were you I'd leave it until and unless he decides to start being a bit more mutual.
If I were you I'd leave it until and unless he decides to start being a bit more mutual.
Yeah, you're right when you say that I should just be myself. I don't like playing games but I guess that I just want it to work out somehow.
Original post by WyFy
Yeah, you're right when you say that I should just be myself. I don't like playing games but I guess that I just want it to work out somehow.
Weeeeeell you win some you lose some. Don't worry about it. He's one of many out there.
Im a quiet guy and I suppose shy, it just takes a while for me to feel comfortable speaking to someone. I also like listening rather than talking all the time.
Haha Wyfy you must be busy with all this internet dating, you've posted quite a few threads recently 
Link us to your page, we'll help you find someone 
Link us to your page, we'll help you find someone Original post by AgentSushi
Im a quiet guy and I suppose shy, it just takes a while for me to feel comfortable speaking to someone. I also like listening rather than talking all the time.
Ha ha, actually, I'm a bit like that as well! I'm usually quiet at first so it feels odd that I'm taking the lead in conversations...!
Original post by RichyFrench
Haha Wyfy you must be busy with all this internet dating, you've posted quite a few threads recently Link us to your page, we'll help you find someone
Link us to your page, we'll help you find someone LMAO! I was wondering when someone would notice...!
Original post by AgentSushi
Im a quiet guy and I suppose shy, it just takes a while for me to feel comfortable speaking to someone. I also like listening rather than talking all the time.
.. I don't think she even means face to face. Surely over the phone it should be easier?
Original post by hannahchan
.. I don't think she even means face to face. Surely over the phone it should be easier?
This is going to sound really weird but I have kind of a phobia of speaking on the phone, it sounds so dumb I know. I would much rather speak face to face than on the phone I freeze up for some reason always have
Original post by WyFy
Ha ha, actually, I'm a bit like that as well! I'm usually quiet at first so it feels odd that I'm taking the lead in conversations...!
Yeah same i feel odd when taking the lead
Original post by AgentSushi
This is going to sound really weird but I have kind of a phobia of speaking on the phone, it sounds so dumb I know. I would much rather speak face to face than on the phone I freeze up for some reason always have
Yeah, I'm not really a phone person either! I prefer face-to-face as well, although I don't really like instant messaging either for some reason. I like texting or emailing. I guess that's 'cause the reply doesn't have to be instant but then everyone has different etiquette for that so I find it annoying when someone doesn't end the conversation 'properly' sometimes or take ages to reply when it becomes an instant conversation!
Original post by WyFy
x
Some people, myself included, only speak when they see reason to. Talking for the sake of talking is redundant IMO because it doesn't lead anywhere, and I feel much easier listening to someone than I do talking constantly. I'll rarely start a conversation, but will be more than happy to jump in when the opportunity arises.
Maybe he shares the same view.
Quiet is good, plenty to discover it just takes time.
I think the problem is you're only texting him. Go out on dates and get chatting with him that way. Ask him open ended questions and lead with details on that. Sure you'll be doing the 'hard' work but if people aren't good at chatting then they need a conversation steerer like that. Hopefully he will pick up the hint from you. Also, when he starts knowing you more he will have more stuff to talk about with you. It's a bit hard as you've got to put the hard work in initially with quiet people but they soon open up a bit more.
Original post by AgentSushi
This is going to sound really weird but I have kind of a phobia of speaking on the phone, it sounds so dumb I know. I would much rather speak face to face than on the phone I freeze up for some reason always have
Oh I know same..!! I hate talking on the phone But I meant like over the phone texting
But now I see the op doesnt like texting!
Original post by WyFy
Yeah, I'm not really a phone person either! I prefer face-to-face as well, although I don't really like instant messaging either for some reason. I like texting or emailing. I guess that's 'cause the reply doesn't have to be instant but then everyone has different etiquette for that so I find it annoying when someone doesn't end the conversation 'properly' sometimes or take ages to reply when it becomes an instant conversation!
Yes! Taking ages to reply to a message is irritating but for me it's an easier way of speaking as its quick and easier to think of what to say instead of sitting face to face and having to think then and there about what to say..
So I think you should try it...
it might be easier for him..(edited 11 years ago)
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