My gf say she's love me, 11 months and I'm starting to not believe her
So I've been dating her for nearly a year now but we've recently started fighting with me a lot and making petty arguments about things that never bothered us before and so on and so forth. So recently she said to me in summation "you're losing your place in the friends group and you're only here because you're my plus one and go out with me" and I'd never felt so hurt. It was by far the worse thing she's ever said to me. I have problems socialising and making new friends and I don't find it incredibly easy but I still try because I dont want to be alone and I've told her this being alone is my biggest fear. But she's always made me feel guilty for the fact I'm not as social as she is and dont have the same social skills. She says she loves me but I just can't really believe this is what someone who loves me would say knowing my state of mind. Any advice, its only recently I've started putting this relationship into perspective and I'm not really liking what I'm seeing. Any advice please thanks
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Aw. She sounds horrible and immature, to be quite honest. She is just going to keep making you feel inadequate, for as long as you are with her, as she is obviously one of those people who puts a price on superficial things.
You are who you are and there will be girls who respect that. I wouldn't waste any more time on this one.
You are who you are and there will be girls who respect that. I wouldn't waste any more time on this one.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by fatherdougal
So I've been dating her for nearly a year now but we've recently started fighting with me a lot and making petty arguments about things that never bothered us before and so on and so forth. So recently she said to me in summation "you're losing your place in the friends group and you're only here because you're my plus one and go out with me" and I'd never felt so hurt. It was by far the worse thing she's ever said to me. I have problems socialising and making new friends and I don't find it incredibly easy but I still try because I dont want to be alone and I've told her this being alone is my biggest fear. But she's always made me feel guilty for the fact I'm not as social as she is and dont have the same social skills. She says she loves me but I just can't really believe this is what someone who loves me would say knowing my state of mind. Any advice, its only recently I've started putting this relationship into perspective and I'm not really liking what I'm seeing. Any advice please thanks
It's a thing in the uk, it's not your fault, find someone who's not british and it should be better. I search the uk dating sites and avoid all girls that are posing with an alcoholic drink, which cuts out 80% of them, the other 20% don't reply to me though anyway so that's a negative. I'm sure there's people like on here that are intelligent and respect you.
Original post by Flyingaround
It's a thing in the uk, it's not your fault, find someone who's not british and it should be better. I search the uk dating sites and avoid all girls that are posing with an alcoholic drink, which cuts out 80% of them, the other 20% don't reply to me though anyway so that's a negative. I'm sure there's people like on here that are intelligent and respect you.
lol my british bf says the same things
Original post by fatherdougal
So I've been dating her for nearly a year now but we've recently started fighting with me a lot and making petty arguments about things that never bothered us before and so on and so forth. So recently she said to me in summation "you're losing your place in the friends group and you're only here because you're my plus one and go out with me" and I'd never felt so hurt. It was by far the worse thing she's ever said to me. I have problems socialising and making new friends and I don't find it incredibly easy but I still try because I dont want to be alone and I've told her this being alone is my biggest fear. But she's always made me feel guilty for the fact I'm not as social as she is and dont have the same social skills. She says she loves me but I just can't really believe this is what someone who loves me would say knowing my state of mind. Any advice, its only recently I've started putting this relationship into perspective and I'm not really liking what I'm seeing. Any advice please thanks
She sounds controlling and manipulative, she will only lower how much you value yourself. I suggest you break it off and when you learnt love yourself without someone's approval then look for a new girlfriend
I too worry what others will think of me but I've spent a long time working on loving myself regardless and it will make you happier in the long run, if she knows you have a fear of being alone its possible she will use this to her advantage
Original post by AnnaXO
lol my british bf says the same things
lol, i'm sure there are good ones, i see a lot in the street that are sweet but they tend to head straight into the church, i'd feel like a bit rude if i went to church just to find a girl.
Honestly, she doesn't sound like the meanest person.
I'm assigning that she said it in the heat of the moment during an argument?
Because I've said things to my bf and vice versa when we were in the heat if the moment arguing, and we said those things because as a couple you know what eachother's weaknesses are, and it just comes out like that. Then after a while, she should realise how horrible and how out of line that sounded and how it hurt you.
Dont take any drastic action yet unless she's been doing this throughout your whole relationship. Just talk about it, talk about the argument. Why did you have it? What can you do to solve it? And she might end up explaining why she said that, and if she didn't mean to hurt you it'd show while you're talking.
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I'm assigning that she said it in the heat of the moment during an argument?
Because I've said things to my bf and vice versa when we were in the heat if the moment arguing, and we said those things because as a couple you know what eachother's weaknesses are, and it just comes out like that. Then after a while, she should realise how horrible and how out of line that sounded and how it hurt you.
Dont take any drastic action yet unless she's been doing this throughout your whole relationship. Just talk about it, talk about the argument. Why did you have it? What can you do to solve it? And she might end up explaining why she said that, and if she didn't mean to hurt you it'd show while you're talking.
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Assuming***
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Original post by fatherdougal
So I've been dating her for nearly a year now but we've recently started fighting with me a lot and making petty arguments about things that never bothered us before and so on and so forth. So recently she said to me in summation "you're losing your place in the friends group and you're only here because you're my plus one and go out with me" and I'd never felt so hurt. It was by far the worse thing she's ever said to me. I have problems socialising and making new friends and I don't find it incredibly easy but I still try because I dont want to be alone and I've told her this being alone is my biggest fear. But she's always made me feel guilty for the fact I'm not as social as she is and dont have the same social skills. She says she loves me but I just can't really believe this is what someone who loves me would say knowing my state of mind. Any advice, its only recently I've started putting this relationship into perspective and I'm not really liking what I'm seeing. Any advice please thanks
She sounds like an ar** mate. Just dump her, you might struggle to make new friends at first but it won't last forever. You'll always make new friends and get a new girlfriend
Better to be temporarily lonely than unhappy. There are probably others you can hang out with anyway 
Sounds like you have become your girlfriend's b***h, dump this narcisst. If the price of having a girlfriend is to lose self respect I wouldn't want one, your partner should be able to look past your negative attributes unless they include being a violent bully. She sounds incredibly self centered not my type of woman, walk away from her.
Original post by chynyel_e
Honestly, she doesn't sound like the meanest person.
I'm assigning that she said it in the heat of the moment during an argument?
Because I've said things to my bf and vice versa when we were in the heat if the moment arguing, and we said those things because as a couple you know what eachother's weaknesses are, and it just comes out like that. Then after a while, she should realise how horrible and how out of line that sounded and how it hurt you.
Dont take any drastic action yet unless she's been doing this throughout your whole relationship. Just talk about it, talk about the argument. Why did you have it? What can you do to solve it? And she might end up explaining why she said that, and if she didn't mean to hurt you it'd show while you're talking.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I'm assigning that she said it in the heat of the moment during an argument?
Because I've said things to my bf and vice versa when we were in the heat if the moment arguing, and we said those things because as a couple you know what eachother's weaknesses are, and it just comes out like that. Then after a while, she should realise how horrible and how out of line that sounded and how it hurt you.
Dont take any drastic action yet unless she's been doing this throughout your whole relationship. Just talk about it, talk about the argument. Why did you have it? What can you do to solve it? And she might end up explaining why she said that, and if she didn't mean to hurt you it'd show while you're talking.
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We did talk about it, she didn't feel guilty about what she said and kept saying more things to point out the fact even more. The I said let's try and find a solution and she just dodged the question completely
Original post by fatherdougal
We did talk about it, she didn't feel guilty about what she said and kept saying more things to point out the fact even more. The I said let's try and find a solution and she just dodged the question completely
Well then, unfortunately, i guess we both know what needs to be done?
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Original post by fatherdougal
We did talk about it, she didn't feel guilty about what she said and kept saying more things to point out the fact even more. The I said let's try and find a solution and she just dodged the question completely
The only question left has to be why she has not dumped you yet herself? If she looks down on you so much. Maybe she is trying to get you to initiate a break up, so she does not look like the bad person.
Yeah my ex did that exactly, same as you.
When we broke up I had no friends basically for a while, and then I realised that the only reason that was was because of him & I made them all again.
He always claimed it was 'heat of the moment'. But it's a low blow if your go to argument is insulting someone where you know they are vulnerable. Not nice.
When we broke up I had no friends basically for a while, and then I realised that the only reason that was was because of him & I made them all again.
He always claimed it was 'heat of the moment'. But it's a low blow if your go to argument is insulting someone where you know they are vulnerable. Not nice.
Original post by Mancini
The only question left has to be why she has not dumped you yet herself? If she looks down on you so much. Maybe she is trying to get you to initiate a break up, so she does not look like the bad person.
She's constantly asking why I'm with her in the first place, and why I haven't just broken up with her by now but I'm not sure whether she has such low self esteem that she can't believe I like her or if she just want's to seem the better person after a breakup
Original post by fatherdougal
She's constantly asking why I'm with her in the first place, and why I haven't just broken up with her by now but I'm not sure whether she has such low self esteem that she can't believe I like her or if she just want's to seem the better person after a breakup
Have you had sex with her? Do you think she might be messing around behind your back? xx
Original post by King Max
Have you had sex with her? Do you think she might be messing around behind your back? xx
I have and no, I couldn't imagine her to do something like that
Original post by fatherdougal
I have and no, I couldn't imagine her to do something like that
She may be doing it then. She could be taking advantage of your highly trusting nature.
Lol, you believe a woman saying she loves you? Jesus, "I love you" is just a tool in the linguistic box for them. Whether for manipulation, keeping you around or just shutting out criticism, but they almost never mean it.
And you need to overcome your fear of being "alone" (I'm guessing you really mean single?). You can't be dependent on anyone else for happiness; you have to learn to enjoy your own company or you're just giving people the perfect ammunition with which to destroy you. Don't. Especially with women. They know of mens' almost unassailable (almost) need for female validation and companionship, and if you don't control this, they will obliterate you. Don't lose your dignity and autonomy to anyone - ever. Dump this bitch and fix yourself up, because, as much as women want you to believe otherwise, there is no burden of proof on you to show them that your existence is worthwhile. None at all.
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And you need to overcome your fear of being "alone" (I'm guessing you really mean single?). You can't be dependent on anyone else for happiness; you have to learn to enjoy your own company or you're just giving people the perfect ammunition with which to destroy you. Don't. Especially with women. They know of mens' almost unassailable (almost) need for female validation and companionship, and if you don't control this, they will obliterate you. Don't lose your dignity and autonomy to anyone - ever. Dump this bitch and fix yourself up, because, as much as women want you to believe otherwise, there is no burden of proof on you to show them that your existence is worthwhile. None at all.
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Original post by fatherdougal
So I've been dating her for nearly a year now but we've recently started fighting with me a lot and making petty arguments about things that never bothered us before and so on and so forth. So recently she said to me in summation "you're losing your place in the friends group and you're only here because you're my plus one and go out with me" and I'd never felt so hurt. It was by far the worse thing she's ever said to me. I have problems socialising and making new friends and I don't find it incredibly easy but I still try because I dont want to be alone and I've told her this being alone is my biggest fear. But she's always made me feel guilty for the fact I'm not as social as she is and dont have the same social skills. She says she loves me but I just can't really believe this is what someone who loves me would say knowing my state of mind. Any advice, its only recently I've started putting this relationship into perspective and I'm not really liking what I'm seeing. Any advice please thanks
She will never respect you untill you man up.. stop being so sensitive, shes probs fedup of having to play the man. If it was me she would know how the **** I roll pretty swiftly. My gf gives me her big talks at times but in the end shes the one crying when **** gets real.
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