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Why do people tell their partners their sexual past?

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I like discussing my past and finding out about theirs. It's always been something that either I've brought up or a potential partner. Just the other day I asked a guy if he's ever had a one night stand etc, I was curious. Prior to this he asked if I'd been with many guys and I asked him back, he just basically said he wasn't going to give me a number. I can live with that, if you don't feel like sharing, then don't. I ask because I want to know, it won't necessarily change my view of them.

Reply 21

bittr n swt

Original post by clh_hilary

Is she 'easy' if all of these have been massive very fit Hollywood stars?

YES

Reply 22

El Salvador

Original post by bittr n swt

YES

And if a girl has slept only with one guy because that's the only guy in the world who would sleep with her, and she even needs to pay him for it, she's not as easy?

Reply 23

bittr n swt

Original post by clh_hilary

And if a girl has slept only with one guy because that's the only guy in the world who would sleep with her, and she even needs to pay him for it, she's not as easy?

not easy just sad and desperate

because she was only restricted to one guy...if plenty of guys found her attractive she would be easy and **** all those guys which would make her easy

Reply 24

kendell98

I guess it builds trust?

Reply 25

Yeah dude

To see what kinda caves they've been exploring

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 26

Zarek

Original post by MylittlePlusle

It's all in the past.

Why do people want to know about their partner's sexual past? It has nothing to do with them.

Good question. I think initially you are a little bit curious about how their experience relates to yours. And maybe even to probe how your performance in the sack relates to previous partners. But of course a good gf will always deem you the biggest and best.

Reply 27

miser

I think it's important to be open with your partner. With women I've been close to, I don't typically hide anything. I'm not afraid of what they'll think of me or my past decisions, and that's a relationship that I expect to go both ways.

Reply 28

NutE

In order for someone to love the real you, they need to know who you really are. Telling them shows your trust and honesty towards them. If my partner didn't tell me about their sexual past, I'd think they don't trust me enough or are perhaps hiding something that will put me off them. The decent thing to do is to be honest and open with your partner. Let them into your life and make them a part of it

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 29

Anonymous #1

For me, it's to prevent the transmission of STI's.

As I don't want an infestation of crabs.

Reply 30

Odd socks

as long as I was sure they were STD free I wouldn't care. they could tell me if they wanted to but I wouldn't pressure them to tell me. Equally Id expect them to treat me the same and not demand to know every sexual act ive ever performed.

Reply 31

Crystalclearmagic

Original post by MylittlePlusle

It's all in the past.

Why do people want to know about their partner's sexual past? It has nothing to do with them.

Yes it's all in the past but you can say the same for the food you ate yesterday.... Your past makes up who you are today. I guess sometimes it's also curiosity as well for some.

For me, if they never tell me that's ok but I would always want to know if the girl who just said hi to him in my presence was his ex. I don't expect him to then share all the ins and outs of it unless he wanted; I place 100% trust in the guy I am with. I don't care about his past, but knowing is better than the silly gossip that gets to you when it goes along the lines of 'I saw your boyfriend with this other girl! And it was his ex!'. It's much nicer to say back, "Yep, I know. Big deal?" rather than, "Quick stalk her and see what happened between them and then interrogate the guy". - That's what I think in my head, it's not actually happened yet.

On the flip side, I would always tell my other half my past - I think it's part of who I am. Just like what school I went to, what uni I went to, what jobs I've had in the past and the experiences there. Relationships are too. If they stop me and say they don't want to know that's fine.

^ Just my thoughts....

Reply 32

Mike9910

Original post by stargirl63

I guess it shows what they consider sex to be...if they don't care about it and can do it with anyone anywhere, without a care in the world, or if they think it's special.

I agree with you. Sex for me is simply a means of gratification and I guess reproduction, though I don't want to have children.

If I was in a relationship it might also be a way to show affection to my partner, but I don't intrinsically connect intimacy and sex.

Thinking sex is special is an archaic social norm. I find it amusing how much value and sentimentality people attach to virginity and sex. You only have one life and you're letting yourself be molded by the anti-human morals of some god you've never seen, or some cultural tradition you inherited.Pathetic.

As far as I am concerned if it feels good: do it! That's my motto in life.

Reply 33

Mike9910

Original post by bittr n swt

not easy just sad and desperate

because she was only restricted to one guy...if plenty of guys found her attractive she would be easy and **** all those guys which would make her easy

Doesn't "easy" refer to how receptive you're to sex not how many people you have slept with? Hence the meaning of the word easy and its use in this context.

easy
ˈiːzi/
adjective

•

1.
achieved without great effort; presenting few difficulties.

For example, say we place a woman who is willing to have sex with any man she meets on a desert island. Now this women will have had no sexual partners, assuming she didn't have sex before she went onto the island and assuming no men are on the island.

While another woman might have had 7 long term committed relationships but be very discerning about who those relationships were with.

Surely the second woman can't be more "easy" than the 1st woman?

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 34

poohat

Original post by little_wizard123

So if she feels sex is really special but she's done it with someone else before, that means it's not special with you?

To some extent, yes. You always remember the "first" time you do certain things, and who you do them with (not just sex - also going on holidays together, moving in together, spending christmas together, etc). If your partner has done everything 10 times before then its very hard to feel that things are special since you arent doing things together for the first time, and you will always know she has other memories that are likely to be stronger. Obviously these days its very unlikely to find a virgin over the age of 20 or so, but there are a lot of things that a couple can do in bed, so a lot of scope for finding "firsts". But if she has slept with 20+ people, then she will have probably done most things several times, so you arent going to be able to make those sort of memories together ("oh yes lets try anal, I've had 3 people do it to me already!")

Also, there is something deep in the human psyche where people are unable to seperate the past of a "thing" from its present. If someone has done something in the past (eg had many sexual encounters), then it will always 'contaminate' them in a way that stops them being pure. To some extent this is irrational but regardless, it has pretty deep psychological roots and is present across pretty much all human societies. See:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contagion_heuristic
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_contagion

Basically noone wants to think that their girlfriend has had 20+ guys pump her and dump her. Its gross, and makes her impure. Obviously if she has only had long term relationships then its slightly different, but in that case its pretty hard to rack up more than a handful of sexual partners.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 35

DanB1991

Tbh it depends, but generally speaking it's someone who is insecure who ask's how many people their partners has slept with.

Also the whole, I don't want someone who has slept with XYZ people because they're a slut etc.... Is sleeping with two people a year slutty? Like really? You can have someone who has slept with 20 people in the space of 10 years who only sleeps with them after seeing them for 2ish months and then have it all fall apart because all they're after is sex. Happened to my mate over and over again and she's only like 25 and slept with 15-20 people.

Most people would label that as a slut. Myself I've slept with a fair few people, but only 3 one night stands in the last 7 years, the rest I was either 'seeing' or in a relationship with.

Reply 36

poohat

Original post by DanB1991

You can have someone who has slept with 20 people in the space of 10 years who only sleeps with them after seeing them for 2ish months and then have it all fall apart because all they're after is sex. Happened to my mate over and over again and she's only like 25 and slept with 15-20 people. .

if all your friend's relationships are failing after 2 months then either she has terrible judgement and keeps dating bad people, or she has serious personality flaws that are causing everyone to dump her quickly.

You are accidentally making the argument for the other side here - if a woman has 20 partners by the age of 25 then there is a decent chance that there is something wrong with them, and caution is advised.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 37

DanB1991

Original post by poohat

if all your friend's relationships are failing after 2 months then either she has terrible judgement and keeps dating bad people, or she has huge personality flaws that are causing everyone to dump her.

You are accidentally making the argument for the other side here - if a woman has 20 partners by the age of 25 then there is probably something wrong with them and a huge amount of caution should be advised.

More generally after 6-10 months, not two.

And the amount of men who have 10+ partners, even 20 is fairly normal. But they don't reach the levels of criticism. Just general sexism imo.

Reply 38

poohat

Original post by DanB1991

And the amount of men who have 10+ partners, even 20 is fairly normal. But they don't reach the levels of criticism. Just general sexism imo.

Its not sexism, men and women usually want different things in their partner. Thats just how life works; the sexes are not identical.

Men are willing to date women who earn less than them, while women are much less willing to date men who earn less than them. Is that sexism against men?

Women are willing to date men who have slept with large numbers of partners, while men are much less willing to date women who have slept with a large number of partners. Is that sexism against women?

Either both are sexism, or neither are. Realistically, neither are. There is almost certainly a biological drive for men to value purity in their partners, since purity has been valued in pretty much all cultures in human history (there is a similar drive for women to value higher status partners who can provide for them)

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 39

DanB1991

Original post by poohat

Its not sexism, men and women usually want different things in their partner. Thats just how life works; the sexes are not identical.

Men are willing to date women who earn less than them, women are typically not willing to do this. Is that sexism against men?

Women are willing to date men who have slept with large numbers of partners, men are typically not willing to do this. Is that sexism against women?

Either both are sexism, or neither are. Realistically, neither are. There is almost certainly a biological drive for men to value purity in their partners, since purity has been valued in pretty much all cultures in human history (there is a similar drive for women to value higher status partners who can provide for them)

Generally speaking when talking in this respect, the majority of people would agree fertility is the main reason people ask how many people their partner has slept with, aka how easy.

In my experience you can have someone who's never slept with anyone else, who is just as likely, if not more so, to cheat than someone who has slept with a few people.

And generally, yes it is sexism, men and women are both perfectly entitled to sleep with people for pleasure. There is no innate reasoning why it should affect future relationships, outside of obvious issues, like pregnancies and resulting children, STD's or when they have slept with people their partner knows (aka friends and relatives).

(edited 9 years ago)

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