The Student Room Group

Casual homophobia

"I don't have a problem with gay people as long as they don't rub it in my face"

aka "Straight couples are allowed to be featured prominently on TV shows, movies, advertisements, music videos, books and be the face of many relationship based products like Mr and Mrs/Husband and Wife type items but if a gay couple dared to kiss in public - even if they're 20 feet away from me - they're rubbing it in my face."

"That's so gay"/"******"/"Bender"/"Tag a mate who secretly is gay" type lad banter

aka "I have no idea how severe an impact I can have on people with such a simple choice of words. Out of all the hundreds of insults I can use to have banter and take the piss, I must insist on repeatedly using gay themed insults because they're the most powerful and no straight guy can accept that insult without getting worked up and angry, as if being gay is the worst thing in the world."

Those are the two most common ones and the one that piss me off the most. You think they'll ever die out or fade away in society? Are there any other examples? It seems that while the actual act of physical violence and legal rights towards the LGBT community have DEFINITELY improved, there's still the casual comments and views from society that definitely indicate that we still have a longgggggg way to go.

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Original post by Shadow2009
there's still the casual comments and views from society that definitely indicate that we still have a longgggggg way to go.


A long way to go until what?

Part of what makes up a liberal, progressive society is the fact that people are free to make whatever comments or hold whatever views they like. You are equally welcome to say "I don't have a problem with straight couples as long as they don't rub it in my face", or to try and use "straight" as an insult and see who gets offended by it.


If what you want is for homosexuality to be so protected that everyone has to be ultra cautious and watch what they say in reference to it and make special concessions for it, then it's true, we've been heading that way and we have a long way to go, but I hope we never get there.

It's one thing to say that homosexuality is nobody else's business and gay people shouldn't be punished, persecuted or discriminated against for it when they're not harming anyone with it. It's quite another to say that everyone else in society is obliged to go out of their way to make sure that homosexuality is embedded in our culture.
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 2
OP is secretly a bender
Reply 3
As someone who is bisexual I have no problem at all with people calling other things gay or using gay stereotypes or even the uh it's probably going to be filtered, but word rhyming with 'maggot'. The thing about offense is that you choose to get offended by it - gay has evolved, like many words, to have multiple meanings so anyone still getting annoyed when someone say "that's so gay" is completely over-reacting.

I agree in-part on the first bold sentence you put though, but I understand the sentiment they're trying to express (that they're uncomfortable with it because they can't imagine it). I have met plenty of gay men who think it's acceptable to try and flirt with a straight man and make him feel uncomfortable 'just for bants', which I find pretty ****ing stupid. If someone's not comfortable with someone of the same sex flirting with them, then don't be a dick about it.

I do not think things will get better for gay people as there are a lot of outspoken LGBT etc. groups which are making society even more divided by trying to censor what language people use, trying to force places to have X % of LGBT people, hosting gay pride events where everyone acts camp on purpose which just fulfils the stereotype and so on.

There's certainly some way to go in terms of acceptance, but after not being straight for 5+ years now, I have never once felt rejected nor that society was 'casually homophobic'.

Rather ironically, I've actually had more stick from gay men (omg bad phrasing) over my bisexuality than I have with straight men lol.

Idk I mean idk how other gay/bi/lesbian people feel but i real have never felt rejected in this society at all.
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 4
Original post by Inexorably
As someone who is bisexual I have no problem at all with people calling other things gay or using gay stereotypes or even the uh it's probably going to be filtered, but word rhyming with 'maggot'. The thing about offense is that you choose to get offended by it - gay has evolved, like many words, to have multiple meanings so anyone still getting annoyed when someone say "that's so gay" is completely over-reacting.

I agree in-part on the first bold sentence you put though, but I understand the sentiment they're trying to express (that they're uncomfortable with it because they can't imagine it). I have met plenty of gay men who think it's acceptable to try and flirt with a straight man and make him feel uncomfortable 'just for bants', which I find pretty ****ing stupid. If someone's not comfortable with someone of the same sex flirting with them, then don't be a dick about it.

I do not think things will get better for gay people as there are a lot of outspoken LGBT etc. groups which are making society even more divided by trying to censor what language people use, trying to force places to have X % of LGBT people, hosting gay pride events where everyone acts camp on purpose which just fulfils the stereotype and so on.

There's certainly some way to go in terms of acceptance, but after not being straight for 5+ years now, I have never once felt rejected nor that society was 'casually homophobic'.

Rather ironically, I've actually had more stick from gay men (omg bad phrasing) over my bisexuality than I have with straight men lol.

Idk I mean idk how other gay/bi/lesbian people feel but i real have never felt rejected in this society at all.


I find myself agreeing with everything this member says.
Reply 5
First point I agree. Second point, I think a lot of those who engage in such banter don't really have anything against gay people, though obviously some do and it can be hurtful to those who aren't straight.
Original post by Shadow2009
"I don't have a problem with gay people as long as they don't rub it in my face"

aka "Straight couples are allowed to be featured prominently on TV shows, movies, advertisements, music videos, books and be the face of many relationship based products like Mr and Mrs/Husband and Wife type items but if a gay couple dared to kiss in public - even if they're 20 feet away from me - they're rubbing it in my face."

"That's so gay"/"******"/"Bender"/"Tag a mate who secretly is gay" type lad banter

aka "I have no idea how severe an impact I can have on people with such a simple choice of words. Out of all the hundreds of insults I can use to have banter and take the piss, I must insist on repeatedly using gay themed insults because they're the most powerful and no straight guy can accept that insult without getting worked up and angry, as if being gay is the worst thing in the world."

Those are the two most common ones and the one that piss me off the most. You think they'll ever die out or fade away in society? Are there any other examples? It seems that while the actual act of physical violence and legal rights towards the LGBT community have DEFINITELY improved, there's still the casual comments and views from society that definitely indicate that we still have a longgggggg way to go.


I don't think there's anything wrong with the first one. I don't want to see a pair of 13yr olds kissing in public, does that make me ageist? I don't want to see incest in public, doesn't mean that I'm against it. In fact, I don't like seeing PDA between anyone so I guess that just means I hate all people ?
Original post by cherryred90s
I don't like seeing PDA between anyone so I guess that just means I hate all people ?


I completely agree with you.
Reply 8
If you come and parade with g-strings and your balls out under my windows, the only way you have to go is to my basement.
You can be gay all you like mate. But I don't see why I have to like the idea of two guys snogging each other's faces off lol :rofl:
Original post by Shadow2009
"I don't have a problem with gay people as long as they don't rub it in my face"

aka "Straight couples are allowed to be featured prominently on TV shows, movies, advertisements, music videos, books and be the face of many relationship based products like Mr and Mrs/Husband and Wife type items but if a gay couple dared to kiss in public - even if they're 20 feet away from me - they're rubbing it in my face."

"That's so gay"/"******"/"Bender"/"Tag a mate who secretly is gay" type lad banter

aka "I have no idea how severe an impact I can have on people with such a simple choice of words. Out of all the hundreds of insults I can use to have banter and take the piss, I must insist on repeatedly using gay themed insults because they're the most powerful and no straight guy can accept that insult without getting worked up and angry, as if being gay is the worst thing in the world."

Those are the two most common ones and the one that piss me off the most. You think they'll ever die out or fade away in society? Are there any other examples? It seems that while the actual act of physical violence and legal rights towards the LGBT community have DEFINITELY improved, there's still the casual comments and views from society that definitely indicate that we still have a longgggggg way to go.


Err thats cos we have an opinion too?
We dont have to like it, but we do have to accept it - which is totally fine!
I'm all for pro-gay relationships, that being said I disagree with PDA with gay couples, thats the same with straight couples. Its just how I feel.

I dont see the problem with your second point, if it offends you so much - learn to accept it and move on to something else. If its not worth your time, why comment on it?
Original post by Fadel
If you come and parade with g-strings and your balls out under my windows, the only way you have to go is to my basement.


is the 'basement' accessed 'round the back'? I'm struggling a bit with the detail of this one, though of course in no doubt you're a bender.
Reply 12
Original post by cambio wechsel
is the 'basement' accessed 'round the back'? I'm struggling a bit with the detail of this one, though of course in no doubt you're a bender.


Nah, it's just a really creepy place with a lot of instruments.
I used to be against pda but now there's so much hatred in this world, pda is quite nice.
Doesn't bother me regardless of gender.
Original post by cambio wechsel
is the 'basement' accessed 'round the back'? I'm struggling a bit with the detail of this one, though of course in no doubt you're a bender.


i think you would have to use "the tradesman's entrance" :yep:
Reply 15
Original post by cherryred90s
I don't think there's anything wrong with the first one. I don't want to see a pair of 13yr olds kissing in public, does that make me ageist? I don't want to see incest in public, doesn't mean that I'm against it. In fact, I don't like seeing PDA between anyone so I guess that just means I hate all people ?


If you don't like seeing PDA between ANYONE then that's fine. I blatantly said in my OP that I was talking about people who were against seeing gay PDA in public so I've no idea why you've started talking about 13 year olds and incest PDA?

You can be gay all you like mate. But I don't see why I have to like the idea of two guys snogging each other's faces off lol

(multi quote isn't working)
"All you like" implies that homosexuality is a choice which it isn't, and nobody is asking you like it, I blatantly again said in my OP that the problem is with straight people saying simply kissing in public is "rubbing it in their faces" but it seems okay for straight couples to do everywhere.

Not sure how you got so confused over that.
Original post by Shadow2009
If you don't like seeing PDA between ANYONE then that's fine. I blatantly said in my OP that I was talking about people who were against seeing gay PDA in public so I've no idea why you've started talking about 13 year olds and incest PDA?

You can be gay all you like mate. But I don't see why I have to like the idea of two guys snogging each other's faces off lol

(multi quote isn't working)
"All you like" implies that homosexuality is a choice which it isn't, and nobody is asking you like it, I blatantly again said in my OP that the problem is with straight people saying simply kissing in public is "rubbing it in their faces" but it seems okay for straight couples to do everywhere.

Not sure how you got so confused over that.


Because saying you don't want to see PDA doesn't make you discriminatory. PDA is not essential, it's a choice you make therefore people are free to disagree with it
Reply 17
Original post by cherryred90s
Because saying you don't want to see PDA doesn't make you discriminatory. PDA is not essential, it's a choice you make therefore people are free to disagree with it


But if you're only feeling that way towards gay PDA then it IS discriminatory?
Original post by Shadow2009
But if you're only feeling that way towards gay PDA then it IS discriminatory?


No not really. Not everyone has to agree with homosexuality, they just have to accept it
If you are gay just act normal and be gay, people that are flamboyant and push their sexuality constantly are very annoying.

If you want society to accept you more stop all these gay pride parades, I do not want to see tons of men and women half naked with crossdressers waltzing around it really gives them a bad image as being wacky and out there. Anyone that lets their sexuality define them is normally annoying just keep it to yourself for the most part, 99% of people will accept you if you just act normal and happen to also be gay.

You do understand that just like straight people gays can be annoying too?
(edited 7 years ago)

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