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If I were you op, I would also ignore those that are ridiculing you. It's okay to care zealously about your grades because for some people, being smart is all they've got. Plus, there's nothing inherently logical about emotion or perfectionism.
*Politically incorrect post alert. If you're a snowflake please stop reading immediately.*
Try going to Oxbridge. You'll be competing against 100's of them, all of whom have been the cleverest at their own schools. Perfectionism soon wears off, I promise
. It will have to give in at some point anyway, usually when you're so mentally stretched you don't have time or energy for it. The sooner, the better.
Try going to Oxbridge. You'll be competing against 100's of them, all of whom have been the cleverest at their own schools. Perfectionism soon wears off, I promise
. It will have to give in at some point anyway, usually when you're so mentally stretched you don't have time or energy for it. The sooner, the better.There’s always going to be someone smarter than you, just accept it. However, you need to do the best you can do, and you can do this by revising (moderately, so you don’t burn yourself out) and doing the homework to make sure you understand the topics you’re learning in class. I struggled with the same problem as you, and still do, but I’ve learnt to not let it bother me. I currently have a grade 8 and this girl has a grade 9 and when I found out, I was absolutely disappointed because my teacher constantly raved about my talent in English. I started to think, if I’m so good, then why did [insert girl’s name] do so much better than me? It’s not a healthy mentality and you need to break out of it.
If it helps, I was the same. The whole way growing up I was told in primary and by some subject teachers in high school that id never be great at school or their subject numerous times. It really annoyed me and it made me set it as a goal to prove them wrong and I worked my ass off in my exams ( i failed a few tests leading up to my exams and it made me want to cry too because all I wanted to do was try and do the best for myself!) If you're willing to put the effort in, there's no reason why you couldn't be great at school. I finished my higher exams this year with 5 A band 1's which was the best in my year and i'm by far not the most naturally smart, it was just my hard work that got me there and lots of it! 
It gave me a lot of motivation this mindset so I wouldnt worry about it too much as long as you dont totally overdo it and burn yourself out. I definitely wouldn't have got what i got without it!
It gave me a lot of motivation this mindset so I wouldnt worry about it too much as long as you dont totally overdo it and burn yourself out. I definitely wouldn't have got what i got without it!
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by Future-Barista
If I were you op, I would also ignore those that are ridiculing you. It's okay to care zealously about your grades because for some people, being smart is all they've got. Plus, there's nothing inherently logical about emotion or perfectionism.
You seem to falsely equate performance at school with being smart. This is not necessarily the case; grades need not determine the perception one has of their intelligence.
Caring too much, i.e. near mental breakdown -level, about your grades, will hurt you in the long run. Forming your personal identity on your ability to perform perfectly at academic pursuits will set you back. Devoting countless hours to avoid the slightest impurity in grade reports doesn't develop skills useful in the real world. Perfectionism leads to a tendency to see life as a competition, where one's self-worth is determined by only their performance relative to others.
The above characterisation used to apply to me, then I realised that there is more to life than just worrying about grades or the future. My grades did not tank and my mental health improved.
Original post by tuukkathegeek
You seem to falsely equate performance at school with being smart. This is not necessarily the case; grades need not determine the perception one has of their intelligence.
Caring too much, i.e. near mental breakdown -level, about your grades, will hurt you in the long run. Forming your personal identity on your ability to perform perfectly at academic pursuits will set you back. Devoting countless hours to avoid the slightest impurity in grade reports doesn't develop skills useful in the real world. Perfectionism leads to a tendency to see life as a competition, where one's self-worth is determined by only their performance relative to others.
The above characterisation used to apply to me, then I realised that there is more to life than just worrying about grades or the future. My grades did not tank and my mental health improved.
Caring too much, i.e. near mental breakdown -level, about your grades, will hurt you in the long run. Forming your personal identity on your ability to perform perfectly at academic pursuits will set you back. Devoting countless hours to avoid the slightest impurity in grade reports doesn't develop skills useful in the real world. Perfectionism leads to a tendency to see life as a competition, where one's self-worth is determined by only their performance relative to others.
The above characterisation used to apply to me, then I realised that there is more to life than just worrying about grades or the future. My grades did not tank and my mental health improved.
Original post by tuukkathegeek
You seem to falsely equate performance at school with being smart. This is not necessarily the case; grades need not determine the perception one has of their intelligence.
Caring too much, i.e. near mental breakdown -level, about your grades, will hurt you in the long run. Forming your personal identity on your ability to perform perfectly at academic pursuits will set you back. Devoting countless hours to avoid the slightest impurity in grade reports doesn't develop skills useful in the real world. Perfectionism leads to a tendency to see life as a competition, where one's self-worth is determined by only their performance relative to others.
The above characterisation used to apply to me, then I realised that there is more to life than just worrying about grades or the future. My grades did not tank and my mental health improved.
Caring too much, i.e. near mental breakdown -level, about your grades, will hurt you in the long run. Forming your personal identity on your ability to perform perfectly at academic pursuits will set you back. Devoting countless hours to avoid the slightest impurity in grade reports doesn't develop skills useful in the real world. Perfectionism leads to a tendency to see life as a competition, where one's self-worth is determined by only their performance relative to others.
The above characterisation used to apply to me, then I realised that there is more to life than just worrying about grades or the future. My grades did not tank and my mental health improved.
I don't think you fully understand. My point is that high grades are some people's only notable achievement. Yes, high grades don't mean you're objectively smart, but they're good evidence that you know your stuff.
Because of this, it's understandable that people would worry about their grades or be upset it they don't get what they expected. Thus I argue people shouldn't really get angry at people who complain they didn't get an A grade or whatever.
But just like you mentioned, it is definitely not a good thing to worry too much about grades as there is more to life.
Original post by Future-Barista
I don't think you fully understand. My point is that high grades are some people's only notable achievement. Yes, high grades don't mean you're objectively smart, but they're good evidence that you know your stuff.
Because of this, it's understandable that people would worry about their grades or be upset it they don't get what they expected. Thus I argue people shouldn't really get angry at people who complain they didn't get an A grade or whatever.
But just like you mentioned, it is definitely not a good thing to worry too much about grades as there is more to life.
Because of this, it's understandable that people would worry about their grades or be upset it they don't get what they expected. Thus I argue people shouldn't really get angry at people who complain they didn't get an A grade or whatever.
But just like you mentioned, it is definitely not a good thing to worry too much about grades as there is more to life.
My argument was against your statement that it is okay to care about your grades zealously. In my opinion, that kind of thinking is never warranted. I do agree that people should not complain about someone being upset for not achieving their goals but such complaints are in the right when merely being upset changes to having mental breakdowns.
you'll learn to live with it, literally in my case
i am humbled everyday by my flatmates, some i'd reckon the top percent in the country.
however i do insist intelligence is not a gift or a talent. its much more about character.
tbf thats just a way of me saying im too lazy, i could be much more if i tried. everyone can be more if they tried
upbringing, what drives you, what gets you pumped change from person to person. be glad you're not someone you're not i guess
i am humbled everyday by my flatmates, some i'd reckon the top percent in the country.
however i do insist intelligence is not a gift or a talent. its much more about character.
tbf thats just a way of me saying im too lazy, i could be much more if i tried. everyone can be more if they tried
upbringing, what drives you, what gets you pumped change from person to person. be glad you're not someone you're not i guess
Original post by jade_oswell_89
Hello. I'm known to be a perfectionist, like a mental one as well. If I don't get the grade I want on a homework piece of an end of unit test I will literally have a mental breakdown in the school's bathroom. What makes it all worse is the fact is that I'm constantly competing against this other high-achiever in my class. He is getting higher grades than me and I'm getting sooo depressed to the point where I cry every single day before I go to bed and while I am on my way home. I study hard and everything, it's just that he's smarter.
you may just have to accept he is better than you in every aspect of your life. it is hard to understand right now but he is literally the most perfect person that has ever lived and crying over trying to beat him is pointless because it is impossible but crying because you want to be him is understandable.
however in the end there is no point in tears, because since you shed your first tear it has rendered you weak and the weak are never perfect. this boy, this guy, this MAN in your class has never cried which has led to them becoming perfect. achieving such a state of enlightenment even the buddah is taking notes.
Original post by the bear
there will always be someone smarter, richer, better looking etc.... if you spend your time worrying about this you will not enjoy your life.
Awwww
Original post by jade_oswell_89
Hello. I'm known to be a perfectionist, like a mental one as well. If I don't get the grade I want on a homework piece of an end of unit test I will literally have a mental breakdown in the school's bathroom. What makes it all worse is the fact is that I'm constantly competing against this other high-achiever in my class. He is getting higher grades than me and I'm getting sooo depressed to the point where I cry every single day before I go to bed and while I am on my way home. I study hard and everything, it's just that he's smarter.
Its not about being the best at something! Its honestly doesnt matter! If you get the grade/mark YOU want then its fine. There's no point competing with people in your class because your never going to appreciate your marks. Some people who would've done worse than you would still be happy because they've achieved what they want to achieve. Anyway in life someone will always be better. Wait till you get to uni and there's around 100 other people than you. You cant compete with everysingle person until your the best thats just a waste of time. If you keep having the mentality of 'being the best' trust me it will rather go against you and pull you down. I know this from previous years and it sure got a hold of me! So plz plz plzzz stop crying and getting upset because you are defo smarter than that! Crying will instead block your mind hence slow down your studying etc.
Sorry if i offended you in anyway! I just wanted to point out that academics isnt about being the best but doing your personal best! Also sorry for the speech i got carried away haha xxxxx
All the best xxx
Original post by the bear
there will always be someone smarter, richer, better looking etc.... if you spend your time worrying about this you will not enjoy your life.
Learning this, and accepting it, can be quite hard for somebody people though. But it's very enlightening and refreshing when you do
This is what helped me get through this: if you think about competition, you attract more competition into your life....so instead set goals for yourself, focus on enjoying studying rather than enjoying competing, and work on your weaknesses in a positive way 😉
Your grades do not equal to your identity
Your grades do not equal to your identity
(edited 6 years ago)
I honestly feel the same, I just keep comparing myself to my friend and I cry because of this. My art teacher praises her the most, I'm probably 3rd/2nd in art whilst shes 1st, but what takes her no effort it takes me so much time, I'm not saying that she doesn't spend a lot of time doing it, its just that it would probably take up more time than I have. Literally, I feel so discouraged to even look at my sketchbook sometimes, and it really does hurt my head.
The best thing to do is to just keep thinking that your trying your hardest. And keep on thinking that your grades don't make you.
The best thing to do is to just keep thinking that your trying your hardest. And keep on thinking that your grades don't make you.
(edited 6 years ago)
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