I'm a guy and very self conscious of my looks...how can I stop being self conscious?

Is that normal? I spend an hour in the shower and about 20 minutes brushing my teeth and making sure that they're pure white. When going out i take ages to get ready and will not go out until my hair is just perfect.
I got a haircut recently and the barber ****ed it up and it made me really angry and want to cry. One side has more hair than the other. It's usually girls that are judged based on their looks more than guys and they have more pressure on themselves but i cant help feeling pathetic.
I wont even look at people if one item of clothing or my hair doesnt look right. Naturally i dont have many friends as a result. I really hate this. I wan't like this when i was on anti depressants but im not goingback on them. I got some photos taken in a club last night and my face and hair looks awful.
Even when i work out, i hate that my arms are small and dont match each other in size. What can i do about this??

Reply 1

HortyNarcissus

You need to put into perspective whether you notice all the physical traits you are obsessed with, in other people. You will be suprised how little you notice about someones appearance in day to day situations.

Reply 2

The Real Quaid

16

Join the club!

You should post a poll asking if guys are happy with the way they look - I guarantee most are less than 100% happy.

You sound like a perfectionist, which isn't a bad thing. But who really gives a rat's ass? So your hair is a bit messy, your teeth are off-white, your clothes are a bit creased...anyone who thinks that's important is a superficial cock.

P.S: If you're not happy with the way someone cuts your hair, just tell them. You wouldn't want a Surgeon leaving a wound open, would you? Tell them to finish the job!

Reply 3

kittycake

Nobody is perfect, you are you and you should be proud. Put more effort into making friends and meeting people instead of your looks.

Reply 4

fodé

10

Original post by Anonymous

I got a haircut recently and the barber ****ed it up and it made me really angry and want to cry.

A man would want to kick the barber's ass, not cry. So you may want to reevaluate that "I'm a guy". A dick isn't enough.

Reply 5

helpme7

I guess i am quite self conscious about my looks but i am most bothered about my hair tbh If im being 100% i can look quite good looking if my hair is done correctly but most of the time my hair is annoying and i can never have it how i want it. I use to have it short and spiky but im in the process or growing it because i guess i am quite self conscious of many things eg forehead bigger than average and i cant stick it up well because it flops down what annoys me soo much. When i get home i just get the gel out of my hair. But when my hair grows then i shall not have that problem.
I usually spend about 10-15 mins in the morning just trying to get a hairstyle that i like but i always run out of time and go out looking like a proper mess which kinda makes me self consious

I guess i bother what clothes i wear. Some i think look awful on me so i change to somthing i like

Reply 6

Deeduldum

I appreciate what other posters are saying that many people worry about their looks, but I think the OP actually is recognising that he is worried about his appearance to an unhealthy degree (e.g. impacting on his ability to make/keep friends/spending 20 minutes brushing his teeth etc). Particularly if anti-depressants did help you to put your appearance concerns into perspective, it does seem like it is possible for you to feel better. There is an excellent book called 'Boosting Self Esteem for Dummies' which deals with appearance concerns head on. I know the title doesn't sound very sophisticated but it is actually an excellent book and the authors both work at the private Priory mental health clinic, and are experts in the field. I think you might want to consider cognitive behavioural therapy as well. Did you ever talk about this as an option when you were given the anti-depressants?

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 7

The Real Quaid

16

Original post by fodé

A man would want to kick the barber's ass, not cry. So you may want to reevaluate that "I'm a guy". A dick isn't enough.

He said guy though, not man

Reply 8

ned0

1

You need some pyschological help I feel. Please see one soon

Reply 9

SnoochToTheBooch

17

if you aren't trolling then this is abnormal. take some acid or mushrooms man, get some perspective.

Reply 10

im so academic

15

Original post by Anonymous

Is that normal? I spend an hour in the shower and about 20 minutes brushing my teeth and making sure that they're pure white. When going out i take ages to get ready and will not go out until my hair is just perfect.
I got a haircut recently and the barber ****ed it up and it made me really angry and want to cry. One side has more hair than the other. It's usually girls that are judged based on their looks more than guys and they have more pressure on themselves but i cant help feeling pathetic.
I wont even look at people if one item of clothing or my hair doesnt look right. Naturally i dont have many friends as a result. I really hate this. I wan't like this when i was on anti depressants but im not goingback on them. I got some photos taken in a club last night and my face and hair looks awful.
Even when i work out, i hate that my arms are small and dont match each other in size. What can i do about this??

At least you're not a woman. At least you can become rich and there are lots of young hot women who would want you after that.

Reply 11

lilyhan

i think you excessively are self conscious of your looks, maybe you can low your attitude to make effort to make friends, paying attention to looking, clothes or dress up, something like that, it is so common, but i think can not be excessive, just keep clean and clear, it is okay.. :smile:

Reply 12

Pixiefairy

15

i'm really self conscious but i have really low self esteem

Reply 13

Converse Rocker

16

Why don't you try the 'messy hair' look? That way, your hair can never be out of place, because it's meant to be out of place, no?

Just a thought :smile:

Like someone else above posted, see if you notice all these tiny details in other people. When you realise you are the only one that notices, it doesn't matter all that much!

Appearance is only a tiny part of a person, and not one worth absolutely obsessing over.

Reply 14

ilovefashion90

11

Original post by Anonymous

Is that normal? I spend an hour in the shower and about 20 minutes brushing my teeth and making sure that they're pure white. When going out i take ages to get ready and will not go out until my hair is just perfect.
I got a haircut recently and the barber ****ed it up and it made me really angry and want to cry. One side has more hair than the other. It's usually girls that are judged based on their looks more than guys and they have more pressure on themselves but i cant help feeling pathetic.
I wont even look at people if one item of clothing or my hair doesnt look right. Naturally i dont have many friends as a result. I really hate this. I wan't like this when i was on anti depressants but im not goingback on them. I got some photos taken in a club last night and my face and hair looks awful.
Even when i work out, i hate that my arms are small and dont match each other in size. What can i do about this??

You do all this to look attractive right? So try to understand that confidence is attractive and your attitude and obsessiveness over your appearance isnt attractive. I think you should gradually cut down the amount of time you spend getting ready and try to ocus on meeting new people and making friends. Would you notice if someone else's haircut was slightly thinner on one side?

Reply 15

magic17

i feel the pain bro.... i am very self conscious about the way i look. i admit my face is ugly. but my body is pretty decent. i constantly avoid certain lights that i feel make me look ugly, whenever i did my hair it took me forever and i was never happy. even at times..having come out the shower i could not get my hair sitting right. i would start to sweat and have another shower again :frown:

i went to the docs and got tablets but it never made much difference. i now shave my hair . but it does not help much. i think i might suffer from BDD.

Reply 16

SGA Predator

Don't worry OP you're not alone. If anything I'd say males are more self concious than females, we are just under more pressure to keep it hidden away to maintain our "masculinity".

Reply 17

newts2k

14

Original post by Pixiefairy

i'm really self conscious but i have really low self esteem

why? You're pretty.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 18

newts2k

14

Original post by ilovefashion90

You do all this to look attractive right? So try to understand that confidence is attractive and your attitude and obsessiveness over your appearance isnt attractive. I think you should gradually cut down the amount of time you spend getting ready and try to ocus on meeting new people and making friends. Would you notice if someone else's haircut was slightly thinner on one side?

Yeah but you can be confident and if you're not attractive, women will NOT find you attractive

Reply 19

JollyGreenAtheist

14

The idiosyncrasies of an appearance are endearing. Relax and be yourself.

If you spend so long creating this waxen image or yourself, hoping to appease the masses, the masses will mistake you for something or someone else.

I'm a guy and very self conscious of my looks...how can I stop being self conscious?

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