English Literature GCSE answer (what grade?)

Here’s one complete paragraph I’ve done on a past paper about the police force in the sign of the four about regarding Athelney Jones. It took me about 30 minutes to write this (part of the reason I’m doing practice questions is to improve my speed) I haven’t done the part where it asks you to write about Athelney Jones in the novel as a whole though. Only the extract part

In Conan Doyle’s novella, the sign of the four, published in 1890, Doyle presents the police force as an incredible flawed force which attempt to cover cases they struggle to solve. Doyle May have intended to illustrate how the media’s representation of the police force being effective and integrated is merely a false illusion to deceive society for the sake of reducing panic

In the extract, Arthur Conan Doyle presents Athelney Jones as a comedic character to demonstrate an example of the ineffective police force in Victorian society. When Athelney Jones walks into the room, he is narrated as “red-faced, burly and plethoric.” The excessive use of adjectives to describe Athelney Jones’ appearance particularly demonstrates his bulky demeanour which can be viewed as comic relief. This further signifies him as an Irrelevant character who shouldn’t be taken seriously despite the higher authority he is in. Alternatively, the use of the adjective “plethoric” provokingly highlights his domineering appearance as a man full of blood, ready to unleash violence on whoever may attempt to challenge him. This could also cause him to appear as an intimidating character to the reader which therefore causes more of a hostile reflection upon the police force as a collective. Additionally, Athelney Jones explains “Why, the house seems to be as full as a rabbit-Warren!” The use of the simile powerfully emphasise Athelney Jones’ perspective of Sherlock Holmes and his companion Dr Watson as soft-hearted men who could barely solve this case. This effectively shows how Athelney Jones is a fooolish character as ironically, the character he compares to soft animals have discovered more about the case than he has. This could the reader go feel that Athelney Jones is a ridiculous character who is causing the police force to be seen as even more ineffective as they already were in Victorian society. The police force was seen as weak and inefficient, similarly to how Athelney Jones refers to Sherlock and his friends as a “...rabbit-Warren...”.
Perhaps, Conan Doyle May have intended for the reader to have more faith in the work of detectives as they have much more potential to prevent crime than the insufficient work force of the police, who struggled to solve the ‘Jack the ripper’ case which tremendously impacted many members of Victorian society

So what grade would you give this?