Gcse paper 2 question 5

ethanjw2005

Please could someone mark my question 5 and give me feedback ?

The
Guardian

Pets are treated too well in today’s society by their owners!

In the past hundred of years ,more and more of people have been buying pets as people loving owning a pet as they can cherish it and give it a good quailty of life,even though people are doing it for the greater good,people who own pets are treating their pet (s) to well.

Pet’s cost

One economic effect about having a pet, is the fact that they are cost effective.Meaning that when owning pets( like cats and dogs),you have to pay for vaccinations,insurance, as well as pet food,toys and a bed which can be expensive.Pet owners spend lots of money on their pet but why?All this money that pet owners spend on their pets could be spent on themselves but they decide to spend it on luxurious items for their pet like expensive treats and toys,which aren’t an necessity which is why pets are treated too well, in today’s society.Pets At Home CEO said,”We see daily,the increase in the amount of money pet owners are spending on products for their pets which they don’t need to spend,but for a company like us it is great”.

What is the actual reason people love pets and spend a fortune on them?

⅓ of pet owners say,that one of the main indicators that made them get a pet was to treat it like a child or a partner that could keep them company, which they might not have.Surely, this is the reason why pet owners spend a fortune on their pets, because ⅓ of pet owners treat their pet like a child or a partner,meaning they will spend a fortune their pet to keep it happy and entertained?Because pet owners are so attached to their pet they love and cherish it, so they spent an excess amount on their pet.

Because pets are treated so well they think they are entitled
Because pet owners give so much affection to their pets, as well as spending so much money on pets,( meaning they are treated so well) pets think because they are treated so well through affection,attention and money spent on them that they can act sorrowful to their owners to have as much as they want,because ⅔ of pet owners don’t set boundries for their pets.

What’s the solution to pets being treated so well?!
Pet owners,need to stop spending so much money on pets,giving pets too much affection and attention,unless they need it.

Reply 1

Georgeallen

Content and Organisation - 10/24
Technical Accuracy - 8/16
Overall - 18/40

It was a successfully structured piece in the sense that you had the subheadings followed by the information. I also liked your implementation of facts/statistics in order to offer validity to your writing. There was good use of rhetorical questions to engage the reader, and positive use of exclamation marks to emphasise your points. However, some areas were quite challenging to read, meaning you couldn't access the upper band which states that your communication must be "consistently clear". I would definitely recommend writing a quick plan before starting to write your response to this question. It can be very easy to rush ahead and get a little lost in your thoughts. Also, there were many places where commas were used incorrectly. There were many instances where full stops would have added clarity to your piece. Finally, the sentence structure in some areas was weak. There was a lot of repetition of words which took away from your actual piece. Try to use pronouns rather than repeating the noun (such as "pet"). This is also a great time to attempt to implement more ambitious vocabulary into your response

If you have any other responses you would like marking please let me know! If not, I wish you all the best for tomorrow's exam.

Reply 2

ethanjw2005

Thank you( Original post by Georgeallen)Content and Organisation - 10/24
Technical Accuracy - 8/16
Overall - 18/40

It was a successfully structured piece in the sense that you had the subheadings followed by the information. I also liked your implementation of facts/statistics in order to offer validity to your writing. There was good use of rhetorical questions to engage the reader, and positive use of exclamation marks to emphasise your points. However, some areas were quite challenging to read, meaning you couldn't access the upper band which states that your communication must be "consistently clear". I would definitely recommend writing a quick plan before starting to write your response to this question. It can be very easy to rush ahead and get a little lost in your thoughts. Also, there were many places where commas were used incorrectly. There were many instances where full stops would have added clarity to your piece. Finally, the sentence structure in some areas was weak. There was a lot of repetition of words which took away from your actual piece. Try to use pronouns rather than repeating the noun (such as "pet"). This is also a great time to attempt to implement more ambitious vocabulary into your response

If you have any other responses you would like marking please let me know! If not, I wish you all the best for tomorrow's exam.

thank you so much for your help