Did I go too off topic? Eng Lang 1

Hi,
So for question 5 I decided to do the decription of the bus journey however I'm wondering if I didn't focus on the bus journey enough to warrant high marks.
My description was on the scenes going past while looking out of the bus window, it mainly focussed on how the people in the street all follow a materialistic way of life in which I included an extended metaphor throughout linked to an subconscious addiction of items everyone has and how this was the journey/road to recovery. This progressed by as the journey going on we got more into the suburbs, into purer looking places, this continueing the metaphor for how addiction can be treated over a prolonged amount of time.

I failed to mention any details of the actual bus but I did mention that this was a bus journey, the journey representing the road to recovery.

Do you think this is okay considering I failed to mention specific detials on the bus itself?

Thanks.

Reply 1

KFrostMU

11

Slightly off topic yes. I kinda did the same but i realised during the exam and wrote more about the bus

Reply 2

Leafy is beafy

8

looks like you did. i think you'll lose about 35% of the marks due to that. This is due to the fact that the examiners stated in BOLD every year that students are going off topic way too often. So they started to penalize it even more now.

Reply 3

SilkH

OP

5

Original post by Leafy is beafy

looks like you did. i think you'll lose about 35% of the marks due to that. This is due to the fact that the examiners stated in BOLD every year that students are going off topic way too often. So they started to penalize it even more now.

35%?!
If i remember though it didn't specify to describe the bus but rather the journey, so if I'm saying how I'm going past certain scenary which I made clear was from being on a bus, surely it wouldn't be that high?

Reply 4

Leafy is beafy

8

Original post by SilkH

35%?!
If i remember though it didn't specify to describe the bus but rather the journey, so if I'm saying how I'm going past certain scenary which I made clear was from being on a bus, surely it wouldn't be that high?

Maybe 27% if they're feeling generous..

Reply 5

KFrostMU

11

You should of been more descriptive about the bus than the environent outside. Either way whats done is done and you need to make sure you read the question carefully next paper!

Original post by SilkH

35%?!
If i remember though it didn't specify to describe the bus but rather the journey, so if I'm saying how I'm going past certain scenary which I made clear was from being on a bus, surely it wouldn't be that high?

Reply 6

BIGBOY6969

5

The English Language Exam today for section A i smashed it But for section b it was about 2 people and their backgrounds where i had to produce a story and i talked about how the 2 people had 2 different backgrounds and they got bullied in school due to their background did i do it wrong as i had no idea and im stressed over it???

Reply 7

aaman44

4

Original post by SilkH

Hi,
So for question 5 I decided to do the decription of the bus journey however I'm wondering if I didn't focus on the bus journey enough to warrant high marks.
My description was on the scenes going past while looking out of the bus window, it mainly focussed on how the people in the street all follow a materialistic way of life in which I included an extended metaphor throughout linked to an subconscious addiction of items everyone has and how this was the journey/road to recovery. This progressed by as the journey going on we got more into the suburbs, into purer looking places, this continueing the metaphor for how addiction can be treated over a prolonged amount of time.

I failed to mention any details of the actual bus but I did mention that this was a bus journey, the journey representing the road to recovery.

Do you think this is okay considering I failed to mention specific detials on the bus itself?

Thanks.

Should be fine imo. I mean I lifted a few phrases from Christmas Carol(which I studied for English Literature) so I used things like " misanthropic ice" and "dingy mist"

I know I'm really pushing it there and the examiner may think I have no clue what I'm talking about may deduct me marks.
Oh well

Reply 8

Shadow_Messiah19

8

When it said a description suggested by the image, I thought it wanted a story involving a bus, so I wrote about some guy who was bored on the bus everyday so started noticing people's fidgeting until one guy didn't do anything, he stalked him and was led to a desolate bus stop that wasn't really real, the man disappeared and he was stuck there forever, ending with a message to the reader. Honestly I think we both messed up but hopefully we get marks for our story making, literary devices and our technical accuracy regardless of the plot

Reply 9

Nicxle.

I did the exact same but obviously a different story.

Reply 10

Haymaker37

3

The question stated "describe a bus journey based suggested by this picture" which suggests that you are allowed to tell a story to an certain extent but it should contain a plentiful amount of description.

Reply 11

hassan sherif

1

in my story I spoke about, a crazy smell on the bus and how sickening it was, then I described the weather outside and I was supposed to meet a girl but I couldn't be drippin in rain, so I missed my stop and 10 minutes later the bus had broken down in an area I haven't seen. So everyone waited and sat down, and there was gunshots and I knew the people who was doing it and felt they was comin for me so I prayed thered be engine and it worked and I was going to drive the bus

Reply 12

hassan sherif

1

and I described that light place as a cinema in the pictur

Reply 13

SilkH

OP

5

Original post by Youo2001

When it said a description suggested by the image, I thought it wanted a story involving a bus, so I wrote about some guy who was bored on the bus everyday so started noticing people's fidgeting until one guy didn't do anything, he stalked him and was led to a desolate bus stop that wasn't really real, the man disappeared and he was stuck there forever, ending with a message to the reader. Honestly I think we both messed up but hopefully we get marks for our story making, literary devices and our technical accuracy regardless of the plot

Well luckily I didn't write a story, it remained a decriptive piece so hopefully I didn't mess up as bad as I thought.

Reply 14

xoxbeckywxox

6

Hey, look, you've got a creative licence here! You should be fine, I would think, as it sounds like you made it clear that it was a bus journey. It might not get top marks if you haven't describe what it's like inside the bus, but you should still get lots of marks for a well written descriptive piece.

Did I go too off topic? Eng Lang 1

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