AQA English Language Unit 1 Help Plzzzzz

Please can anybody able to mark this out of 8 for question 3 thoughts and feelings. This took me 12 mins exactly to do. Please may you leave improvements aswell :smile:

thanks

Markscheme;
Band 1, 1-2 marks - Limited description of the text with little reference to the thoughts and feeling about flying. Confusingly written, possibly with whole sections of the text copied out, No clear structure points random order.
Band 2, 3-4 marks - Some points made showing you've understood some of the authors thoughts and feelings about flying. Some quotes used to support points. More clearly written mostly in own words showing some understanding of the text. Some points are linked together to give the answer a loose structure.
Band 3, 5-6 marks - Clear explanation of the thoughts and feelings that the writer states and shows through his writing. Relevant quotes used to back up clear points. Clear written showing a good understanding of the text and using own words throughout answer. Clear structure with most points linked together easy to follow.
Band 4, 7-8 marks - Detailed and thoughtful interpretation of the thoughts and feelings stated and implied by the writer. Relevant quotes used to back up detailed points. Detailed summary showing a full understanding of teh text with confident use of technical terms. Well-structured, with thoughts and feelings discussed in a fluent way.

My Answer:
One feeling Simpson shows is how he found himself doing weird things on a plane which a normal person wouldn't do. We see that Simpson starts to feel 'anxiety,' this is how his fear began and overcomed him taking over how he reacts. This feeling has made him feel in panic and had made him 'locked.' Simpson has no way to escape, his fears and being in a situation has made him feel 'embraced' with the feelings inside that he wants to release but is unable to since he has no way to escape and tries to conceal his panic calmly through himself.
Later on Simpson shows the feelings of how he started his fear and shows this through a range of emotions. We see that Simpson is 'terrified' from this experience and wants to go but is trapped on the plane, his feelings of panic have taken him over and feels this from the 'dip' which occurs during the planes journey making it uncomfortable for him. We see that only Simpson at the moment is scared while his friend David is more relaxed and this makes Simpson feel they have nothing to worry about, but Simpson suddenly experiences a feeling that makes him 'yawing alarmingly' with these instant reactions of the dip give him the instinct that something unexpected is going to happen with not wanting to expect the dip and they try to avoid it Simpson doesn't know what’s going to happen.
Lastly Simpson's thoughts of the plane being damaged causes his vivid thoughts. We can see that Simpson was expecting a 'smooth rumble.' This shows Simpson knows what’s going to happen. At first he doesn't understand their feelings but now starts to know what’s going to happen making him realise that shouldn't be feared of having hindsight what’s going to occur. While on the other hand later on Simpson feels the plane is going 'frightening speed' his feelings of fear are still burdened on him and feels this speed is too fast and has images of the plane being 'hit' shows he feels for the plane since he knows its his security to keep him safe and doesn't want anything scary to happen.

Context Given;

Fear of Flying

In this extract, Joe Simpson, a famous mountaineer and writer, is remembering how he developed a fear of flying.

To put it mildly, I dislike flying. Since I spend a lot of time travelling around the world, this is rather inconvenient. Once, when flying from Islamabad to London, I was so overcome with anxiety that shortly take-off I found myself locked in the lavatory, braced across the seat with my legs jammed against the sink unit, in a state close to hysteria. I believe this irrational fear stemmed from a terrifying landing in Germany on a rain swept windy night in 1974. I was fourteen, and sitting by a window with my eldest brother, David, beside me as we approached the runway. I watched the wing dipping and yawing alarmingly as we flew through gusts of crosswind. David seemed quite unperturbed by the conditions and calmly read his book. Up to then I had happily accepted that flying was the safest way to travel and that the probability of ever knowing someone who had been involved in an air crash, let alone experiencing it myself, was so small as to be not worth thinking about.

I watched the runway lights appear out of the gloomy darkness. They were fixed to box-shaped metal poles at intervals along the edge of the tarmac. As the ground rushed up towards us I sat back and waited for the smooth tumble as the undercarriage met the concrete. Suddenly we dropped with a stomach emptying swoop and hit the runway with shocking force. I felt the impact of it thudding up through my seat. There was a loud bang and the aircraft bounced back into the air before lurching drunkenly down again on to the tarmac. After we struck the second time we seemed to be tearing along on two wheels, canted steeply over on my side. The overhead lockers flew open, the lights went out, and many of the passengers started screaming and shouting. Flight bags, coats and bottles of duty free gin and whiskey cascaded down from the lockers.

I remember starting fixedly out of the window, watching the wing tip dipping towards the runway lights that were flashing past with frightening speed. I was convinced they were going to hit the wing, and I knew enough about wings full of fuel and high velocity impacts to guess what would happen if they did.
I didn't scream, and nor did David, but in the brief moment of darkness I clearly heard adult males yelling in panic. Frightened as I was, I remember thinking that men were not supposed to scream; at least, they never did so it films. It was unnerving to hear. Suddenly the plane righted itself, the reverse thrust of the engines began to brake our hurting charge, and the lights came back on. Within seconds we were taxiing down the runway at walking speed.

Reply 1

Chlorophile

Original post by ChocoholicCox

Firstly, you start the essay with a sentence that doesn't make sense which doesn't really do you any favours. Finding yourself doing "weird things... which a normal person wouldn't do" isn't a feeling, it's an action. You continue to talk about anxiety, but you're not really making any links with the text. This is a problem that seems to continue throughout the text because whilst you've integrated quotes very smoothly into your essay, you're generally picking out single words which could have come from anywhere. It's fine to mention that Simon feels "anxiety" and feels "locked", but only if you're introducing it in context.

The other issue is that you're not really explaining anything. Your essay is more like a Question 1 answer than a Question 3 answer.

You're not being marked on spelling or grammar in Section A, but you're not doing yourself any favours when your writing is difficult to read. For example, this sentence is far too long:

We see that only Simpson at the moment is scared while his friend David is more relaxed and this makes Simpson feel they have nothing to worry about, but Simpson suddenly experiences a feeling that makes him 'yawing alarmingly' with these instant reactions of the dip give him the instinct that something unexpected is going to happen with not wanting to expect the dip and they try to avoid it Simpson doesn't know what’s going to happen.

I'm taking this exam like you so I'm not very qualified to mark this. However, I don't really see how I could give this more than a Band 2. You're making some valid points but it's not particularly clear, it's definitely not easy to follow and it's not overly convincing either.

You'd probably be better off writing less and thinking more about the question. If you made a plan before writing this answer, I think you could have improved it at least to Band 3 even if you had written less.

Reply 2

ChocoholicCox

Thanks, just wandering how would you plan for question 3? Also I just did another one for a different context to what i did before, do u think this is better or worse?

One thought shown is when Bryson feels in shock and his feelings of fear overcome his actions. We see that Bryson’s brain has ‘neutrons dashing.’ This is how Bryson's thoughts reacts to the bear and does not know what to do, this makes him feel more nervous having the thought of what the animal is and how he can prevent it. He knows that he needs to protect himself when discovering, but wants most of all to feel ‘comfort’ since he doesn’t want to know what is outside but wants it to go away.
Later on we see Bryson's feelings of fear of the bear and his actions show his feelings of being terrified. We see that Bryson starts taking baby steps to express his feelings ‘shuffled on his knees.’ This is how Bryson reacts with his feelings of being scared and feels uncomfortable being in his own tent. Bryson’s fear is noticed with his body being unable to do basic human actions and his feeling of fear has overcome his ‘nerves’ and has made him b unable to move and instead his feelings of being uncomfortable has taken away his will power to move and feels too scared to stand up.
Later on we see that Bryson has the feeling of no sense of security since he has nothing to protect himself. We see that Bryson asks Stephen ‘do you have a knife?’ Bryson shows his thoughts of relying on Stephen and has the feeling that without protection he knows they will be killed even though Bryson feels he finds himself ‘wimpy.’ Bryson also has the thought they don’t know what to expect from hearing a ‘stegosaurus’ to a ‘bear’ there thoughts are contradicted throughout.
Lastly Bryson feels comfort near his friend since he knows he is safe. We see that Bryson knows he has protection and feels he is safe this is because he knows the feeling of friendship is able to conquer through anything and neglects any thoughts and feelings from before and feels he can accomplish anything.