everything in my life goes wrong, I'm tired of trying

I'm 18, and all my life I've had problems. Everytime things are finally looking good, all comes crashing down. I have a stammer, and most of my secondary school years, I was bullied because of it, which killed any confidence I had. Ugly and usless is how I saw myself. Then college came and I thought it would be a chance to start again. Everything went great for a few months, I started working out and was getting into shape as the months went by, I felt so good and confident. Then ofcourse something bad had to happen, an abcess formed in my lower left tooth and I had a huge infection with a lot of pain which meant I couldn't eat, So I went back to being a twig. This happened to be around Jan exam time so I lost weeks on revision time and ended up failing my exam. So after months of depression i picked myself up again and started again. I felt good again, started working out and then yup... Someone close to me died and also lost my bestfriend over an argument. So then the end of my AS year approached and I was literally by myself everyday with noone to hang out with. The year ended and I failed all my exams. After speaking with the college they agreed to letting me start again. The first few months went great, i made a bunch of new friends, got called hot for the first time ever, was in the best shape I've ever been in, was doing great in college and finally got my first girlfriend. I was so happy. Then a few days ago she dumped me for being too closed "you've built your walls too high that noone can climb them" she said. I managed to injure my jaw somehow and have swellings on both sides of my face, seems very likely that I have TMD now. This is just everything simplified, I've had a friend call me ugly, laugh at deaths of family members and other things. I'm sick of everything going wrong in my life, it seems I'm just not allowed to be happy. I've had enough and I'm honestly just thinking of ending everything and taking this huge burden of a life from my shoulders.

Reply 1

tehforum

20

Original post by Anonymous

I'm 18, and all my life I've had problems. Everytime things are finally looking good, all comes crashing down. I have a stammer, and most of my secondary school years, I was bullied because of it, which killed any confidence I had. Ugly and usless is how I saw myself. Then college came and I thought it would be a chance to start again. Everything went great for a few months, I started working out and was getting into shape as the months went by, I felt so good and confident. Then ofcourse something bad had to happen, an abcess formed in my lower left tooth and I had a huge infection with a lot of pain which meant I couldn't eat, So I went back to being a twig. This happened to be around Jan exam time so I lost weeks on revision time and ended up failing my exam. So after months of depression i picked myself up again and started again. I felt good again, started working out and then yup... Someone close to me died and also lost my bestfriend over an argument. So then the end of my AS year approached and I was literally by myself everyday with noone to hang out with. The year ended and I failed all my exams. After speaking with the college they agreed to letting me start again. The first few months went great, i made a bunch of new friends, got called hot for the first time ever, was in the best shape I've ever been in, was doing great in college and finally got my first girlfriend. I was so happy. Then a few days ago she dumped me for being too closed "you've built your walls too high that noone can climb them" she said. I managed to injure my jaw somehow and have swellings on both sides of my face, seems very likely that I have TMD now. This is just everything simplified, I've had a friend call me ugly, laugh at deaths of family members and other things. I'm sick of everything going wrong in my life, it seems I'm just not allowed to be happy. I've had enough and I'm honestly just thinking of ending everything and taking this huge burden of a life from my shoulders.

TMD?

The person who called you ugly and laughed at family members deaths is not a friend.

It'll get better OP.

Reply 2

gemgemsx

1

don't worry I know it must feel like youll never catch a break but things will get better, dont give up. If you need to chat you can message me

Reply 3

hasi

Heyyy dont get upsad.. Im sorrynto hear tht.. Thts teenage life i guess it always goes up and down.. By now i guess u figured out whatever has a good side has a bad side too.. In other words if u want the good timesbe ready to face the bad time too. It will turn out to be ok .. Everything.. And things will settle down. Everytime u face those problems you gain new experiences and different view points tht will let u develop. Try to make the best out of it. And friends like this.. I guess u dont need.. Try smiling to those ppl just dont care! :smile:

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 4

wardah2

11

Things will get better so please, don't end it all! Think of your family and how they'd feel if you did.
Just think of it as in the sooner your out of college, the better things will get. And if these 'friends' say stuff like that to you, then clearly they are not friends and you deserve much better. Concentrate on your education, get those grades, and once you go uni-that's if you want to go uni- or just anything else you do in life, I'm sure you will find people and well, they won't be absolute pricks like the 'friends' right now. And even if they called you ugly, there's not a 'definition' for ugly, different people have different tastes you don't need to make yourself look all good for those around you! If they find you attractive, then they find you attractive. If they don't, meh their loss right?

Have a positive approach to life, and instantly tell yourself 'things will get better' and be happy you're alive and your getting an education, things people are deprived of in other places. Even if you haven't got people to hang around with, go into the library in your free periods or something, revise your arse off and hopefully you'll be the one with those amazing grades and better job prospects than those 'friends' around you.

Reply 5

hali0112

15

Original post by Anonymous

I'm 18, and all my life I've had problems. Everytime things are finally looking good, all comes crashing down. I have a stammer, and most of my secondary school years, I was bullied because of it, which killed any confidence I had. Ugly and usless is how I saw myself. Then college came and I thought it would be a chance to start again. Everything went great for a few months, I started working out and was getting into shape as the months went by, I felt so good and confident. Then ofcourse something bad had to happen, an abcess formed in my lower left tooth and I had a huge infection with a lot of pain which meant I couldn't eat, So I went back to being a twig. This happened to be around Jan exam time so I lost weeks on revision time and ended up failing my exam. So after months of depression i picked myself up again and started again. I felt good again, started working out and then yup... Someone close to me died and also lost my bestfriend over an argument. So then the end of my AS year approached and I was literally by myself everyday with noone to hang out with. The year ended and I failed all my exams. After speaking with the college they agreed to letting me start again. The first few months went great, i made a bunch of new friends, got called hot for the first time ever, was in the best shape I've ever been in, was doing great in college and finally got my first girlfriend. I was so happy. Then a few days ago she dumped me for being too closed "you've built your walls too high that noone can climb them" she said. I managed to injure my jaw somehow and have swellings on both sides of my face, seems very likely that I have TMD now. This is just everything simplified, I've had a friend call me ugly, laugh at deaths of family members and other things. I'm sick of everything going wrong in my life, it seems I'm just not allowed to be happy. I've had enough and I'm honestly just thinking of ending everything and taking this huge burden of a life from my shoulders.

That's life, OP. Sometimes it goes well and sometimes it doesn't. It may not seem like it right now but the bad times won't last forever. It will get better :smile:

You have proven to yourself that you have the ability to bounce back from the bad times and pick yourself up and you can do it again. You've been through a lot and most people wouldn't bounce back from it as well as you have but you've done it. Let that remind you of how much courage you've shown already and use that to move forward and be happy again. You've got through the bullying, grief, self confidence issues, illness and exam pressures and have overcome it all before and still stayed strong.

I know it seems like the world is against you all the time and as you say 'I'm just not allowed to he happy' but sometimes that's just the way life is. We all have to go through so many ups and downs and you're not the only one. We all go through periods of ups and downs and whether you let it defeat you or whether you fight it is our choice. Think of all the happy times you've had too. Life's not always been bad right? But sometimes life's not fair. Sometimes life lets us down but that's the way it is. But life can also bring us so much good - your girlfriend, second chance at college, new friends, new confidence :smile:

Don't give up! You have fought your fears for so long and you will get through this too in time.

It is unfair of your ex to say that you are too closed. My ex too had troubles opening up after he endured lots of bullying at school but slowly he opened up and was able to speak about his past. It takes time, effort and lots of patience but he built those walls up to protect himself from hurt and judgement. Your girlfriend gave up too soon and didn't try hard enough. You've been through a lot and she should be more understanding and patient with you.

Also a lot of the things that you've gone through are not your fault. Your illness and loss of your close family member and bullying are out of your control. You cannot control what others say or think about you but you can control how you let it affect you. It's horrible what some people can say and do. It's in the past and you have shown immense strength overcoming that. The illness is and death are both unfortunate and one of the sad events we all have to endure in life. We cannot predict what will happen and sometimes illness just comes into our lives. It's not anyone's fault and you're not being punished by some higher power, illness just happens in life.

Stay strong OP. You have so much strength in you already to overcome all that you've gone through in the past and you will in time get through this too. Think of the future and not on the past. You cannot change what's done but you can change your outlook and your future :smile:

PM me if you wanna chat :smile:

Good luck

everything in my life goes wrong, I'm tired of trying

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