English GCSE paper 1 question 5

here is my answer to AQA english langauge paper 1 question 5 and mark it out of 40. give me your thoughts? and what i could improve on.

Admirable,appealing,charming:I stare the graceful sky.

I lay there standing with a herd of people like sheep's. The people were bashing,screaming,yelling,chattering aggressively.The buildings around me shines and glamours like fairy place.

And-Big Ben was standing proudly.

Thirty minutes ago the herd of people was pushing,shoving,jabbing,nudging and thirsty for tickets.They say like 'I was first in line' or 'YOUR CUTTING IN LINE!' shouting aggressively. I was crammed in the pack like I was squished in the cave. But we all eventually came through.

We all stand together waiting for it to happen.The crowed were cheering like they were going to explode.

They were all howling '5...4...3...2...1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!'

divine,grand,ablaze: The sky is full of happy,gaily memories.

its abit short don't ya think?

It is, I guess way too short.

To improve, add some description? Such as elaborate/ expand on something; an object or something.
If it helps, talk about all 5 senses too.

Lastly, don't worry about putting an 's' in sheep. There's no such word as 'sheeps' if I'm correct?