Is my teacher being too harsh or is it just me?

hi guys my teacher said that this was a C grade piece of work.
can you please read this and mark it out of 15. this is AQA English literature and is on Of Mice and Men. the question was:
How do you think Steinbeck uses the character of Candy in the novel as a whole to convey important ideas about society at that time? (15) (PART B)


Steinbeck uses all of his characters in his novel to symbolise or represent a certain part of society in 1930’s America. It is his representation of what life was like in that era. Although one character stands out from the rest which is Candy or the others from the ranch like to call him “the swamper”.
Steinbeck writes “his dog is his company and his equivalent of a friend” suggests that he is incredibly lonely as his only friend is a dog, an animal. The key word in this quote is “equivalent” because it has two meanings. Steinbeck is telling us that he is treated the same way as the dog. And I could go as far to say that maybe they even both share the same status which is minute or even nothing. He describes the dog’s movements “his ancient dog lifted his head and peered about, and then got painfully back to his feet to follow” this mirrors Candy in almost every way as Candy has been described as a “cripple” in the novel. In my opinion Steinbeck is trying to make us imagine and think about the intense difficulty old people had to face in this harsh, unforgiving society. In addition even though he is old he is expected to work as hard as everyone else if not harder because he knows that soon enough he will get fired as his weak limbs won’t be able to deal with the amount of strenuous physical work he has to do in the ranch.
Furthermore when crook’s sneers at the idea of owning their own place, his answer shows the comfort he gains from his new friends and the end to loneliness, “we gonna do it....me and Lennie and George”. This scene shows us a completely different side of Candy, an intimate side full of hopes and dreams. This reveals that although Candy is facing discrimination over his age and disability he is still able to look beyond the obstacles. Steinbeck is trying to show us that everyone in this society had a dream; although some couldn’t fulfil them previously, they still had them. Steinbeck reinforces this when Curley’s wife insults him he says “We got friends, thats what we got”. Candy shows her his authority or more so his dignity and tells her the importance of friends.
In conclusion Steinbeck uses Candy to highlight the discrimination which was being faced by elderly, “crippled” people who had to work for their entire lifetime. Furthermore America wasn’t a welfare state which was the reason for them working at such a late age. He uses dreams to show how he did have ambitions but his age and the economic downfall (1929 wall street crash) diminished his goals of doing so.
/15
THANKS A LOT! please give a mark out of 15!

Steinbeck writes “his dog is his company and his equivalent of a friend” suggests that he is incredibly lonely as his only friend is a dog, an animal.

thanks for the feed back much appreciated and i will take everything on board for the exam! so would you say it was worth an A?

Sorry but I agree with teacher...I would give it a 7/8 out of 15. I don't what level of difficulty AQA is (higher than A levels or around about GCSE's?) Firstly, the essay as a whole could have been written in a better way. Maybe avoid using phrases like 'this tells us this' and instead write 'this would imply that...' Also, I personally would never use first person In words like 'us' in an essay. Istead, you could write 'The reader is left feeling/Steinbeck attempts to show the reader...'

Secondly, I think you haven't really answered the question. In the main, you have simply described Candy's key traits and supported it with quotations. Only in the conclusion do you start talking about 'important ideas about the society' which is actually the central focus of this essay. There has to be a constant reference to what the questions asking. Maybe you were along the right lines in that discrimination was a significant part of society at that time but there are other things you could have looked at. For example, you could have had a paragraph on the economic problems (which you briefly mentioned) and how due to his disability and age, it would be very difficult for him to overcome such economic problems. Basically, you need to expand A LOT on the issues you mentioned in your conclusion.

Those are the 2 main things which I would change: using more sophisticated language and actually answering the question. But keep in mind that this is what I personally would do. Everyone has a different opinion. I am currently doing Advanced Higher which is equivalent to A level. From what I have learnt, a 15 mark essay should generally be around 2 pages if its hand written and roughly a page and a bit for typed up. I can't really tell how long your one is since its on tsr but it seems a bit short. Hopefully you find my comments constructive. Like I said, I'm unsure what level AQA is so maybe some of my comments are irrelevant. Good luck!

The content is there for a better mark, but there are a few glitches in style. (I'm an A Level English student and have realised too many times that just reading through your work thoroughly can easily smooth these minor errors out!) Definitely deserves higher than a C grade though, you stick to the focus of the question and the content is pretty strong. Go and get that remark!

really appreciate ur feedback as well! thanks. as i have said before this was an example of how the essay would have gone. and yes assume this was a sample from a 2 page essay then would you change your mind? i just dont believe that it was worth anywhere near a C.

Sorry but I agree with teacher...I would give it a 7/8 out of 15. I don't what level of difficulty AQA is (higher than A levels or around about GCSE's?) Firstly, the essay as a whole could have been written in a better way. Maybe avoid using phrases like 'this tells us this' and instead write 'this would imply that...' Also, I personally would never use first person In words like 'us' in an essay. Instead, you could write 'The reader is left feeling/Steinbeck attempts to show the reader...'

Secondly, I think you haven't really answered the question. In the main, you have simply described Candy's key traits and supported it with quotations. Only in the conclusion do you start talking about 'important ideas about the society' which is actually the central focus of this essay. There has to be a constant reference to what the questions asking. Maybe you were along the right lines in that discrimination was a significant part of society at that time but there are other things you could have looked at. For example, you could have had a paragraph on the economic problems (which you briefly mentioned) and how due to his disability and age, it would be very difficult for him to overcome such economic problems. Basically, you need to expand A LOT on the issues you mentioned in your conclusion.

Those are the 2 main things which I would change: using more sophisticated language and actually answering the question. But keep in mind that this is what I personally would do. Everyone has a different opinion. I am currently doing Advanced Higher which is equivalent to A level. From what I have learnt, a 15 mark essay should generally be around 2 pages if its hand written and roughly a page and a bit for typed up. I can't really tell how long your one is since its on tsr but it seems a bit short. Hopefully you find my comments constructive. Like I said, I'm unsure what level AQA is so maybe some of my comments are irrelevant. Good luck!

AQA is an exam board!

hi guys my teacher said that this was a C grade piece of work.
can you please read this and mark it out of 15. this is AQA English literature and is on Of Mice and Men. the question was:
How do you think Steinbeck uses the character of Candy in the novel as a whole to convey important ideas about society at that time? (15) (PART B)


Steinbeck uses all of his characters in his novel to symbolise or represent a certain part of society in 1930’s America. It is his representation of what life was like in that era. Although one character stands out from the rest which is Candy or the others from the ranch like to call him “the swamper”.
Steinbeck writes “his dog is his company and his equivalent of a friend” suggests that he is incredibly lonely as his only friend is a dog, an animal. The key word in this quote is “equivalent” because it has two meanings. Steinbeck is telling us that he is treated the same way as the dog. And I could go as far to say that maybe they even both share the same status which is minute or even nothing. He describes the dog’s movements “his ancient dog lifted his head and peered about, and then got painfully back to his feet to follow” this mirrors Candy in almost every way as Candy has been described as a “cripple” in the novel. In my opinion Steinbeck is trying to make us imagine and think about the intense difficulty old people had to face in this harsh, unforgiving society. In addition even though he is old he is expected to work as hard as everyone else if not harder because he knows that soon enough he will get fired as his weak limbs won’t be able to deal with the amount of strenuous physical work he has to do in the ranch.
Furthermore when crook’s sneers at the idea of owning their own place, his answer shows the comfort he gains from his new friends and the end to loneliness, “we gonna do it....me and Lennie and George”. This scene shows us a completely different side of Candy, an intimate side full of hopes and dreams. This reveals that although Candy is facing discrimination over his age and disability he is still able to look beyond the obstacles. Steinbeck is trying to show us that everyone in this society had a dream; although some couldn’t fulfil them previously, they still had them. Steinbeck reinforces this when Curley’s wife insults him he says “We got friends, thats what we got”. Candy shows her his authority or more so his dignity and tells her the importance of friends.
In conclusion Steinbeck uses Candy to highlight the discrimination which was being faced by elderly, “crippled” people who had to work for their entire lifetime. Furthermore America wasn’t a welfare state which was the reason for them working at such a late age. He uses dreams to show how he did have ambitions but his age and the economic downfall (1929 wall street crash) diminished his goals of doing so.
/15
THANKS A LOT! please give a mark out of 15!

Don't worry, I've got a teacher just like this, you wouldn't believe the number of times I've gotten annoyed with her. Overall I still think your work is good, probably B/A. To get a higher grade you should use imbedded quotes and try to give alternative interpretations. That's how people get an A*, you need to look beyond the obvious. Also, try to make it flow more better and always stick to the topic, don't drift off talking about something else. Good luck!

Steinbeck uses all of his characters in his novel to symbolise or represent a certain part of society in 1930’s America. It is his representation of what life was like in that era. Although one character stands out from the rest which is Candy or the others from the ranch like to call him “the swamper”.

Steinbeck writes “his dog is his company and his equivalent of a friend” suggests that he is incredibly lonely as his only friend is a dog, an animal. The key word in this quote is “equivalent” because it has two meanings. Steinbeck is telling us that he is treated the same way as the dog

Perhaps...

'It could be argued that Steinbeck uses all his characters in 'Of Mice and Men' to symbolise and represent life for....in 1930s America. However, as a reader, it is felt that one character in particular stands out from the other ranch members. In this piece I wish to explore how Candy (commonly known as "the swamper") represents the important ideas of society in the period.'

Firstly, it is important to consider Steinbeck writes “his dog is his company and his equivalent of a friend”. The key word in this quote is “equivalent” because it has two meanings. Steinbeck firstly suggests that Candy's only friend is "his dog", an animal, showing that Candy is incredibly lonely. Furthermore, it could be believed that as an "equivalent" Candy has a very low animal-like social standing on ranch.