I recommend you read When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalinithi- very raw and powerful, so worth the read. It's an autobiography of his time as a medical student, neurosurgeon and then as a patient after being diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Gives such a good insight, esp into the pressures, of being a neurosurgeon and about what makes life worth living when you're dying. Will definitely make you think and do some soul-searching. Could also double up as your inspiration to become a neurosurgeon instead of 'just wanting to'.