Medicine struggle- repeating student and failed another exam.

Hi. I will start off by explaining my situation. I am a repeating medical student. I failed my second year exam by 2 marks. I accepted the oppurtunity to repeat the year. Took some tactics and tried to adjust. Things have been very strange with online learning. I have previously been to university before and achieved a good grade in my previous degree. I have never doubted my abilities before and I have never failed before.

This year we did an exam, a combined exam of 2 terms. I worked hard for my exam, I am not going to lie. However my focus was on 2nd year topics. I trusted my experience from my previous second year exams (last year) where the emphasis was on 2nd year topics. I briefly looked at the main concepts of 1st year. I think this is what I struggle the most with this course, anything can crop up. I know I am stupid for not taking as much heed to 1st year material, especially when I am repeating the year, but when the content is so huge.. i thought I should do this strategy.

I sat that exam. I didn't pass. I missed the pass mark by 1 mark. I now have to sit the resit paper. If i fail that, that is it. No more chances. I cannot fail... i know some people may say if you keep failing then you should question your abilities to complete the course. But my spirit to fight is still high. I want it so bad. I am not far off...i never have been. I am just scared. Naturally, this makes me doubt my abilities.

My mother has recently been diagnosed with advanced cancer. I told her and she cried. She says she has suffered a lot and is distraught by my repeated failure. I do not intend to fail..i tried to do my best. It hurts me very much she feels that way and I feel disgusted with my self. I feel like I cannot see any light of the tunnel. I am dissapointed with myself ... my poor choices, my failure, my hurt to my mother. Im beginning to have very low self esteem and this does not help by the comments at home.

Strangely, prior to exam my university had specified the passmark for the exam. If they had stuck to that email I would have passed. After the exam, they decided to increase the boundary. I feel so unlucky. I will be bringing this up with my uni but I know they are very stubborn to show compassion and always deem themselves as right

Please someone offer me advice. I'd really appreciate some positivity right now. I'd appreciate it if people could refrain from saying 'medical school is clearly not for you' because I still am going to sit the resit paper and this is not something I want to hear right now.

Thanks