AQA 2016 English

Original post by z_o_e

Assessment

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That does sound like a great essay to me, especially that first paragraph :yep:

Did you tag to show improvements or do you need help with anything from here? :smile:

Reply 21

OP

Original post by Matrix123

That does sound like a great essay to me, especially that first paragraph :yep:

Did you tag to show improvements or do you need help with anything from here? :smile:

Just did this

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Reply 22

OP

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Reply 23

Original post by z_o_e

x

Great job, I really like this paragraph. If you kept up this standard throughout an assessment and tried to pull out some more perceptive points from the poems, I'd say you'd probably be looked at a solid B (at the least) which is an improvement :smile:

Firstly, remember what I said about the quote sentence needing to make sense.
You wrote:
"For example, when he writes 'I see broad daylight on the other side.'"
If this was a proper sentence, you should be able to take "For example" out of the sentence and it should make sense.
This leaves you with "when he writes 'I see broad daylight on the other side.'"^This does not make sense. With the sentence above, you would need to add an extra section to the sentence.

Spoiler

for using 'adjective' and check the spelling of 'connotes' :wink:

(you wrote 'connotates' :wink:

but great choice of vocab :yep:

I think that sentence would be: The adjective 'broad' connotes speed and extensiveness.

*This portrays disturbing imagery
not
This portrays a disturbing imagery :wink:

"Some may interpret this..." - great sentence! Good use of exploration :yy:

Tip: You could change that to: However, some may interpret this...
^The conjunction 'however' clearly shows you're considering other interpretations.

In the same sentence, you should say: "there is a man alive and the next, nothing." instead of "there is a man the next, nothing."
Good use of the comma at the end there. You just need to add in the extra word so the sentence flows better. An alternative, if you wanted it, is to write: "there is a man, the next, nothing."

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 24

OP

Original post by Matrix123

Great job, I really like this paragraph. If you kept up this standard throughout an assessment and tried to pull out some more perceptive points from the poems, I'd say you'd probably be looked at a solid B (at the least) which is an improvement :smile:

Firstly, remember what I said about the quote sentence needing to make sense.
You wrote:
"For example, when he writes 'I see broad daylight on the other side.'"
If this was a proper sentence, you should be able to take "For example" out of the sentence and it should make sense.
This leaves you with "when he writes 'I see broad daylight on the other side.'"^This does not make sense. With the sentence above, you would need to add an extra section to the sentence.

Spoiler

for using 'adjective' and check the spelling of 'connotes' :wink:

(you wrote 'connotates' :wink:

but great choice of vocab :yep:

I think that sentence would be: The adjective 'broad' connotes speed and extensiveness.

*This portrays disturbing imagery
not
This portrays a disturbing imagery :wink:

"Some may interpret this..." - great sentence! Good use of exploration :yy:

Tip: You could change that to: However, some may interpret this...
^The conjunction 'however' clearly shows you're considering other interpretations.

In the same sentence, you should say: "there is a man alive and the next, nothing." instead of "there is a man the next, nothing."
Good use of the comma at the end there. You just need to add in the extra word so the sentence flows better. An alternative, if you wanted it, is to write: "there is a man, the next, nothing."

Woowowe I'm getting better :smile:

so little improvements haha x

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Reply 25

Original post by z_o_e

Woowowe I'm getting better :smile:

so little improvements haha x

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Indeed, or at least that's my estimation :smile:

Haha well there aren't any large errors. These are just lots of little things you can do :wink:

Reply 26

OP

Original post by Matrix123

Indeed, or at least that's my estimation :smile:

Haha well there aren't any large errors. These are just lots of little things you can do :wink:

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Reply 27

Original post by z_o_e

Wow, thank you so much for quoting me! This has actually made my day; it was a real pleasure to read through your work. :yep:

I found the final paragraph rather average which is good but not amazing, to be brutally honest with you. :redface:

However, I was really impressed with that first page! You had lots of techniques, most of your phrasing was great, the points were quite perceptive and there was a lovely structure to it. Fantastic job! :yy:

Spoiler

Edit: I'm really proud of you for doing that. Keep up the great work because you're making really good progress. :biggrin:

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 28

OP

Original post by Matrix123

Wow, thank you so much for quoting me! This has actually made my day; it was a real pleasure to read through your work. :yep:

I found the final paragraph rather average which is good but not amazing, to be brutally honest with you. :redface:

However, I was really impressed with that first page! You had lots of techniques, most of your phrasing was great, the points were quite perceptive and there was a lovely structure to it. Fantastic job! :yy:

Spoiler

Edit: I'm really proud of you for doing that. Keep up the great work because you're making really good progress. :biggrin:

Will pm you and reply x

Btw this is my second attempt.

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Reply 29

OP

Original post by Matrix123

Wow, thank you so much for quoting me! This has actually made my day; it was a real pleasure to read through your work. :yep:

I found the final paragraph rather average which is good but not amazing, to be brutally honest with you. :redface:

However, I was really impressed with that first page! You had lots of techniques, most of your phrasing was great, the points were quite perceptive and there was a lovely structure to it. Fantastic job! :yy:

Spoiler

Edit: I'm really proud of you for doing that. Keep up the great work because you're making really good progress. :biggrin:

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Reply 30

Original post by z_o_e

Ooh nice! And it's specifically for poetry too so that should be very useful for that particular section of the literature paper. CGP is a great brand. :smile:

Reply 31

OP

Original post by Matrix123

Ooh nice! And it's specifically for poetry too so that should be very useful for that particular section of the literature paper. CGP is a great brand. :smile:

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Reply 32

Original post by z_o_e

Wow, that's great! I really do like the structure of the book too. :yep:

Reply 33

OP

Original post by Matrix123

Wow, that's great! I really do like the structure of the book too. :yep:

I struggled alot today.
I kept rubbing out thinking it was bad I couldn't put it into the right words.

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Reply 34

Original post by z_o_e

I struggled alot today.
I kept rubbing out thinking it was bad I couldn't put it into the right words.

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I see, but this is progress all the same. Was this just a practice exam question in class?
You have a few great points in there. If you continue the standard, I've no doubt the paragraphs will be of a good quality. I think what we need to practice is perfecting them slightly (which the book should help with) and timing. :smile:

Reply 35

OP

Original post by Matrix123

I see, but this is progress all the same. Was this just a practice exam question in class?
You have a few great points in there. If you continue the standard, I've no doubt the paragraphs will be of a good quality. I think what we need to practice is perfecting them slightly (which the book should help with) and timing. :smile:

Like i take an hour for one paragraph. It's so hard :frown:

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Reply 36

OP

Original post by Matrix123

I see, but this is progress all the same. Was this just a practice exam question in class?
You have a few great points in there. If you continue the standard, I've no doubt the paragraphs will be of a good quality. I think what we need to practice is perfecting them slightly (which the book should help with) and timing. :smile: