Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

English

AWA00047

can u tell if it's good? Can u please fix up my punctuation, grammar and sentence structure. Thanks

Reply 1

AWA00047

Statement of intention Screenshot_2020-04-13-12-20-17-564_com.microsoft.office.word.jpg

Reply 2

absolutelysprout

Original post by AWA00047

i'd change 'the issue has gotten a lot of attention on the news lately' to 'the issue has recently gained a lot of traction on the news'
so is this statement of intention meant to outline the key aspects of your speech?

What else?

i would say you could go into more detail in some places but as a statement of intention it may be better if it's kept brief.

'this issue is serious as it's not fair to just pay women lower because they are women'- this line comes off as a little informal. perhaps reword the first and second sentence under the heading point of view to something like: women should be paid the same as men- their gender is not a valid reason for the difference in pay.

under the heading audience and purpose perhaps you don't want to only give your audience the courage to speak up but also to inform them of the issue of the wage gap and persaude them that there is no good reason for the difference in pay.

overall, it looks pretty good.

Original post by AWA00047

What else?

just to clarify, will you be reading this statement of intention aloud??