Please mark my gcse english language paper 2 question 5!!!
05
‘Holidays don’t need to be faraway and expensive. They just need to give people a break from everyday life and the chance to relax.’
Write an article for a magazine in which you argue your point of view on this statement.
[40 marks]
The anticipation of a holiday begins as soon as the confirmation email lands in your inbox. A childlike glee, which could consume even the surliest of teenagers or the grumpiest of fathers, comes over you. Dreams of swaying palm trees, cobalt blue waves lapping against golden sands, the soft lull of laughs and chatter and the shimmer of magic that a holiday can bring, seem to consume your every waking moment. You feel nothing but excitement and exhilaration. You think this holiday can fix everything.
But a few days into your long-awaited holiday, the façade of the perfect Caribbean getaway seems to slip away. It turns out that the cheapest flights on the market were not Fates way of cajoling you to book the trip of a lifetime, but a curse that began with the long trek to the back of the plane, to seats barely 20cm wide and ended with the worst customer service you have ever received. The too-good-to-be-true hotel was just that; a subpar buffet breakfast, a pitiful sofa bed and an out-of-use pool. But worst of all, you realise that even after flying 2000 miles, your children still haven’t stopped arguing, the chasm between you and your husband is as wide as ever, and a family walk still seems like hell on earth.
Popular culture deems a holiday to be an exotic escape from the toils of the everyday, where worries melt away and you can live a new life – if only for a week. You arrive back home with an avalanche of photos and knickknacks, wearing a tell-tale tan like a badge of honour, carrying a new carefree perspective of life. But holidays – long holidays to countries far removed from your own – cannot solve all your problems – and they come with a colossal amount of problems.
Did you know that the average British household pays the exorbitant fee of £4000 per year on their annual holiday? From the prices of flights to hotels, restaurants, tourist attractions, transport, the list goes on, holidays are seriously expensive stuff – and the price keeps rising and as the worth of the British pound falls lower, the costs of international products keep rising. Not to mention that, due to the increase in globalisation and globalisation, you could experience the same things that you would on holiday for a fraction of the price!
But price is not the only issue. Aviation contributes for 5% of the global carbon dioxide emissions, a figure that is rising by the second. Planes directly contribute to global warming, which is causing glacier ice caps to melt, sea levels to rise, increased storms and droughts and so much more. Why do we, as a society, feel like we must put our own short-term selfish gains above that of society and the future generations? And for what, for a week in a new place that can supposedly sever us from the mundane everyday, and return us a new person?
From the price to the CO2 emissions, holidays are not worth the hassle. Holidays do not have to be expensive, nor do they have to provide an idyllic, heavenly atmosphere. They can be as small as a night away camping to connect with your family, or a road trip with friends. Holidays are not the place to go, rather the people you go with and the connections you make. Holidays cannot mend or fix but they can relieve the hardship of the everyday. They can provide something to look forward to. But they do not need to conform to societies picture perfect getaway. They can simply be you, the people you love… and some seriously good food.
And, yes, while flying abroad can be a way for you to open your eyes, to explore new cultures in every corner of the globe, where you can create new memories and meet new friends. But holidays cannot shape relationships with your family or magically remove all your problems. Only you can do that – and you can do it right from the UK.
Any feedback or corrections are welcomed!
‘Holidays don’t need to be faraway and expensive. They just need to give people a break from everyday life and the chance to relax.’
Write an article for a magazine in which you argue your point of view on this statement.
[40 marks]
The anticipation of a holiday begins as soon as the confirmation email lands in your inbox. A childlike glee, which could consume even the surliest of teenagers or the grumpiest of fathers, comes over you. Dreams of swaying palm trees, cobalt blue waves lapping against golden sands, the soft lull of laughs and chatter and the shimmer of magic that a holiday can bring, seem to consume your every waking moment. You feel nothing but excitement and exhilaration. You think this holiday can fix everything.
But a few days into your long-awaited holiday, the façade of the perfect Caribbean getaway seems to slip away. It turns out that the cheapest flights on the market were not Fates way of cajoling you to book the trip of a lifetime, but a curse that began with the long trek to the back of the plane, to seats barely 20cm wide and ended with the worst customer service you have ever received. The too-good-to-be-true hotel was just that; a subpar buffet breakfast, a pitiful sofa bed and an out-of-use pool. But worst of all, you realise that even after flying 2000 miles, your children still haven’t stopped arguing, the chasm between you and your husband is as wide as ever, and a family walk still seems like hell on earth.
Popular culture deems a holiday to be an exotic escape from the toils of the everyday, where worries melt away and you can live a new life – if only for a week. You arrive back home with an avalanche of photos and knickknacks, wearing a tell-tale tan like a badge of honour, carrying a new carefree perspective of life. But holidays – long holidays to countries far removed from your own – cannot solve all your problems – and they come with a colossal amount of problems.
Did you know that the average British household pays the exorbitant fee of £4000 per year on their annual holiday? From the prices of flights to hotels, restaurants, tourist attractions, transport, the list goes on, holidays are seriously expensive stuff – and the price keeps rising and as the worth of the British pound falls lower, the costs of international products keep rising. Not to mention that, due to the increase in globalisation and globalisation, you could experience the same things that you would on holiday for a fraction of the price!
But price is not the only issue. Aviation contributes for 5% of the global carbon dioxide emissions, a figure that is rising by the second. Planes directly contribute to global warming, which is causing glacier ice caps to melt, sea levels to rise, increased storms and droughts and so much more. Why do we, as a society, feel like we must put our own short-term selfish gains above that of society and the future generations? And for what, for a week in a new place that can supposedly sever us from the mundane everyday, and return us a new person?
From the price to the CO2 emissions, holidays are not worth the hassle. Holidays do not have to be expensive, nor do they have to provide an idyllic, heavenly atmosphere. They can be as small as a night away camping to connect with your family, or a road trip with friends. Holidays are not the place to go, rather the people you go with and the connections you make. Holidays cannot mend or fix but they can relieve the hardship of the everyday. They can provide something to look forward to. But they do not need to conform to societies picture perfect getaway. They can simply be you, the people you love… and some seriously good food.
And, yes, while flying abroad can be a way for you to open your eyes, to explore new cultures in every corner of the globe, where you can create new memories and meet new friends. But holidays cannot shape relationships with your family or magically remove all your problems. Only you can do that – and you can do it right from the UK.
Any feedback or corrections are welcomed!
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by ssafiyah
05
‘Holidays don’t need to be faraway and expensive. They just need to give people a break from everyday life and the chance to relax.’
Write an article for a magazine in which you argue your point of view on this statement.
[40 marks]
The anticipation of a holiday begins as soon as the confirmation email lands in your inbox. A childlike glee, which could consume even the surliest of teenagers or the grumpiest of fathers, comes over you. Dreams of swaying palm trees, cobalt blue waves lapping against golden sands, the soft lull of laughs and chatter and the shimmer of magic that a holiday can bring, seem to consume your every waking moment. You feel nothing but excitement and exhilaration. You think this holiday can fix everything.
But a few days into your long-awaited holiday, the façade of the perfect Caribbean getaway seems to slip away. It turns out that the cheapest flights on the market were not Fates way of cajoling you to book the trip of a lifetime, but a curse that began with the long trek to the back of the plane, to seats barely 20cm wide and ended with the worst customer service you have ever received. The too-good-to-be-true hotel was just that; a subpar buffet breakfast, a pitiful sofa bed and an out-of-use pool. But worst of all, you realise that even after flying 2000 miles, your children still haven’t stopped arguing, the chasm between you and your husband is as wide as ever, and a family walk still seems like hell on earth.
Popular culture deems a holiday to be an exotic escape from the toils of the everyday, where worries melt away and you can live a new life – if only for a week. You arrive back home with an avalanche of photos and knickknacks, wearing a tell-tale tan like a badge of honour, carrying a new carefree perspective of life. But holidays – long holidays to countries far removed from your own – cannot solve all your problems – and they come with a colossal amount of problems.
Did you know that the average British household pays the exorbitant fee of £4000 per year on their annual holiday? From the prices of flights to hotels, restaurants, tourist attractions, transport, the list goes on, holidays are seriously expensive stuff – and the price keeps rising and as the worth of the British pound falls lower, the costs of international products keep rising. Not to mention that, due to the increase in globalisation and globalisation, you could experience the same things that you would on holiday for a fraction of the price!
But price is not the only issue. Aviation contributes for 5% of the global carbon dioxide emissions, a figure that is rising by the second. Planes directly contribute to global warming, which is causing glacier ice caps to melt, sea levels to rise, increased storms and droughts and so much more. Why do we, as a society, feel like we must put our own short-term selfish gains above that of society and the future generations? And for what, for a week in a new place that can supposedly sever us from the mundane everyday, and return us a new person?
From the price to the CO2 emissions, holidays are not worth the hassle. Holidays do not have to be expensive, nor do they have to provide an idyllic, heavenly atmosphere. They can be as small as a night away camping to connect with your family, or a road trip with friends. Holidays are not the place to go, rather the people you go with and the connections you make. Holidays cannot mend or fix but they can relieve the hardship of the everyday. They can provide something to look forward to. But they do not need to conform to societies picture perfect getaway. They can simply be you, the people you love… and some seriously good food.
And, yes, while flying abroad can be a way for you to open your eyes, to explore new cultures in every corner of the globe, where you can create new memories and meet new friends. But holidays cannot shape relationships with your family or magically remove all your problems. Only you can do that – and you can do it right from the UK.
Any feedback or corrections are welcomed!
‘Holidays don’t need to be faraway and expensive. They just need to give people a break from everyday life and the chance to relax.’
Write an article for a magazine in which you argue your point of view on this statement.
[40 marks]
The anticipation of a holiday begins as soon as the confirmation email lands in your inbox. A childlike glee, which could consume even the surliest of teenagers or the grumpiest of fathers, comes over you. Dreams of swaying palm trees, cobalt blue waves lapping against golden sands, the soft lull of laughs and chatter and the shimmer of magic that a holiday can bring, seem to consume your every waking moment. You feel nothing but excitement and exhilaration. You think this holiday can fix everything.
But a few days into your long-awaited holiday, the façade of the perfect Caribbean getaway seems to slip away. It turns out that the cheapest flights on the market were not Fates way of cajoling you to book the trip of a lifetime, but a curse that began with the long trek to the back of the plane, to seats barely 20cm wide and ended with the worst customer service you have ever received. The too-good-to-be-true hotel was just that; a subpar buffet breakfast, a pitiful sofa bed and an out-of-use pool. But worst of all, you realise that even after flying 2000 miles, your children still haven’t stopped arguing, the chasm between you and your husband is as wide as ever, and a family walk still seems like hell on earth.
Popular culture deems a holiday to be an exotic escape from the toils of the everyday, where worries melt away and you can live a new life – if only for a week. You arrive back home with an avalanche of photos and knickknacks, wearing a tell-tale tan like a badge of honour, carrying a new carefree perspective of life. But holidays – long holidays to countries far removed from your own – cannot solve all your problems – and they come with a colossal amount of problems.
Did you know that the average British household pays the exorbitant fee of £4000 per year on their annual holiday? From the prices of flights to hotels, restaurants, tourist attractions, transport, the list goes on, holidays are seriously expensive stuff – and the price keeps rising and as the worth of the British pound falls lower, the costs of international products keep rising. Not to mention that, due to the increase in globalisation and globalisation, you could experience the same things that you would on holiday for a fraction of the price!
But price is not the only issue. Aviation contributes for 5% of the global carbon dioxide emissions, a figure that is rising by the second. Planes directly contribute to global warming, which is causing glacier ice caps to melt, sea levels to rise, increased storms and droughts and so much more. Why do we, as a society, feel like we must put our own short-term selfish gains above that of society and the future generations? And for what, for a week in a new place that can supposedly sever us from the mundane everyday, and return us a new person?
From the price to the CO2 emissions, holidays are not worth the hassle. Holidays do not have to be expensive, nor do they have to provide an idyllic, heavenly atmosphere. They can be as small as a night away camping to connect with your family, or a road trip with friends. Holidays are not the place to go, rather the people you go with and the connections you make. Holidays cannot mend or fix but they can relieve the hardship of the everyday. They can provide something to look forward to. But they do not need to conform to societies picture perfect getaway. They can simply be you, the people you love… and some seriously good food.
And, yes, while flying abroad can be a way for you to open your eyes, to explore new cultures in every corner of the globe, where you can create new memories and meet new friends. But holidays cannot shape relationships with your family or magically remove all your problems. Only you can do that – and you can do it right from the UK.
Any feedback or corrections are welcomed!
this is really good but as per the mark scheme article should have a title otherwise you won’t be hitting the the mark scheme
Original post by ssafiyah
05
‘Holidays don’t need to be faraway and expensive. They just need to give people a break from everyday life and the chance to relax.’
Write an article for a magazine in which you argue your point of view on this statement.
[40 marks]
The anticipation of a holiday begins as soon as the confirmation email lands in your inbox. A childlike glee, which could consume even the surliest of teenagers or the grumpiest of fathers, comes over you. Dreams of swaying palm trees, cobalt blue waves lapping against golden sands, the soft lull of laughs and chatter and the shimmer of magic that a holiday can bring, seem to consume your every waking moment. You feel nothing but excitement and exhilaration. You think this holiday can fix everything.
But a few days into your long-awaited holiday, the façade of the perfect Caribbean getaway seems to slip away. It turns out that the cheapest flights on the market were not Fates way of cajoling you to book the trip of a lifetime, but a curse that began with the long trek to the back of the plane, to seats barely 20cm wide and ended with the worst customer service you have ever received. The too-good-to-be-true hotel was just that; a subpar buffet breakfast, a pitiful sofa bed and an out-of-use pool. But worst of all, you realise that even after flying 2000 miles, your children still haven’t stopped arguing, the chasm between you and your husband is as wide as ever, and a family walk still seems like hell on earth.
Popular culture deems a holiday to be an exotic escape from the toils of the everyday, where worries melt away and you can live a new life – if only for a week. You arrive back home with an avalanche of photos and knickknacks, wearing a tell-tale tan like a badge of honour, carrying a new carefree perspective of life. But holidays – long holidays to countries far removed from your own – cannot solve all your problems – and they come with a colossal amount of problems.
Did you know that the average British household pays the exorbitant fee of £4000 per year on their annual holiday? From the prices of flights to hotels, restaurants, tourist attractions, transport, the list goes on, holidays are seriously expensive stuff – and the price keeps rising and as the worth of the British pound falls lower, the costs of international products keep rising. Not to mention that, due to the increase in globalisation and globalisation, you could experience the same things that you would on holiday for a fraction of the price!
But price is not the only issue. Aviation contributes for 5% of the global carbon dioxide emissions, a figure that is rising by the second. Planes directly contribute to global warming, which is causing glacier ice caps to melt, sea levels to rise, increased storms and droughts and so much more. Why do we, as a society, feel like we must put our own short-term selfish gains above that of society and the future generations? And for what, for a week in a new place that can supposedly sever us from the mundane everyday, and return us a new person?
From the price to the CO2 emissions, holidays are not worth the hassle. Holidays do not have to be expensive, nor do they have to provide an idyllic, heavenly atmosphere. They can be as small as a night away camping to connect with your family, or a road trip with friends. Holidays are not the place to go, rather the people you go with and the connections you make. Holidays cannot mend or fix but they can relieve the hardship of the everyday. They can provide something to look forward to. But they do not need to conform to societies picture perfect getaway. They can simply be you, the people you love… and some seriously good food.
And, yes, while flying abroad can be a way for you to open your eyes, to explore new cultures in every corner of the globe, where you can create new memories and meet new friends. But holidays cannot shape relationships with your family or magically remove all your problems. Only you can do that – and you can do it right from the UK.
Any feedback or corrections are welcomed!
‘Holidays don’t need to be faraway and expensive. They just need to give people a break from everyday life and the chance to relax.’
Write an article for a magazine in which you argue your point of view on this statement.
[40 marks]
The anticipation of a holiday begins as soon as the confirmation email lands in your inbox. A childlike glee, which could consume even the surliest of teenagers or the grumpiest of fathers, comes over you. Dreams of swaying palm trees, cobalt blue waves lapping against golden sands, the soft lull of laughs and chatter and the shimmer of magic that a holiday can bring, seem to consume your every waking moment. You feel nothing but excitement and exhilaration. You think this holiday can fix everything.
But a few days into your long-awaited holiday, the façade of the perfect Caribbean getaway seems to slip away. It turns out that the cheapest flights on the market were not Fates way of cajoling you to book the trip of a lifetime, but a curse that began with the long trek to the back of the plane, to seats barely 20cm wide and ended with the worst customer service you have ever received. The too-good-to-be-true hotel was just that; a subpar buffet breakfast, a pitiful sofa bed and an out-of-use pool. But worst of all, you realise that even after flying 2000 miles, your children still haven’t stopped arguing, the chasm between you and your husband is as wide as ever, and a family walk still seems like hell on earth.
Popular culture deems a holiday to be an exotic escape from the toils of the everyday, where worries melt away and you can live a new life – if only for a week. You arrive back home with an avalanche of photos and knickknacks, wearing a tell-tale tan like a badge of honour, carrying a new carefree perspective of life. But holidays – long holidays to countries far removed from your own – cannot solve all your problems – and they come with a colossal amount of problems.
Did you know that the average British household pays the exorbitant fee of £4000 per year on their annual holiday? From the prices of flights to hotels, restaurants, tourist attractions, transport, the list goes on, holidays are seriously expensive stuff – and the price keeps rising and as the worth of the British pound falls lower, the costs of international products keep rising. Not to mention that, due to the increase in globalisation and globalisation, you could experience the same things that you would on holiday for a fraction of the price!
But price is not the only issue. Aviation contributes for 5% of the global carbon dioxide emissions, a figure that is rising by the second. Planes directly contribute to global warming, which is causing glacier ice caps to melt, sea levels to rise, increased storms and droughts and so much more. Why do we, as a society, feel like we must put our own short-term selfish gains above that of society and the future generations? And for what, for a week in a new place that can supposedly sever us from the mundane everyday, and return us a new person?
From the price to the CO2 emissions, holidays are not worth the hassle. Holidays do not have to be expensive, nor do they have to provide an idyllic, heavenly atmosphere. They can be as small as a night away camping to connect with your family, or a road trip with friends. Holidays are not the place to go, rather the people you go with and the connections you make. Holidays cannot mend or fix but they can relieve the hardship of the everyday. They can provide something to look forward to. But they do not need to conform to societies picture perfect getaway. They can simply be you, the people you love… and some seriously good food.
And, yes, while flying abroad can be a way for you to open your eyes, to explore new cultures in every corner of the globe, where you can create new memories and meet new friends. But holidays cannot shape relationships with your family or magically remove all your problems. Only you can do that – and you can do it right from the UK.
Any feedback or corrections are welcomed!
I put this on Tilf and it gave me this:
Mark: 36
Paragraphs Feedback
The introduction effectively sets the scene and engages the reader with vivid imagery and a relatable scenario. The use of descriptive language helps to create a strong emotional connection.
This paragraph continues to build on the initial scenario, providing a realistic and relatable perspective on the potential downsides of a holiday. The use of specific examples adds credibility to the argument.
The third paragraph shifts the focus to the financial and environmental costs of holidays. The use of statistics and factual information strengthens the argument, making it more compelling.
The final paragraph offers a balanced view, suggesting alternative forms of holidays that are less expensive and environmentally friendly. It effectively concludes the argument by emphasizing the importance of relationships over destinations.
What Went Well
The essay is engaging and well-structured, with a clear progression of ideas. The use of vivid imagery, specific examples, and factual information makes the argument compelling. The tone and style are well-matched to the purpose and audience, and the vocabulary is varied and sophisticated.
Even Better If
The essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of counterarguments to strengthen the overall argument. Additionally, integrating more complex sentence structures and a wider range of discourse markers would enhance the coherence and flow of the essay.
Overall Feedback
This is a highly engaging and well-crafted essay that effectively argues the point of view on the statement. The use of vivid imagery, specific examples, and factual information makes the argument compelling. The tone and style are well-matched to the purpose and audience, and the vocabulary is varied and sophisticated. To achieve a higher mark, consider addressing counterarguments and integrating more complex sentence structures and discourse markers.
Can you tell us how much did you end up getting? Since this thread was posted a few months back. I'm curious if Tilf was accurate or not.
Original post by Tramar
I put this on Tilf and it gave me this:
Mark: 36
Paragraphs Feedback
The introduction effectively sets the scene and engages the reader with vivid imagery and a relatable scenario. The use of descriptive language helps to create a strong emotional connection.
This paragraph continues to build on the initial scenario, providing a realistic and relatable perspective on the potential downsides of a holiday. The use of specific examples adds credibility to the argument.
The third paragraph shifts the focus to the financial and environmental costs of holidays. The use of statistics and factual information strengthens the argument, making it more compelling.
The final paragraph offers a balanced view, suggesting alternative forms of holidays that are less expensive and environmentally friendly. It effectively concludes the argument by emphasizing the importance of relationships over destinations.
What Went Well
The essay is engaging and well-structured, with a clear progression of ideas. The use of vivid imagery, specific examples, and factual information makes the argument compelling. The tone and style are well-matched to the purpose and audience, and the vocabulary is varied and sophisticated.
Even Better If
The essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of counterarguments to strengthen the overall argument. Additionally, integrating more complex sentence structures and a wider range of discourse markers would enhance the coherence and flow of the essay.
Overall Feedback
This is a highly engaging and well-crafted essay that effectively argues the point of view on the statement. The use of vivid imagery, specific examples, and factual information makes the argument compelling. The tone and style are well-matched to the purpose and audience, and the vocabulary is varied and sophisticated. To achieve a higher mark, consider addressing counterarguments and integrating more complex sentence structures and discourse markers.
Can you tell us how much did you end up getting? Since this thread was posted a few months back. I'm curious if Tilf was accurate or not.
Mark: 36
Paragraphs Feedback
The introduction effectively sets the scene and engages the reader with vivid imagery and a relatable scenario. The use of descriptive language helps to create a strong emotional connection.
This paragraph continues to build on the initial scenario, providing a realistic and relatable perspective on the potential downsides of a holiday. The use of specific examples adds credibility to the argument.
The third paragraph shifts the focus to the financial and environmental costs of holidays. The use of statistics and factual information strengthens the argument, making it more compelling.
The final paragraph offers a balanced view, suggesting alternative forms of holidays that are less expensive and environmentally friendly. It effectively concludes the argument by emphasizing the importance of relationships over destinations.
What Went Well
The essay is engaging and well-structured, with a clear progression of ideas. The use of vivid imagery, specific examples, and factual information makes the argument compelling. The tone and style are well-matched to the purpose and audience, and the vocabulary is varied and sophisticated.
Even Better If
The essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of counterarguments to strengthen the overall argument. Additionally, integrating more complex sentence structures and a wider range of discourse markers would enhance the coherence and flow of the essay.
Overall Feedback
This is a highly engaging and well-crafted essay that effectively argues the point of view on the statement. The use of vivid imagery, specific examples, and factual information makes the argument compelling. The tone and style are well-matched to the purpose and audience, and the vocabulary is varied and sophisticated. To achieve a higher mark, consider addressing counterarguments and integrating more complex sentence structures and discourse markers.
Can you tell us how much did you end up getting? Since this thread was posted a few months back. I'm curious if Tilf was accurate or not.
Omg it's so cool how you got this marked!! Is Tilf an app or website? I never handed this piece in - I just did it for practise, but in my real GCSES I got 37/40 in this question. I can send you that response if you want x
excellent and well written.
I left secondary education in 2011. I do not think I’d have the imagination to ever answer these sort of GCSE questions ever again
I left secondary education in 2011. I do not think I’d have the imagination to ever answer these sort of GCSE questions ever again
Original post by ssafiyah
Omg it's so cool how you got this marked!! Is Tilf an app or website? I never handed this piece in - I just did it for practise, but in my real GCSES I got 37/40 in this question. I can send you that response if you want x
Oh nice! Tilf is a website, you can just google it : tilf.io! I discovered it through Mr Salles for English but I'm now also using it for history Edexcel and RE OCR. My history teacher said it's extremelly accurate and the feedback was super helpful because my teacher takes weeks to correct while you can have it instant with Tilf.
Mr Salles review here if you're curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8f3WOrge50. Even he said it's more accurate than examiners. Teachers are also using it themselves coz it marks better than them! You can see the teacher feedback here: https://uk.trustpilot.com/reviews/66db757760ddb46513d811f5.
Personally I can't live without it anymore. It's ashame they are not good with Biology long questions, anything that requires a graph their website doesn't work well. I would love to use it for that too.
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