Is it normal for a coming of age woman to completely overhaul her image like this?

I've wondered whether it's a normal phenomenon for a young women to completely overhaul her image when she reaches a certain age or meets a certain guy she likes, then goes back to her original appearance after settling down? I ask this because when I was in college 6 years ago, there was a female student in my class who was very quiet, shy and reserved. I was 18 at the time and she was 17. There were 20 students in my class and I was one of only four guys. Most of the girls in that class were very good looking party animals who often wore hair extensions, heavy makeup and trendy outfits, but this girl was a more conservative one who wore her hair in pigtails, had teeth braces and preferred to spend the weekends visiting National Trust gardens and going to church.

I initially overlooked her for much of my first year (something I regret deeply), but in the second year of my course I started to find out that we had much more in common than first thought and struck up a friendship. As we socialised more, I noticed that her inner beauty and confidence was starting to stand out more from the other girls and I started to develop feelings towards her. Even so, those feelings were initially more platonic than sexual.

Things started to change after the Christmas break when I overheard a conversation with her and her friend that she fancied a "fit guy" from church. I started to worry that her unique, innocent image would be destroyed, but I convinced myself that she wouldn't be likely to lose her virginity anytime soon since she was a religious person. As the spring term progressed however, I noticed that her outer beauty was starting to come out too since she started wearing fitted jeans, crop tops and straightening her chestnut brown hair. Within a matter of months, she became the most beautiful girl in the class. Put it this way, she went from a 5/10 to a 10/10 in literally six months - If this girl was a business and I invested £100 in her upon first meeting, my shares would quite literally have soared into six figures.

Then after Easter, she told me that she went clubbing and got drunk for the first time with some friends from work - Not something I expected a religious person to do. Soon it became clear that all this coming out of her shell coincided with the fact that she was officially seeing someone from her work, quite a good looking and confident guy in fact. Knowing they would get into a relationship, I was heartbroken. This girl was quite literally a unique catch and now I had lost it quicker than a fish in the ocean. I had to spend the last three months of my course "mourning" for a relationship I knew I'd never have, and worst of all, finding out that she had lost her virginity to this guy (obviously way before marriage!)

For an entire week, I felt devastated. I had to receive in-depth counselling at my college to come to terms with what had happened. Weirdly though, about a week later, I began to feel really confident in myself. I don't know whether that was because I had processed a challenging situation (they always say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger) or just because I was nearing the end of my course, but I did go on to have the best summer ever and an amazing fresher's week at university that September.

Me and her kept in touch throughout university as friends, having processed the situation and remaining on good terms. We don't talk so much now seeing as we both lead completely different lives, but still like each other's social media posts. She is now a mother to a (nearly) one-year old baby, a prospect which would have shocked me five years ago, but I am much older and wiser now and I always knew that she would make an amazing mother with her natural caring instinct. Her looks might have faded back to how they were before coming of age, but I am glad that she is settled and happy with starting a family because that's what matters more at the end of the day. It was definitely for the best that we didn't get together with our conflicting priorities in life, as I could never see myself having children for a good decade yet at least.

So basically, is it normal for young women to go through this kind of situation, and was my response to it at the time over the top? Bear in mind that this was five years ago and I have bettered myself a lot since then.

Yeh

Universities Forum Helper

I doubt I could recall this much info about someone I met last week, much less 6 years ago.

Yes. Your behaviour and thought process was OTT even for someone you developed a crush on. I’m glad you’ve reflected in it since then.