Im 18 and my parents still hit me

joanna.r

1

My parents are Hispanic and they still hit me/ discipline me. Is that normal? Is it just me ?

Reply 1

Fadinga

7

Maybe its culture dependent, but in my opinion, no I don't think its normal. It really depends on the situation though.

Reply 2

londonmyst

19

No, it is not normal or legal for parents to behave like violent criminals towards their children.
Adult or underaged children.
I have a very violent mother.

Unfortunately some parents are vicious thugs or have a habit of opting themselves out of the rules that civilised society aim to always follow.
Sometimes habitual violence against young relatives is a long family tradition that can be connected with religion or ancient tribal customs.
Sometimes it's just thuggery disguised as parental disclipline and has become widespread in some groups/countries/regions.
But usually it's a brutal sadistic personality attempting to make life miserable for someone perceived as unable to defend themselves or escape the violence.

Reply 3

lalexm

16

Original post by joanna.r

My parents are Hispanic and they still hit me/ discipline me. Is that normal? Is it just me ?

It’s neither normal or acceptable to hit a child of any age, let alone an 18 year old. I’m a parent of 2 older teenagers. Hitting someone is not instilling discipline and good behaviour at all. It’s normally when parents lose control themselves, and all its teaching is that it is fine to hit someone when you want to get your way.

Start off by telling them that it is completely unacceptable behaviour and needs to stop immediately.

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

its not rlly normal but i dont see much u could do. i doubt they would listen to u if they already disrespect u enough to hit u, and generally this bad "tradition" ends after puberty (from what ive heard) so ye at 18 i dont think its common even among families that dont see an issue with hitting children but i doubt its just u. i dont want to be rude but why do they hit u?

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous #1

its not rlly normal but i dont see much u could do. i doubt they would listen to u if they already disrespect u enough to hit u, and generally this bad "tradition" ends after puberty (from what ive heard) so ye at 18 i dont think its common even among families that dont see an issue with hitting children but i doubt its just u. i dont want to be rude but why do they hit u?

Well my parents know I’m lesbian for awhile and they use to not hit me much until they found out and it like anything triggers them. For instant if i forget to call my baby brother school if he is sick she gets upset and it triggers something in her. Or if im burnt out from constant after school practice (I attend a music school) where I stay till almost 10pm rehearsing. it triggers her when I’m barely awake and struggling to clean the house and then I have to wake up at 5am to catch the bus and go to school again. And I have to clean the house before I go to school also and sometimes I’m in such a rush I forget to put a spoon or fork away and it angers her. Or when I put makeup on it makes her angry. It angers her that I’m something she dreams I was. A doctor or lawyer but instead I study music. And I mean I don’t really make my sexuality my entire personality it just exist in my body and soul and I had to accept it. I still am human. I love music, I love to read, I love pretty dainty things in life. I just don’t know why she continues like this with me. I feel like I have the most personal control in my mind compared to other people.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous #2

Well my parents know I’m lesbian for awhile and they use to not hit me much until they found out and it like anything triggers them. For instant if i forget to call my baby brother school if he is sick she gets upset and it triggers something in her. Or if im burnt out from constant after school practice (I attend a music school) where I stay till almost 10pm rehearsing. it triggers her when I’m barely awake and struggling to clean the house and then I have to wake up at 5am to catch the bus and go to school again. And I have to clean the house before I go to school also and sometimes I’m in such a rush I forget to put a spoon or fork away and it angers her. Or when I put makeup on it makes her angry. It angers her that I’m something she dreams I was. A doctor or lawyer but instead I study music. And I mean I don’t really make my sexuality my entire personality it just exist in my body and soul and I had to accept it. I still am human. I love music, I love to read, I love pretty dainty things in life. I just don’t know why she continues like this with me. I feel like I have the most personal control in my mind compared to other people.

how exactly long ago did u tell them? how long has this been happening?

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous #1

how exactly long ago did u tell them? how long has this been happening?

They found out when I was 15

Reply 8

rastgele biri

6

Original post by joanna.r

My parents are Hispanic and they still hit me/ discipline me. Is that normal? Is it just me ?

Everyone has different views due to culture so I am no one to comment on that. But it most certainly is normal in many cultures around the world, although there is a fine line between hitting and beating. Beating isn't right and if that's the case then you are at the age to respectfully tell them that they can't harm you physically. Hitting on the other hand which is sometimes a gesture of annoyance by some parents of some cultures, (a pat on the smack or head etc.) is different and you should understand that all parents have their ways which come from their parents and so on, and no one loves their child the way parents can.

Reply 9

lalexm

16

Original post by rastgele biri

Everyone has different views due to culture so I am no one to comment on that. But it most certainly is normal in many cultures around the world, although there is a fine line between hitting and beating. Beating isn't right and if that's the case then you are at the age to respectfully tell them that they can't harm you physically. Hitting on the other hand which is sometimes a gesture of annoyance by some parents of some cultures, (a pat on the smack or head etc.) is different and you should understand that all parents have their ways which come from their parents and so on, and no one loves their child the way parents can.

Is there really a difference between beating and hitting? Can it just be how hard you hit? Who decides which one it is - the person doing the beating/hitting? For me it’s wrong, period, even in those cultures that still might consider it acceptable.

Reply 10

Anonymous #3

As a POC yes it’s normal

Reply 11

lalexm

16

Original post by Anonymous #3

As a POC yes it’s normal

Sadly it might be common in certain groups or cultures, but I would not call it normal or in any way acceptable.

Reply 12

Jakson123

14

It shouldn't be normal or acceptable.

Reply 13

Anonymous #4

Original post by joanna.r

My parents are Hispanic and they still hit me/ discipline me. Is that normal? Is it just me ?

I got hit alot too when i was younger but they stopped it doing it when i was like 16. Sometimes they do it only when i make them angry but theres mostly alot of screaming at eachother. I don't know how often they slap you and for what reason but just know that there are other people similar to your situation so don't feel alone. I have asian parents so maybe its an ethnic thing but i don't think it is a good thing to do.

Reply 14

MissTeee

10

Original post by londonmyst

No, it is not normal or legal for parents to behave like violent criminals towards their children.
Adult or underaged children.
I have a very violent mother.
Unfortunately some parents are vicious thugs or have a habit of opting themselves out of the rules that civilised society aim to always follow.
Sometimes habitual violence against young relatives is a long family tradition that can be connected with religion or ancient tribal customs.
Sometimes it's just thuggery disguised as parental disclipline and has become widespread in some groups/countries/regions.
But usually it's a brutal sadistic personality attempting to make life miserable for someone perceived as unable to defend themselves or escape the violence.

Completely agree.
I was in the same situation. I was 28 when my dad last hit me. I owned my own house and was a teacher. I had grown up with violence at home being my ‘normal’.
It really isn’t normal for parents to assault you and it isn’t legal.
I recognise that both my parents struggled with trauma and had mental health issues, but it’s never OK. A parent’s job is to protect you.

(edited 3 weeks ago)

Reply 15

Anonymous #5

m a 29 yr old woman and my dad and bro hit me

Reply 16

lalexm

16

Original post by Anonymous

m a 29 yr old woman and my dad and bro hit me

Sorry to be blunt, but that it totally unacceptable, irrespective of cultural/family norms or traditions. You need to tell them to stop, and report them if they don't. It is abuse.

Reply 17

Anonymous #6

Original post by lalexm

Sorry to be blunt, but that it totally unacceptable, irrespective of cultural/family norms or traditions. You need to tell them to stop, and report them if they don't. It is abuse.

It would be great if it was that simple.
Domestic violence is complex and dangerous because it happens behind closed doors. Just because you tell someone not to do it doesn’t make it stop.
The police aren’t always able to help and resources are stretched to breaking point.
I thought it would stop completely when I left home but that wasn’t the case as violent people are often violent when there’s an opportunity, ie no witnesses or immediate consequences. Even visiting was an opportunity. Understanding the Assault Cycle isn’t the same as being able to prevent it.
Domestic Violence also often involves coercive control, which can be hard to prove with a parent.

Reply 18

lalexm

16

Original post by Anonymous

It would be great if it was that simple.
Domestic violence is complex and dangerous because it happens behind closed doors. Just because you tell someone not to do it doesn’t make it stop.
The police aren’t always able to help and resources are stretched to breaking point.
I thought it would stop completely when I left home but that wasn’t the case as violent people are often violent when there’s an opportunity, ie no witnesses or immediate consequences. Even visiting was an opportunity. Understanding the Assault Cycle isn’t the same as being able to prevent it.
Domestic Violence also often involves coercive control, which can be hard to prove with a parent.

Totally agree. I was making the point that it should not be considered acceptable just because it’s perpetuated by a parent, or because it is not traditionally frowned upon in your family or culture.