Marking Paper 1 Question 5 response

Could someone mark my work? The prompt was: Write a short story about God's judgment.

Something wasn’t right. Everything stopped in motion. The streetlights began to flicker aggressively, emitting an intolerable din. Transfixed, a crowd began to accumulate, in search for an answer. The commoners looked around for the big, whimsical reveal, hoping this was all a prank.

But no...

They remained overwhelmed by prodigious bewilderment and apprehension. What caused the Earth’s exultant communities to quiver in fear?

The whistle of the wind carried the repugnant odour of death, forewarning a prophecy that every helpless human, animal, and plant were soon going to face utter destruction. Its continuous howl reverberated within all, feeding on the fear of the innocent. The admonition was short-lived, as the vigorous storm wasted no time; it bellowed with ferocity, causing a myriad of raindrops to pelt down, spitting unto its defenceless subjects below. Rolling in like boulders, the merciless monsoon flooded the iniquitous town, belligerently destroying everything with towering waves. Pure undiluted terror wrapped around the convulsing bodies of God’s creation; He was insatiable for blood

Dusk quickly permeated the sky with murk, engulfing any remnant of sunlight it could devour. Soon, darkness shrouded the Earth. The feeble strands of grass that once danced with innocence soon regretted the gift of life. The prideful, nonchalant personalities that roamed the streets exuding confidence had now begged for the cessation of their plight.

None could mitigate this cataclysmic attack, for this was the Judgement of God.