just need to vent pls don't reply

the exam stress is seriously getting to me at this point

i've always done really well academically without having to try too hard, so i've only really in 6th form actually learned how to study

i'm a few days away from my next english lit paper and i keep reading the examiner reports and freaking out because i feel like i keep doing everything that they're saying is wrong, my teachers give me high marks but i'm scared that they just mark me high because they think that's what i should be getting, and in actuality i'm writing some absolutely **** stuff and i won't know it until i get my results back having absolutely ****ed it all up

and i just panic when i get into the exam so i end up writing much worse than i normally do
like on my psychology paper 1 i absolutely ****ed it up and ran out of time, and i'm so scared it's going to happen again for my paper 3 on monday (paper 2 went really well but paper 3 is much more similar to paper 1 imo)

i just get so stressed whenever i sit down to study, i feel sick and like there's a mental block in front of me and my chest feels tight (i also have adhd and the executive dysfunction is seriously kicking my ass atm)

i've also completely screwed my sleep schedule (3am to 1pm, when i need to be up for school by 7am) which is annoying as ****

i haven't seen my friends or hung out with anybody really over the half term because i live in a shithole village with no buses over a mile away from anywhere, no cycle paths, etc.

the only job i can get is working in a little pub full of racist, homophobic, transphobic, etc. assbags, and even then that's only maybe one shift every two weeks

what i really need is to get out and go to university, i've applied to a city university to do a course i really love (sociology, it's the only subject that i don't get such massive anxiety about and it's the most interesting imo), but because it's russell group and i'm having all these fears i have no idea if i'm actually going to get in (required grades ABB, i was predicted A*AA but i feel like i'm doing so much worse than that and all my teachers were just biased based on my gcse results, i do really well in class conversations, etc.)

on top of that i have no idea how i'm going to do at uni if i do get in, the structure is so different and idk if i'm going to be able to motivate myself, keep on track, etc. and i just don't understand how a lot of it works, so i worry that i'm going to end up totally lost with no idea how or where to get help to sort it out

i just want the exams over already, i still have to do two more weeks and i hate it so much

anyway i just needed to get it out somewhere where people wouldn't get worried about me or anything, logically i know i'll probably be okay i'm just stressed out of my mind