Friendship breakups :(

So I (18f) am on a gap year at the moment, mostly self-studying at home whilst the vast majority of my close friends are living out at uni. This means that I'm still in my home town whilst my friends are all over the country, so obviously we don't see each other much anymore since we're no longer at school/sixth form together everyday and most of them only come back to our hometown for the holidays every few months. As well as this, I'm no longer on any social media platforms - I strictly use text/WhatsApp to communicate with people now so understandably the frequency with which many of my friends talk to me has reduced. Having said that, whilst I do talk to many of my friends a lot less than before, it's still a reasonable amount and I don't feel as if our friendship is breaking down or that we're drifting apart - we'll send each other random things when something reminds us of the other person, or videocall for a couple hours when we both have the time, or even just send a quick text to let the other person know we're thinking of them and ask them how they're doing, etc.

However, there is one friend of mine who is honestly making almost no effort whatsoever to maintain our friendship, which strikes me as quite odd since (at the risk of sounding like a 5yo), we were literally best friends before. We were friends during GCSEs and got even closer in sixth form, to the point where in Yr13 we had no lessons or frees together yet we would both still make a HUGE effort to see and spend time with each other as much as possible. We were so close that everyone in our friendship circles knew that most Thursday lunches were reserved for us to go out for lunch and spend time solely with each other (which we would jokingly call our 'weekly dates') and a few of my friends even seemed mildly jealous of my friendship with her. We were also quite similar in personalities and had matching tastes/interests and we were both very physically affectionate as well so our friendship was really something special, at least in my eyes. But now everything seems to have changed and I'm not sure what caused it or how to move on. We tried to make plans to see each other a couple times last year but none of them ever worked out so I haven't actually seen her since we left sixth form - but I've seen almost all my other close friends, multiple times. Since then, she has also stopped responding to my messages except for once a month and the last time she messaged me a while ago she made a comment about how her lack of replies was completely her fault and that she wouldn't let our friendship end and asked if we could meet up over Easter to which I of course replied yes, but since then I haven't heard from her once in months, and I've messaged her many times since. Whenever I tried to call her, she never picked up or called me back - not even a text. It just feels so weird because I don't understand what went wrong between us. And if there's nothing wrong, how busy does someone get where they don't have time to text their best friend even once in months? Not even to tell me that she's busy and can't reply properly for a while? She even made a playlist for the two of us last summer which I've been listening to on repeat these last few days because I just miss her so much, but I'm also annoyed with her for just forgetting about me, like our friendship meant nothing to her.

If you read this far, I apologise that this was so long and rambley lol, I think I just needed to vent tbh but if anyone has any tips to get over a best friend breakup, or any words of advice at all really, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks again.

similar situation with me and my old best friend, but i'm the one who hardly responds. like you said, we used to be very close from year 8 to year 11 and moved schools for sixth form. im in year 13 rn and we've met up like 3 times over the past two years and the thing is, its not that i want to ignore but she constantly calls me like every other day and i've explained to her multiple times that i don't have time to call and that its just easier if she texts me instead but she doesnt really get it. i'm sure your friend doesn't have bad intentions but just needs to figure out a suitable time to meet/call

Your situation reminded me of my best friend from school. We were best friends all 11th and 12th grade but once school was over we disappeared for each other. I changed phones at some point and I don't have social media (only the work account). I tried to contact her a few times but she wasn't available. At first I thought she was just ignoring me and doesn't want any contact with me. I was a depressed child needing a friend to rely on and often not seeing other people's needs, despite being a very good friend if I saw a problem or if I knew a person needs help. Looking back on how I was back than I can understand if someone just wanted to leave me to deal with their own adult life. These two years I sort of used her for support, so it was not a really equal friendship... although it started when I helped her with her ED recovery... it was a complicated relationship and she might just want to start a new life without anything reminding her of her past. No one knows....
The one thing I regret is not being strong enough to change an approach a bit and ask her directly if everything is alright with her and if she needed a friend....

Maybe your friend is having a hard time and for some reason doesn't want you to worry, or just because you are too far a part it is hard to ask for support. Ask her directly, or even offer you visit her if it is possible. Maybe she tries to signal you that she cares about your friendship but just can't find a time/powers for it for some reason...

Just wanted to come on here and update because I can't really vent to anyone in real life soo yeah.

My friend's birthday came and went and I did end up texting her but just a quick 'happy birthday girl' late at night and surprise, surprise, she came onto the chat instantly. I then turned my phone off because I didn't want to reply instantly. The next day I read the messages she sent (without actually opening them tho) and they were along the lines of 'Omg I'm so sorry, I love you so much (My Name), I really hope you're doing okay, can we call, it's been so long I feel so bad, I'm really shocked you still put up with me' etc etc. However, she didn't respond to a single one of the previous messages I sent her since she last bothered to message me.

I then left her on delivered for a week but posted something random on my story pretty much every day until I saw she saw it because I'm petty lol. After that I did reply but my responses were mostly quite dead e.g. 'i don't have time to call you tbh and besides you never pick up or call me back anyways', 'yeah you should be sorry, it was literally 3 months like damn did i not cross your mind even once in that time' plus this song that has significance to us both (because i always send it to her when i'm annoyed with her lol) but i did also send a couple more chill messages too.

I realise in hindsight that my messages probably come across quite petty/passive-aggressive but at this point I'm not sure if I care. Like I've said it before but I'll say it again: how hard is it to message your so-called 'best friend' ONCE in months when she knows I know there's nothing up with her? I'm literally close with her sister and her close friends as well and I know she's not only been in frequent contact with them but also meeting up with all of them but not me, but she claims to 'love' me! It doesn't make any sense at all. I thought what we had was just as special to her as it was to me but clearly I'm a lot more forgettable than I thought :// At the same time though, I'm scared to upset her because I don't want to lose her for good, but in a sense haven't I already lost her since our relationship hasn't been the same for about a year now? I don't want to burn my bridges too soon but I also don't want to seem super desperate for her attention when she clearly doesn't give much of a 💩 about me.



P.S. It's okay if no one reads this, I just want peace.

I'm sorry you feel that way. Parting like that is not easy, but in the end everyone is different and some paths are meant to separate.
It is also very hard to not be in an equal relationship.
On the other hand she may still want to be your good friend and still be with you but you may require too much energy. I'm sorry, I don't know you both but it might be an option to consider. Some people require a lot of mental energy to be with, I'm like that when I'm down, I drain energy from people around me, especially close ones, not everyone can handle this. I spoke to some fries about it, my ex, who is a good friend of mine now said that too. It is also very hard to admit to a friend they drain too much energy, some even drain more in a distant relationship. It is hard to explain and may be hurtful so the easier way is not responding when you don't have enough energy. She may really want to be your friend but can't handle you right now. Situations like these are hard for both sides.
Sorry if it hurts you, but it might be a reason.

*hugs*
You can PM me if you want.

A wise person once said to me that if you make friends with people at school you tend to keep them as friends out of habit; you wouldn't necessarily be friends with them if you first met as adults.

Maybe she's just matured and decided to go in a new direction and made other friends with other interests, or thinks you may not appreciate or understand or even want to hear about her uni experience whilst you are home. Maybe reach out to her sister and see if there is anything going on in the background?

I suppose that could explain it but our friendship has pretty much always been nothing but good vibes and I've been told by many people that I bring great energy when I'm around, not that I drain them :// And the last time I spoke with this friend everything was fine, we were having a very chill convo about random things like her new nails, sports and Rihanna so I really don't think that's the case.

I think it is more of an issue where she is just 'lazy' or 'careless' with responding to me. So it's confusing, her words make it sound like she still cares and wants to be friends but her actions say otherwise. I do still want her in my life but I don't want to just 'let it slide'. But at the same time, I am still pretty upset with her lack of effort and the fact that this has been such a one-sided relationship for so long that I'm not sure if I do want to make an effort anymore. Idk what to do at all.

*hugs*
So maybe say that to her. Tell her how you feel, tell her that this relationship is important to you but you feel you are loosing it. See how she reacts. Maybe a last effort....

Update: I called her and she actually picked up!! We spoke about the issue mentioned above and I told her how I've been feeling and she assured me that she was just being a bad replier since she only uses Snapchat but she turned her Whatsapp notifications on for me and gave me a custom notification sound as well We then ended up talking for about 3hrs and even made a new playlist whilst on the phone together.

I still don't think our friendship is just magically 'fixed' and back to what it used to be but I'm hopeful that she will put more effort in going forwards and that we can go back to what we were.

To everyone who replied to this thread, thank you. I may have just given up on her and not made that last attempt at calling her if it weren't for you which would have been a massive shame since I would have lost a dear friend to my own insecurities and pettiness.

And to anyone else who is in a similar position and reading this - reach out to that person, just one more time. Call them until they pick up and then actually talk to them. Tell them how you feel in a civil manner and then make up because life is way too short to stay mad at the people you love. Give them another chance and give yourself the peace of mind and happiness you deserve. Trust me.