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english languange gcse

hi can anyone help me and let me know how many marks i would get and improvement as well nd what i could add to get good marks

Silenced echoed through my hallow heart

The superiorly thick smoky clouds rolled in like boulders, as if they were ready to crush everything down that is on their way. No light seemed to remain, as the darkness was engulfing every inch of happiness to fully consume any spec of light. Any last hope was gone... without warning fragile droplets came crashing down creating a bellowing sound of thudding and hissing sound on the window – washing away sins and melancholy from each tarmacked road.

Beside me stood an abandoned house. Abandoned, hollow and undiscovered, i have watched it every day for the last 10 years when it has been forgotten. I watched the relentless storm pummeled and eternity, stripping the loose tiles from the rood, leaving it all bare and vulnerable as the strom was taking ots anger out on the house. Even the cruel fingers and branches of the tree pulled, nipped and lashed the window engulfing its anger. I stood at the entrance gate watching it as i could do nothing and just feel sympathy towards it.

Beyond my crumbling feet, lies a garden, neglected and undervalued.as once used to be a joyful playground and now a graveyard as no one comes and visits me anymore. Its once green and colorful green grass now dilapidated and lost its blazing cooler and pungent aroma due to not being cleaned and left. Its gnarled roots twisted and twisted grabbing me and suffocating abrasively as it's my enemy, as sampling the grass being my friends as i watched them over the season and seasons no longer knowing who they are.

It wasn't always like this...

Kids used to come down rushed after school with their brightfull smiles and playing joyfully. I was always amusing it with passion as their playful energy filled the air as they run, jump and chased eachother down with pure delight in the playground. The sun shining down its on the children making them stand out and casting a warmth glow on their rosy cheeks

The blue sky always stretched above like a blanket, with the brilliant sun beaming down the graveyard. Shafts of sunlight, blazing its heat radiating.

Wishing it could go back in time and enjoy it the last time.