Personal Statement:Medicine 18

Comments

General Comments:

There is very little evidence or explanation for why this person wants to study medicine. They begin by talking about science, then move onto dentistry, give a brief account of some work experience and volunteering then go on to give lots of information about themself, but without really ever linking back to medicine. It needs a lot more insight in the medical career to demonstrate an understanding of what's involved. I felt that the work experience and volunteering paragraphs got totally overshadowed by everything else in the statement. These should really be the bits that stand out and show the writer's enthusiasm for and understanding of medicine.

This statement is 4,486 characters long so needs a good deal of cutting down most of which can be done by taking out irrelevant information and wasted sentences.

Comments on the statement:

From a young age I have always been fascinated by science, and this led me to develop an interest in medicine. This isn't going to stand out. The words 'from a young age' should be avoided at all costs.I enjoy my biology and chemistry lessons and pursuing a career which entails both sciences would broaden my knowledge. Two sentences in, but still not really getting specific to medicine. It's important to be really quick in saying answering 'why medicine'. Otherwise the reader might be asking why they're not applying for a biology/ chemistry/ biochemistry course After much research into different areas of medicine this made me ask questions about the history of dentistry and dental care, and ultimately oral health as a whole. Don't talk about dentistry in the opening if you're applying for medicine! Unless in the rare case of being some with a dentistry degree now looking to gain a medical degree for maxillofacial surgery for example Some questions that came to mind were, how were oral operations carried out and how has oral care developed over the years The writer has mentioned medicine once in this introduction, simply stating they've got an interest in it. Then they've talked about science and dentistry. This doesn't convey a sense of dedication to, and enthusiasm for, medicine.

At the start of lower sixth form, I had an interest in both medicine and dentistry so I felt that work experience in a health clinic would help me in deciding my future career. Here, I got the opportunity to discuss with the GP all aspects of the medical profession. After this, I was fortunate enough to attend the local dental practice for futher work experience and observe carefully what the work of a dentist entails. I also learned a great deal about the demands of the job and formed a realistic opinion about what a career in dentistry is all about Although it's good to be honest about your reasons for doing medicine, by the time it comes to writing your PS it needs to be entirely focused on medicine. It's fine to mention work experience at a dental surgery, but important to talk about it in terms of the skills gained or observations made that are relevant to medicine. The same would apply to mentioning work experience at a veterinary surgery, physiotherapy clinic, nurse shadowing etc.

Towards the end of lower sixth form, I started voluntary work at the local hospital on a weekly basis. I will be continuing to do so until I have completed twelve months. This sentence doesn't add anything. They should instead state that this is an ongoing voluntary position. Otherwise it sounds like they're just trying to tick off 'voluntary work' as one thing required for medicine. My posts of responsibility in the surgical ward include assisting the nurses in their duties where I get to do a lot of 'hands on' work. They're just saying what they do but not reflecting upon it. They need to say what they've learned from doing this. Listing procedures or tasks won't do, they need to say if they've learned anything about the importance of trust, confidentiality, respect for patient's individuality etc. A part of the voluntary work which is very important to me is interacting with the patients as my interpersonal skills improved and I have learned to communicate effectively with a diverse group of people and deal with difficult and sometimes emotional situations. They need to explain how they communicate effectively and deal with the difficult situations. It is a thoroughly enjoyable experience as well as being a beneficial one because working in the medical environment gives me a real insight as to what the patients are feeling and what procedures take place so I am constantly understanding and learning new things. This is a very long sentence and yet still doesn't add anything. They could reflect about what patients are feeling, or why it is important to keep learning new things. Therefore, as well as learning from work experience I feel that by carrying out voluntary work at the hospital I am giving something back to the community They haven't said what it is that they're giving back to the community. Which also makes the use of the word 'therefore' wrong.

I am actively involved in all aspects of school life. Leader sentences like this waste characters. This whole sentence could be taken out without the PS losing any meaning I play badminton on a weekly basis at the school badminton club in order to achieve a balance between work and play. They could say why this is important I have been a representative on the school council, a form captain and a form prefect for a year seven group where I encouraged and supported the other pupils. I was also able to display leadership skills and make diplomatic decisions. Just saying 'I was able' isn't enough. They need to prove that they were able by giving an example of where they used leadership skills I have been a school librarian for three years. I found this rewarding and I also enjoyed the responsibility Needs to be either taken out, or made relevant.

This July, I was a successful applicant I see a lot of cases of people saying 'successful applicant'. When I'm cutting down characters, this kind of thing is the first I take out. Just say 'I did/ I was/ 'I took part in' etc. ! for a community project at school and selected to work with a group of other students to form a peer listening service to be held at a 'drop-in-centre' situated in the school for younger students. Formal training was given by educational psychologists and during this time I acquired many skills such as listening and problem solving. With these skills I can help others in need and also apply them to life in general. These kind of experiences are really good, and if properly reflected on add a lot to a personal statement. Just saying 'I gained skills' is such a waste! Instead they could talk about forming trust, confidentiality, empathy etc. For two years I was a member of the school gospel choir, and this gave me the opportunity to perform at various venues, with other local schools at concerts in other schools as well as my own and centres, the highlight being the chance to perform at a live concert promoting anti-gun crime at Aston Villa Football Ground. Very long sentence. The concert might be a highlight to their life, but it's not really a highlight in terms of why they should get a place on a medicine course. It's important to only pick the most relevant details out in extra-curricular paragraphs. Belonging to the school gospel choir not only gave me the opportunity to put my talent to good use but also further enriched me as an individual and raised my self esteem They need to say what they mean by 'further enriched me as an individual', otherwise it's yet more wasted characters. I would advise them to leave this out.

They should try and keep ECs all in one paragraphIn my spare time I like to play badminton for my own relaxation and attend the local gym to keep fit. Reading is one of my hobbies and I have read many works of classic literature by authors such as Austen, Hardy, Shakespeare and Dickens. Again, irrelevant to medicine. An interest in reading is good, listing classic authors is unnecessary. Poetry has always been a passion of mine and I like to express myself through writing prose, an area in which I have had two pieces published. Ok, so this is likely to be something different from most applicants. Outside school, I am continuing to learn French as I have always had an intense interest in this language. They could say more about this. Lots of people like to say something along the lines of 'appreciating another culture' To keep updated with the latest advances in science I read New Scientist regularly So do 99% of all medical applicants from what I've read. It's good to show an interest, but just saying you read New Scientist or any journals doesn't make you stand out. Gaining something from it and explaining so is what makes it worthwhile mentioning.

I enjoy working on my own iniative and I believe I can also be part of an effective team. They shouldn't say 'I believe' but put in some real evidence of being part of an effective team. This could be through sports, schoolwork, ECs etc.I hope one day to work in a practice where I could use some of my personal qualities to serve the needs of a local community. This is not specific enough to medicine. You could work in a cafe and be using personal qualities to serve the needs of a local community. I feel I am methodical, able to undertake precise tasks and assimilate detailed information quickly. Also, I am diligent, hard-working and determind to succeed. I always think that a conclusion should wrap up everything that's been talked about in the PS in a concise way. The last sentence is alright, using a couple of adjectives to describe your personality and therefore suitability for medicine.