Parent coming to interview at Oxford? Yes or no?

My mum says that if I get an interview, she will come with me to the UK (i am an international applicant) which im ok with because we will probably stay in london for a week after, just for fun.

BUT she is really keen to come to oxford with me, and stay in the university (apparently you can get a room in some colleges like bnb thing) and i really dont want her to do that, because i feel like ill look like an idiot if my mum comes to the university too

She is really excited and if i say anything she becomes super upset and angry at me and I dont know what to do really

Definitely not. The system is not geared up to this. It will be a distraction for you, it will be a distraction for the academics. It may make them think you are not ready for the independence that study in Oxford entails.

There is no reason why your mother does not comes to Oxford for a few days after the interview. Stay in a hotel, see the sights. You will probably not have chance during the interview period.

That's exactly what I thought, and if she does come I won't spend any time with her during interview period at all, because I'll be in the college and all that, so it'll be fine if she is in the city, but just not staying with me maybe? Because she really want to come and visit I think because she doesn't travel often and I don't want to hurt her feelings


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My mum says that if I get an interview, she will come with me to the UK (i am an international applicant) which im ok with because we will probably stay in london for a week after, just for fun.

BUT she is really keen to come to oxford with me, and stay in the university (apparently you can get a room in some colleges like bnb thing) and i really dont want her to do that, because i feel like ill look like an idiot if my mum comes to the university too

She is really excited and if i say anything she becomes super upset and angry at me and I dont know what to do really

That's odd if a parent came with you in the university. I get she would want to stay one London and look around since she hasn't been there but it wouldn't be ideal as other students won't do it and this doesn't really make you look independent.

Do you have an uncle or aunt you can speak with (I assume Dad and Mum are not an item any more) who can speak with your mother. Really these 2/3 days should be entirely about you and not her.

A Senior Tutor of a Cambridge college once told me during a supervision that the one thing they loathed more than anything else was the helicopter parents who now routinely attend college with their children on interview day. Some even tried to come into the interview with their child, whilst others would attempt to collar everyone to 'put the case' about their inevitably extraordinarily gifted child. In fact, the college in question had gone so far as to ban parents from interview day - they were catered for elsewhere.

It's of course fine for your parent to come over with you, particularly as an international student. But for the interview, it should ideally be you and you alone.

Let her come if it means so much for her, you can stay at the college and her at the hotel, that shouldn't be a distraction for you and at the same time she can enjoy the area.

After your interview is done you can stay with her at the hotel and sightsee

Seems like a good plan

I feel
Like I have made my mum out to be crazy she is not (or not always lol) she is just coming to Oxford with me if I do get an interview, I will be at the college alone, and won't meet up during the period I'm there for interviews, so by the end bit of your reply I assume you think that's ok? Because she's just there because I'm an international student and will probs be shopping or something while I'm at the college,,, my friends have just made me really panicky because they all make faces when I say my mum is coming to the city with me


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The MOST important thing to think about here is how much of a distraction will it be having your Mum in Oxford while you are being interviewed. Does she fuss, make you nervous etc? Then make her stay away.

This interview of totally about you, not her being a tourist or 'being involved'. Next year she will have to let go, she cannot come to Uni with you. So now is the time this starts. Make her stay in London that day. You go to Oxford on your own, you get immersed in the interview, the college etc, without having to think about her or anything else. Then when its all over she can come to Oxford and you can show her around.

I've not explained fully I think, she is just coming to the city with me which I would
Enjoy, because we could hang out after and go home together, not actually in the uni, sorry for not explaining, that should be ok right? Especially if she doesn't come with me
To the college?


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I think it's entirely reasonable for your mum to want to come to Oxford with you and for you to allow her to do so. There's a huge difference between that and her trying to elbow her way into the interview room, which she clearly won't be trying to so. So let her enjoy her time in Oxford - she might even buy you something lovely whilst you're being interview, and I should have thought at least that you'd go out for a nice lunch after. So it'll be nice for you both.

That's perfectly fine then.

I think it's okay for her to come along. My mum came with me when I had an interview at Nottingham. As long as she's not there in the waiting room with you then it's perfectly fine for her to be with you.