It's time for one of my usual interpretation points, I was thinking back that even when I started getting heavily depressed (12 years ago now) I still coped to the point I could still enjoy things like reading, playing video games, even going for a drink at pub I just wasn't pulsing/excited/full of energy when doing so in fact I still wanted my weekly night out and going without it made me feel miserable, or if I was bored as didn't go out of house that day or was skint I may find some pennies and go to 24 hour supermarket.
Now I have plenty of money (well I get ESA and DLA so rather than have £40 a week JSA and pay bills on top I get £142 and no bills to pay) I will be very thrifty only because I have cupboards of food, and freezer of food even though I know going out of the house is good for me the other part of brain is saying I don't need to.
So I am stuck in the middle, also if I do go out think of it like an addiction where someone who has gone cold turkey suddenly is surrounded by what they can't have so goes back to it, not in the sense I am saying addiction in the sense I am saying I am addicted to shopping but that as I put off everything be it shopping, even going for a walk, or even as simple as a night out when I do so I am into the routine when the best thing is having it in small regular does when I don't bottle it up so crave it when I don't have it.
Its why also I eat take outs, I can go days or a week or more without one then buy a big one, then find I am eating take out every day for like a week, till one day I may just not have cash in wallet to get one so I eat home cooking for a few days and think "why was I even craving take aways"
Sorry wanted to get this out there and wanted some feedback on it.