Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Has anyone ever been on the waiting list for CBT on the NHS for anorexia or bulimia? I have a 6 month wait ahead of me and I feel like I am getting worse. I am applying for Medicine this year but day by day I wish I had considered a year out for recovery. I don't know how I will cope at uni. The only way I deal with stress is my eating disorder. And 6 months?! For therapy? Unless I stroll in declaring to be suicidal/BMI 13, then I doubt I will receive treatment any earlier.
I need your advice. I can't carry on like this for yet another year. Sometimes I get very scared about how out of control my purging is. I feel very physically weak and also this is such a crucial years with A Levels, Medical school applications and such.
Is there anything I can do to help myself?
I need your advice. I can't carry on like this for yet another year. Sometimes I get very scared about how out of control my purging is. I feel very physically weak and also this is such a crucial years with A Levels, Medical school applications and such.
Is there anything I can do to help myself?
Ok... I've just been strolling through this forum and I've always wanted to post but never had the courage to. Not being an over-confident jerk, but I think I may be able to be of some support to people so i just want to give a little background info.
I've had anorexia nervosa since around 16 years old (i'm now 21) and I've been hospitalised twice because of it - which I am not proud of, but I've accepted that it's what I've needed.
After years of self-hatred, issues with food, self-esteem problems, depression, severe loneliness and anxiety I am really proud to admit that I'm at a stage in my life where I'm at a healthy weight, loving myself and my body and able to eat and enjoy myself without worries and fears and have got my life back on track.
My first hospitalisation was at 18 and it wasn't particularly successful and ended up with me going back into hospital just over one year after. I am not going to say what my BMI was (BMI should not determine an eating disorder - your mental state should!!) but on my 2nd hospitalisation I had liver and kidney failure and was not allowed to move from my bed for 3 days straight. Realising how close to death my eating disorder had made me scared the living **** out of me and since that time I made sure that I would do everything I could to overcome this poop illness!
Recovery has not come without it's issues - it's been 2 years since I first went into hospital and I still have some wobbly moments but with determination I am at a COMPLETELY different mental state. I am actually now studying to become a dietitian because the one I had at hospital helped me so much that she has inspired me and to become a dietitian I need to pass an occupational health test to make sure that I have a healthy mental state so this is a test of just how far I've come.
I just wanted to say that recovery is possible and is worth every freaking tear, struggle, pain, wobble, worry, panic and shear dreadful moments in order to get there. I can't tell you how much happier and bubblier I am now. I've got life and laughter now. The biggest thing I learnt about how to recover to just to simply... STICK WITH IT! PESEVERE!
Keep reminding yourself of why you are fighting... for me it was about getting a career, getting my life back, getting periods back, being social again and wanting to do it for my family.
I don't want to go into too much detail and become a total bore for people on here but I just feel so passionately about this and just want to offer any help and support I can because I've been through it. If anybody wants to message me for anything then please feel free. I am here to support - which to be honest it seems like most people on here are for as well which is lovely to see. I'm not trying to say I know everything and I have the magic cure but I just want people to know that I'm here!
I've had anorexia nervosa since around 16 years old (i'm now 21) and I've been hospitalised twice because of it - which I am not proud of, but I've accepted that it's what I've needed.
After years of self-hatred, issues with food, self-esteem problems, depression, severe loneliness and anxiety I am really proud to admit that I'm at a stage in my life where I'm at a healthy weight, loving myself and my body and able to eat and enjoy myself without worries and fears and have got my life back on track.
My first hospitalisation was at 18 and it wasn't particularly successful and ended up with me going back into hospital just over one year after. I am not going to say what my BMI was (BMI should not determine an eating disorder - your mental state should!!) but on my 2nd hospitalisation I had liver and kidney failure and was not allowed to move from my bed for 3 days straight. Realising how close to death my eating disorder had made me scared the living **** out of me and since that time I made sure that I would do everything I could to overcome this poop illness!
Recovery has not come without it's issues - it's been 2 years since I first went into hospital and I still have some wobbly moments but with determination I am at a COMPLETELY different mental state. I am actually now studying to become a dietitian because the one I had at hospital helped me so much that she has inspired me and to become a dietitian I need to pass an occupational health test to make sure that I have a healthy mental state so this is a test of just how far I've come.
I just wanted to say that recovery is possible and is worth every freaking tear, struggle, pain, wobble, worry, panic and shear dreadful moments in order to get there. I can't tell you how much happier and bubblier I am now. I've got life and laughter now. The biggest thing I learnt about how to recover to just to simply... STICK WITH IT! PESEVERE!
Keep reminding yourself of why you are fighting... for me it was about getting a career, getting my life back, getting periods back, being social again and wanting to do it for my family.
I don't want to go into too much detail and become a total bore for people on here but I just feel so passionately about this and just want to offer any help and support I can because I've been through it. If anybody wants to message me for anything then please feel free. I am here to support - which to be honest it seems like most people on here are for as well which is lovely to see. I'm not trying to say I know everything and I have the magic cure but I just want people to know that I'm here!
Original post by Anonymous
I hate myself so much :'(
Just got a uni rejection and i feel fatter than ever and so alone. I fail at life and I even fail at being thin. My best friend thinks i have a problem but i'm too fat to have an eating disorder .. and i had my first period in 6 months today .. which in my head proves to me im fat :'(
Just got a uni rejection and i feel fatter than ever and so alone. I fail at life and I even fail at being thin. My best friend thinks i have a problem but i'm too fat to have an eating disorder .. and i had my first period in 6 months today .. which in my head proves to me im fat :'(
oooh -huggles- offers/rejections on UCAS mean nothing. A girl in my tutor group here also applied for the same course as me at UCL. I got an interview and an offer. She didnt even get as far as interview, yet she had and achieved better grades than I. I've a friend who applied for medicine, 3 straight rejections, one after interview. she came out with 3 A*s. I got all 5 offers. came out with BBB, and shouldn't really be at my firm choice.
I am... genuinely... blushtastic to receive such battery o' flattery from ladies of such calibre. Thank you dearly, Cinnie and Melissa.
Oh, and I simply HAD to rep you, iamvick. Well bloody done, you, and a resonating, positive message for this fine winter weekend.
Oh, and I simply HAD to rep you, iamvick. Well bloody done, you, and a resonating, positive message for this fine winter weekend.
Original post by Anonymous
Has anyone ever been on the waiting list for CBT on the NHS for anorexia or bulimia? I have a 6 month wait ahead of me and I feel like I am getting worse. I am applying for Medicine this year but day by day I wish I had considered a year out for recovery. I don't know how I will cope at uni. The only way I deal with stress is my eating disorder. And 6 months?! For therapy? Unless I stroll in declaring to be suicidal/BMI 13, then I doubt I will receive treatment any earlier.
I need your advice. I can't carry on like this for yet another year. Sometimes I get very scared about how out of control my purging is. I feel very physically weak and also this is such a crucial years with A Levels, Medical school applications and such.
Is there anything I can do to help myself?
I need your advice. I can't carry on like this for yet another year. Sometimes I get very scared about how out of control my purging is. I feel very physically weak and also this is such a crucial years with A Levels, Medical school applications and such.
Is there anything I can do to help myself?
My advice is to defer a year. There is no way you can reach your potential whilst trying to battle a raging mental illness. I have taken a year out and I don't regret it in the slightest. I have don't have experience with NHS CBT i'm afraid but it makes me so angry when I think about people having to wait 6 months
What is so hard to grasp about the fact that eating disorders are a leading source of mortality in young people? I mean, sufferers are about 50 times more at risk than a healthy person. It disgusts me
But please don't make yourself worse just to get faster treatment. Are there anti anxiety and anti depressant medications you can take in the meantime? xOriginal post by .snowflake.
oooh -huggles- offers/rejections on UCAS mean nothing. A girl in my tutor group here also applied for the same course as me at UCL. I got an interview and an offer. She didnt even get as far as interview, yet she had and achieved better grades than I. I've a friend who applied for medicine, 3 straight rejections, one after interview. she came out with 3 A*s. I got all 5 offers. came out with BBB, and shouldn't really be at my firm choice.
I am just so stressed and I feel so alone. I haven't had a period in 6 months and my hair is falling out, but I don't feel like I can have an eating disorder. I'm too fat. I lost 4 stone in 4 months, but now I am certain I have gained weight and I still wanted to lose weight then. I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel like this thread would be a good place, everyone seems so nice, but I'm too scared to even come of anonymous.
Original post by Cinnie
My advice is to defer a year. There is no way you can reach your potential whilst trying to battle a raging mental illness. I have taken a year out and I don't regret it in the slightest. I have don't have experience with NHS CBT i'm afraid but it makes me so angry when I think about people having to wait 6 months
What is so hard to grasp about the fact that eating disorders are a leading source of mortality in young people? I mean, sufferers are about 50 times more at risk than a healthy person. It disgusts me But please don't make yourself worse just to get faster treatment. Are there anti anxiety and anti depressant medications you can take in the meantime? x
What is so hard to grasp about the fact that eating disorders are a leading source of mortality in young people? I mean, sufferers are about 50 times more at risk than a healthy person. It disgusts me
But please don't make yourself worse just to get faster treatment. Are there anti anxiety and anti depressant medications you can take in the meantime? xThank you so much for the reply
I have considered it but I have already sent off my application, I have an interview at B'ham uni in about a week's time, and I have just done the BMAT for Oxford and UCL (which was the most awful exam ever, I know that I will never get an interview because I'm sure my performance was awful despite months of preparation). My motivation is slowly slipping, even though a few months back I was hell-bent on doing well for myself and getting offers for Medicine.
I haven't been diagnosed with anxiety/depression so I'm not taking meds. Also, on principle I don't want to become reliant on anti-depressants and I want to be able to think clearly.
So even though deferring a year seems like the better option for me I am under huge pressure from my parents. They think I can "get over" my ED if I try hard enough and have had their hopes up for me to do medicine since we came to this country. If I even suggested taking a year out they would flip out. In short living with my parents is a nightmare. They are so controlling.
How did you break it to your parents that you were taking a year out? What is the best way to suggest it to them? I'm scared of how they might react. I'm sure they will tell me things aren't that bad and I'm being over-dramatic. Maybe I am. I don't know.
Gosh sorry about the big long essay I just have very few people I can talk to about this stuff! x
Original post by Anonymous
x
It's ok, you have support here and can PM me if you want. There are only a few options from here. One doesn't bare thinking about, one is holding your hands up and saying "I need help, I cannot cope anymore" and the other is trying to do it all by yourself and having an unstable life of tipping in and out of dangerous coping mechanisms. There is a way out of this mess but it involves support from others
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you so much for the reply
I have considered it but I have already sent off my application, I have an interview at B'ham uni in about a week's time, and I have just done the BMAT for Oxford and UCL (which was the most awful exam ever, I know that I will never get an interview because I'm sure my performance was awful despite months of preparation). My motivation is slowly slipping, even though a few months back I was hell-bent on doing well for myself and getting offers for Medicine.
I haven't been diagnosed with anxiety/depression so I'm not taking meds. Also, on principle I don't want to become reliant on anti-depressants and I want to be able to think clearly.
So even though deferring a year seems like the better option for me I am under huge pressure from my parents. They think I can "get over" my ED if I try hard enough and have had their hopes up for me to do medicine since we came to this country. If I even suggested taking a year out they would flip out. In short living with my parents is a nightmare. They are so controlling.
How did you break it to your parents that you were taking a year out? What is the best way to suggest it to them? I'm scared of how they might react. I'm sure they will tell me things aren't that bad and I'm being over-dramatic. Maybe I am. I don't know.
Gosh sorry about the big long essay I just have very few people I can talk to about this stuff! x
I have considered it but I have already sent off my application, I have an interview at B'ham uni in about a week's time, and I have just done the BMAT for Oxford and UCL (which was the most awful exam ever, I know that I will never get an interview because I'm sure my performance was awful despite months of preparation). My motivation is slowly slipping, even though a few months back I was hell-bent on doing well for myself and getting offers for Medicine.
I haven't been diagnosed with anxiety/depression so I'm not taking meds. Also, on principle I don't want to become reliant on anti-depressants and I want to be able to think clearly.
So even though deferring a year seems like the better option for me I am under huge pressure from my parents. They think I can "get over" my ED if I try hard enough and have had their hopes up for me to do medicine since we came to this country. If I even suggested taking a year out they would flip out. In short living with my parents is a nightmare. They are so controlling.
How did you break it to your parents that you were taking a year out? What is the best way to suggest it to them? I'm scared of how they might react. I'm sure they will tell me things aren't that bad and I'm being over-dramatic. Maybe I am. I don't know.
Gosh sorry about the big long essay I just have very few people I can talk to about this stuff! x
Well if you decide to go to university because of your parents then you must see a GP beforehand and when you go and you really should see the student support team straight away to organise counselling (which is usually pretty good at uni) and someone to help you. I got through my first year pretty well but all because it was enough of a distraction to give me hope I could do it alone and I trickled even further into denial and the illness. I'm pretty sure that with a doctors backing you can change your application to let you defer a year (I someone who did this 1 month before the beginning of term).
With regards to doctors/meds. On principle, we should not be reliant on an eating disorder, but it doesn't work that way. Nothing should come down to pride when it comes to mental illness. But it is your choice
Parents are a tricky issue. People sometimes don't take anything seriously until you are emaciated beyond belief and then they suddenly go ape-**** crazy and at that point you are like "woah, this is my thing - back off". I had no choice but to interrupt my studies and although my Mum can be pretty insensitive, at the end of the day all she wants is for me to be happy and well, so she accepted it.
Original post by Anonymous
I am just so stressed and I feel so alone. I haven't had a period in 6 months and my hair is falling out, but I don't feel like I can have an eating disorder. I'm too fat. I lost 4 stone in 4 months, but now I am certain I have gained weight and I still wanted to lose weight then. I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel like this thread would be a good place, everyone seems so nice, but I'm too scared to even come of anonymous.
-cuddles- you can stay anon on here if you want to, we really do not mind. Is there a teacher at school you could tell? - this is a bit rich coming from me when i need to tell my own tutor about something quite important, yet havent the balls to do it...
Original post by Cinnie
Well if you decide to go to university because of your parents then you must see a GP beforehand and when you go and you really should see the student support team straight away to organise counselling (which is usually pretty good at uni) and someone to help you. I got through my first year pretty well but all because it was enough of a distraction to give me hope I could do it alone and I trickled even further into denial and the illness. I'm pretty sure that with a doctors backing you can change your application to let you defer a year (I someone who did this 1 month before the beginning of term).
With regards to doctors/meds. On principle, we should not be reliant on an eating disorder, but it doesn't work that way. Nothing should come down to pride when it comes to mental illness. But it is your choice
Parents are a tricky issue. People sometimes don't take anything seriously until you are emaciated beyond belief and then they suddenly go ape-**** crazy and at that point you are like "woah, this is my thing - back off". I had no choice but to interrupt my studies and although my Mum can be pretty insensitive, at the end of the day all she wants is for me to be happy and well, so she accepted it.
With regards to doctors/meds. On principle, we should not be reliant on an eating disorder, but it doesn't work that way. Nothing should come down to pride when it comes to mental illness. But it is your choice
Parents are a tricky issue. People sometimes don't take anything seriously until you are emaciated beyond belief and then they suddenly go ape-**** crazy and at that point you are like "woah, this is my thing - back off". I had no choice but to interrupt my studies and although my Mum can be pretty insensitive, at the end of the day all she wants is for me to be happy and well, so she accepted it.
So even though I have applied now, and even if I get offers, it's still possible to defer a year if I decide to? I could easily go to the GP I suppose ... how exactly does the process work? Do I have to contact the uni and request a year out or something, with the GP's permission?
About meds: I know, but I feel like I am giving in to yet another disorder - depression - by taking meds. My psychiatrist said he doesn't think I have depression but, in his words, that's because "I wasn't having difficultly sleeping". I don't know what depression is. I feel extremely low sometimes but I tell myself it's the ED getting me down.
This is the best advice I have received in a long time so thank you, seriously. I will explore the option of deferring a year. If I am sure I will let my school know too, and then hopefully my parents will take me seriously.
Original post by Anonymous
x
Yep, wait for your offers to come in and then if you get an offer, contact the universities to ask if you can defer for medical reasons and if your firm (and insurance if you have one) say yes (don't see why not) then contact UCAS to change the application. Your school should be able to help you if you are having any problems.
Erm, sleep problems are just one of the symptoms of depression - you don't have to meet every single criteria. I always sleep more than usual.
It is quite hard to distinguish what is causing what... but it's all on the spectrum of emotional disorders and all very wound together. It's good you are seeing a psychiatrist though. x
Original post by Anonymous
-cuddles- you can stay anon on here if you want to, we really do not mind. Is there a teacher at school you could tell? - this is a bit rich coming from me when i need to tell my own tutor about something quite important, yet havent the balls to do it...
I think the fact that i came on here means i know i have a problem .. but i dont know what to do about it
I cant tell a teacher .. when this all first started and my friends were still around they told a teacher, and they spoke to me and basically said you talk to this councilor or we call your grandparents .. so i talked to the councilor and he was awful he had no idea what he was on about and seemed to think i could just stop if i wanted .. and ever since i have been a paranoid wreck at school which is really sad because the teacher they told was my favourite, but now i am convinced she is going to try and talk to me again so i cant even look her in the eyes .. and i am so alone .. i am in my 3rd year of sixth form because i failed the first year, like i fail everything, even this, im too fat to have an eating disorder, so how am i ill, i deserve this, so all my friends have left to uni.. I just dont know what to do anymore, i used to have so much control around food i could not eat for days and still excercise and now all of a sudden i have lost control around food .. im eating more and more and it freaks me out. if im left alone with food i lose control, and as a result i have panic attacks around food .. i cried in a supermarket the other day fgs .. and obviously i have to get rid if i eat, so i throw up all the time which is vile and i swear to god my teeth are going to rot away
and i am spending so much money on laxatives how the hell have i gone through a pack of 100 in five days!! I just dont know what to anymore, i have never felt so alone in my life.. and yet i still dont think im ill. im not underweight.
sorry for moaning.. i really appreciate people answering, it genuinely is helping me. it makes me feel ok for once when i see that there are people that understand how i feel.
Original post by Anonymous
So even though I have applied now, and even if I get offers, it's still possible to defer a year if I decide to? I could easily go to the GP I suppose ... how exactly does the process work? Do I have to contact the uni and request a year out or something, with the GP's permission?
About meds: I know, but I feel like I am giving in to yet another disorder - depression - by taking meds. My psychiatrist said he doesn't think I have depression but, in his words, that's because "I wasn't having difficultly sleeping". I don't know what depression is. I feel extremely low sometimes but I tell myself it's the ED getting me down.
This is the best advice I have received in a long time so thank you, seriously. I will explore the option of deferring a year. If I am sure I will let my school know too, and then hopefully my parents will take me seriously.
About meds: I know, but I feel like I am giving in to yet another disorder - depression - by taking meds. My psychiatrist said he doesn't think I have depression but, in his words, that's because "I wasn't having difficultly sleeping". I don't know what depression is. I feel extremely low sometimes but I tell myself it's the ED getting me down.
This is the best advice I have received in a long time so thank you, seriously. I will explore the option of deferring a year. If I am sure I will let my school know too, and then hopefully my parents will take me seriously.
you can apply for deffered entry even as late as results day, and i imagine even later than that, especially as its on medical grounds.
I hear a lot about people sleeping a lot, whereas, I'm lucky if I scrape an hour undisrupted! I usually go to bed about 11/12 - wake up once an hour, then eventually get up at 6. Wish I could sleep better.
I was wondering whether any of you could give me some advice. After a diet going too far, I got down to an unhealthily light weight for my frame. Now, I've been trying to get back on track but have found that I've been binging on a lot of sweet things. This has not put weight on but I do not enjoy the fact that I seem to have no control over it and am scared that it will make me fat eventually. I don't want to put all the weight back on either so I'm just looking for some advice on how much food and stuff I should be eating?
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Cinnie
My Mum just told me that i'm making her ill
How come? Hugs
xxxOriginal post by jft18
How come? Hugs xxx
xxxBecause I get so much social anxiety because of my body dis-morphia I can't apply for a job or even see my family and it is apparently making her ill but there is nothing I can do about it
Original post by Cinnie
Because I get so much social anxiety because of my body dis-morphia I can't apply for a job or even see my family and it is apparently making her ill but there is nothing I can do about it
-cuddles- urgh, all i need to do is wash one bloody pan so i can do dinner. flatmate insists on doing ALL her washing up the exact same time i wanted diner. want for dinner has now disappeared. seeing lab teacher on monday about the stuff i missed. do not want to be asked about what happened because i'll sound insane/ i dont want to talk about it/ if he asks if i have told my tutor yet, i'll sound pathetic if i say 'I can't'.
Original post by ECHF
I was wondering whether any of you could give me some advice. After a diet going too far, I got down to an unhealthily light weight for my frame. Now, I've been trying to get back on track but have found that I've been binging on a lot of sweet things. This has not put weight on but I do not enjoy the fact that I seem to have no control over it and am scared that it will make me fat eventually. I don't want to put all the weight back on either so I'm just looking for some advice on how much food and stuff I should be eating?
Rubberbanding, as I call it, is when you restrict for so long that when your body GETS the sweets and fats and whatnot again, it goes hell-for-leather and CRAVES it desperately. Truth is, you will not get fat, but your body is in this state for a reason.
Google "BMI CALCULATOR". Keep checking it until you see your frame/height for a BMI of between say 19-24. This is what weight you should be.
Now, check "Basal metabolic rate calculator" with those details and that'll tell you EXACTLY how much you SHOULD eat on a daily basis, based on your healthy weight. If you're currently lower than that (and it sounds like you really are), chances are you WILL gain weight, but it will be in a healthy and justified manner, to get you to a healthy body mass/body type.
Weight gain is not a bad thing. Quite the contrary. Just do it in a way that isn't tricking your body! X
