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    I know I'm getting better, I know putting on weight is good, I'm enjoying my life more..I'm not counting calories so much yet..it still is really really difficult to deal with jeans getting tighter. Was wearing skinny jeans today and they felt like they were digging in so much - I really dont want it to set me back
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    Melissa sweetheart, I'm with you. I'm feeling my boxers and jeans cutting me in half and yet my therapist STILL says I need to keep going; mum says "this should be the time to get a new wardrobe!" - but it's never as easy as that, is it?

    Strangest thing is that despite being, at the time of writing, about 8 stone (5'7"), which is actually a very slight dip since last month, my body fat continues to increase (as does my waist and whatnot).

    I know weight gain = good, but mentally I'm still like "can I gain weight but not get any bigger plox?" - unfortunately it seems to be the absolute opposite occurring!!
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Melissa sweetheart, I'm with you. I'm feeling my boxers and jeans cutting me in half and yet my therapist STILL says I need to keep going; mum says "this should be the time to get a new wardrobe!" - but it's never as easy as that, is it?

    Strangest thing is that despite being, at the time of writing, about 8 stone (5'7"), which is actually a very slight dip since last month, my body fat continues to increase (as does my waist and whatnot).

    I know weight gain = good, but mentally I'm still like "can I gain weight but not get any bigger plox?" - unfortunately it seems to be the absolute opposite occurring!!
    I know exactly how you feel. At my last weigh in, I hadn't really gained much at all - but somehow a week on and i've worn these jeans and had this result. It's like I feel my body has got BIGGER without a great weight change. For someone who always looks for logic and scientific details, it's hard to understand..

    I think I know what I want, healthier, better life, freedom..but then I shouldn't feel like this.
    • #143
    #143

    Hey guys,
    I'm struggling right now and I don't know what to do
    Eating is damn near impossible and I just have an urge to exercise all the time. I hate how I look and feel.
    Despite feeling weak, sick, dizzy and having headaches, I've been ignoring this as much as possible and 'working through it'. But tonight my trampolining coach started questioning my wellbeing as I've basically been crap the last few weeks, crashing out of things I can normally land no problem and skipping my goes when I feel dizzy.
    But my question is, should I confide in her? Or anyone? Or just try and tackle this myself.
    She's lovely and I would trust her, plus she's a trainee nurse. But am I over-exaggerating this and would it be seen as attention seeking?
    Many thanks in advance.
    J x
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    Anon, this person sounds like the epitome, the absolute perfect confidant for your disease. Trust me, you have at least the blessing of having a person like that in your life; a LOT of people on here don't have that luxury.

    Grab the opportunity with both hands; getting better isn't just a possibility, it's either that, or a very painful descent into the ground. Trust me. X
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    I can already tell today is going to be an awful day, got woken up by dad screaming at me. He realised he was out of order so is trying to bribe me round with ****ing food (a simple, 'Im sorry' would do the trick) so now my head is telling me I can't eat because it means he wins and I'm about ready to scream at it :argh:
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    (Original post by letsdothetimewarpagain)
    I can already tell today is going to be an awful day, got woken up by dad screaming at me. He realised he was out of order so is trying to bribe me round with ****ing food (a simple, 'Im sorry' would do the trick) so now my head is telling me I can't eat because it means he wins and I'm about ready to scream at it :argh:
    -huggging-.

    I think i'm about to relapse like a *****. even getting up to make a cup of tea is too much effort, and i can't get the last thing my tandem partner said to me out of my head 'you do like sweets, don't you'. i really don't want to go, but we've the meeting with the coordinator tomorrow and i've already missed one session, but i was actually ill.
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    The most powerful thing is that you're AWARE. You KNOW these are the signs you're about to fail and give up.

    Think about when you were oblivious to it all. Now, you know, and these most frustrating times are KNOWING you're about to fail yourself but feel you can't fight it. But you can; hell, an old friend said to me "er, you could probably... DEFINITELY stop gaining now, surely?" - it's painful we take such stupid things to heart, but remember, this is YOUR LIFE, no game, and failing only has one outcome.
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Riku

    Anyone who thinks they know where their life is going is probably wrong. You feel out of control which is understandable... but honestly, the important thing is that you are trying your best at something you enjoy learning about. Education is about learning remember... it's not just cramming for exams and setting up a career that school rammed into you.

    Don't compare yourself to other people, you have lots of great qualities too. You seem really caring and thoughtful. :hugs:
    Thanks Cinnie, this has helped a lot :hugs: I guess it's just living each day for the moment? The plan for this year was the full experience, it hasn't happened yet too much work and isolation, not enough play and connection.

    I wish I could stop worrying about my mum though. I feel guilty for being independent now, like I'm doing it wrong. I'm at a social, it's all cool, I think I could make a friend, then back home, oh wait I'm ill, confidence evaporates Her rapidly worsening depression's really getting to me and making me think I'm doing something wrong-and then she worries about me going to the gym too which is just grrrrr. I've stopped going for the last two weeks-I mean exercise has stopped entirely except for walking to the shops kinda thing-and aargh I felt awful. I wish she'd understand I'm not going to overdo it, and it's just one of a few constructive ways of managing stress I've found. It's not like I'm in there every day for hours at a time. It's really like her telling me I can't go is pretty much her control over everything. She already talked me out of going out for Halloween last night and it's probably she's holding back more the worse she feels, and I know that's how the cycle perpetuates itself. I haven't spoken to the girl for the last week because of constant panic attacks and rage, I didn't want her to see me like that, and maybe she's lost interest.

    I'm twenty next month, why am I still doing everything my mum tells me to do? She can't even stop me, I just let her persuade me out of it and we both end up the worse for it. So it's not even her, it's like what I feel I should automatically do for her as her child, rather than what I want to do as a young man, if that make sense. She has made me scared to grow up in every way because I think she'll hate that loss of power over me-not in a manipulative or dominating way but she needs to let me go. It's silly. I'm going to say No today hopefully. I love her of course, I don't blame her because it's just the way she is, but I want to get out of there and live my own life a little! She has to learn to trust me like I want to trust myself..

    Sorry for so much negativity but I can point this to the source of every problem and perhaps what borught me here, so it's driving me a little mad not to be able to go ahead with it.

    Hope you're OK? And :hugs: to Snow, Timewarp and everyone else struggling x
    • #132
    #132

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    The most powerful thing is that you're AWARE. You KNOW these are the signs you're about to fail and give up.

    Think about when you were oblivious to it all. Now, you know, and these most frustrating times are KNOWING you're about to fail yourself but feel you can't fight it. But you can; hell, an old friend said to me "er, you could probably... DEFINITELY stop gaining now, surely?" - it's painful we take such stupid things to heart, but remember, this is YOUR LIFE, no game, and failing only has one outcome.
    i know i'm aware I'm about to absolutely nosedive into a horrible horrible place, and that its always a comment about what I'm eating that makes me do this. Ok, so a comment about my appearance and that i was stupid and ugly started this all off. The problem is i'm not in a place in my head to fight it, i've spent the past week exhausted, i'm so behind with writing up my lecture notes, i'm doing the bare minimum of german work because i hate the lessons, i've read nowhere near as much of die verwandlung as i would have liked. If I could i'd curl up under my duvet and not come out for the next week, I would, but us chemists don't deserve a reading week.
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    ah poo, ^^ thats me.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    ah poo, ^^ thats me.
    No Go and Do Crazy and Dangerous Experiments out of the Lab Week either?
    If you feel under too much pressure, you can always contact your personal tutor and explain-you don't even have to specify what the issue is, just saying 'health problem' is usually enough for them to understand. :hugs:
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    (Original post by Riku)
    No Go and Do Crazy and Dangerous Experiments out of the Lab Week either?
    If you feel under too much pressure, you can always contact your personal tutor and explain-you don't even have to specify what the issue is, just saying 'health problem' is usually enough for them to understand. :hugs:
    noope. we don't deserve it apparently. Well, probably more of a 'in theory we shouldn't need it/ shouldnt be this far behind with lecture notes/ whoever does our timetable doesnt know that pretty much every lecturer gives us a list of books we should read.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    The most powerful thing is that you're AWARE. You KNOW these are the signs you're about to fail and give up.

    Think about when you were oblivious to it all. Now, you know, and these most frustrating times are KNOWING you're about to fail yourself but feel you can't fight it. But you can; hell, an old friend said to me "er, you could probably... DEFINITELY stop gaining now, surely?" - it's painful we take such stupid things to heart, but remember, this is YOUR LIFE, no game, and failing only has one outcome.
    Toto I just want to say a massive thank you for the difference your words make to everyone. Even if you're replying to someone else I can relate to them and they give me a fresh spark of courage to keep going. You make a big difference to a lot of people you know .
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    Umm

    big health victory guys

    First period () in a year and a half :woo:

    Crazy times :woo:
    This is what it has all been for - it was all worth it :cry:

    (And i'm back home and re-discovering the old me)
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Umm

    big health victory guys

    First period () in a year and a half :woo:

    Crazy times :woo:
    This is what it has all been for - it was all worth it :cry:

    (And i'm back home and re-discovering the old me)
    oh hell yeah you sexy ass mofo. SOMEONE needs to celebrate with a mug of tea/ some choccie/ or failing that, dance like a loon in your jimjams.
    • #96
    #96

    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Umm

    big health victory guys

    First period () in a year and a half :woo:

    Crazy times :woo:
    This is what it has all been for - it was all worth it :cry:

    (And i'm back home and re-discovering the old me)
    I rarely post here any more but I really had to this time to let you know how happy I am for you. :hugs: Well done!
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    ^ That was me. Gosh darn auto-anon! :rant:
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Umm

    big health victory guys

    First period () in a year and a half :woo:

    Crazy times :woo:
    This is what it has all been for - it was all worth it :cry:

    (And i'm back home and re-discovering the old me)
    YAY

    I can't wait til it's me typing this.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    funnily enough, you're not overdoing it on tea/coffee/ energy drinks etc are you. I know for me that makes me feel a bit floaty and a bit out of it. Either that or rediculously anxious. I'm getting the latter at the moment. Would so much rather have floaty!
    No I don't drink any of those things! Still kinda feel zoned out even though it's days later. Yesterday my floatiness broke and I had a complete meltdown/panic attack full crying. Was teary all yesterday and today, ended up crying on the tube like an utter loser.

    The thing is since I started these antidepressants I've struggled to cry at all, so I was totally unnerved by the whole thing! My only conclusion is that this disassociation is my brain protecting itself because otherwise I can't cope. Had to go over how the last week has been in prep for assessment and my hands are shaking. :rolleyes:

    Hope you're doing ok :hugs:
 
 
 
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