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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi guys
    I have read some very touching stories on here and I think its amazing how people have really made great recovery and to all those who are struggling a supporting hand is always there when you need it.

    This is my story. When I was around 14 I became obssessed with how I looked. I thought I was not good enough because I did not look as skinny as models etc. I used to make myself sick, reduce my food intake etc. My weight went from 7 and half to around 6 stone 13. To me that doesn't sound like a lot, but my parents were very worried about me. At the time I was self harming and very depressed and the only thing that eventually got me better was the fact that I could see how upsetting it was for my parents who love me very much.
    Now I no longer live with them, I'm 21 and have just about finished a degree. For a long while I have felt and been ok with food being in a steady loving relationship has helped. But not long ago is started again, my obession with food, the depression and the want to self harm. I don't know what to do. When I started reducing my food intake it impacts on my studies and my ability to do anything, not driving i have to cycle everything and some days I can barely move or I feel like I'm going to collapse of my bike. I don't know why I want to do this. Some of it is to with control, when something doesn't go right I feel I have to control it or punish myself by not eating. I obess about my jawbones and my thighs and every lump and bump! Any advice would be really welcome please.
    As Mackay said, reach out for help - please, please, please ask for help. Fight these thoughts, do not let yourself go down that road again. It is a very steep downhill slope, and the earlier you can catch it the better.

    Can you think of anything that's triggered those thoughts again? Hang on to all those things you said, the impact it has - you can't study effectively, you can't concentrate on anything, you don't have the energy to function, you can't drive (and if you are restricting I would really recommend not driving if possible, for your sake and for other road users). This isn't control, you are not in control. The eating disorder is - if you feel like you have to exercise or restrict, that isn't control.

    Can you try to speak to your parents about this? If you can, try to speak to your GP too. Good luck x

    (Original post by Pathway)
    Okay, basically, hi everyone.
    Right, I just need to write this out because I need someone to help me? Or at least point me in the right direction.
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    Basically, since I was about 10 (potentially younger; I'm 21 now) I've had issues with food, ranging from bingeing to restricting, to flat out not even drinking let alone eating. My weight is technically normal right now, although it has been 17.5 and as high as 28ish. I tend to lose weight fairly rapidly, then something changes and I put on a bit. So I tend to stay around 18-20 BMI wise. Obviously this is technically within healthy ranges and despite telling my old care co (and various other professionals) they don't seem to be doing anything. All they say is I have anorexia (which I don't, because I technically don't fit the weight requirement). They've not offered me anything. I don't know what to do and I'm at my wits end with this as I've had it (whatever it is) for 11 + years!!! I also go through random phases of over-exercising, which given that I have a physical disability, is extremely damaging (as it would be for anyone tbh?). It's not even about being skinny, I just don't want to exist. I feel as though I take up too much space. I've got loads of weird habits, constant body checking (e.g. if I can get my hand around my arm then I'm at x weight), measuring my self, weighing myself multiple times a day, weighing my food, measuring out liquids, only using one bowl, can't eating with a knife or fork, I "dismantle" my food, eat in specific orders, specific number of chews, drinking water makes me panic, etc. I could go on. My hair is falling out, my nails keep breaking and are blue, I'm always dizzy and I pass out fairly frequently.

    I'm currently under CMHT for PTSD, depression and anxiety, but they're not really helping me with that either. I feel so lost. I just want to recover and I don't know how.

    Sorry for the rant. :facepalm: If anyone has any ideas that would be great. Hope you're all doing well. :grouphug:
    Heya. Firstly, remember that although your weight may be in the technically 'normal' range right now, that doesn't mean it isn't being harmed by the cycle of restricting and binging. Even if you don't fit the criteria for AN at the moment, you could still class it as being a 'recovering anorexic'. I am also in the 'healthy' weight range at the moment, having been in treatment for anorexia since last year, but my team still class me as having anorexia.

    Please do keep asking for help from your team. It doesn't sound like they're being very helpful, so is there anyone else you can speak to about this? Do they know the thoughts going on in your head about not wanting to exist anymore and taking up too much space?

    Please be careful with the over-exercising. Like you said, it is extremely damaging and if you're struggling with food intake as well it is putting your heart at risk. I can relate very much to the 'habits' you have, and they can be very difficult to break without support. Can you try to choose one of those behaviours (starting from the 'easiest' one) and try to focus on challenging that behaviour?

    Take care. x

    ----

    As I said above, I am in the 'healthy' range at the moment. I am about 1kg under my target weight, so pretty much there. But I am relapsing hard at the moment. I am not following my meal plan whatsoever. I'm not just cutting corners or missing the odd snack anymore - I am restricting. Back to one or two meals a day. Obsessing over my weight, the numbers, the calories, number of steps each day.

    I put off eating until as late in the day as possible. I stand in front of my cupboards just completely overwhelmed at what I can and can't allow myself to have. I moved to a new flat last week and I can't bear the thought of even having food in my flat. I want it all gone. I did go shopping and I have some food in now, but I am struggling so much with it. I won't let myself have a cup of tea or water because I am terrified of the liquid weight again. I do drink Diet Coke (far too much of it) though. I am exhausted, I have no energy. My heart rate has started dropping back to the 47-50-ish range in the mornings - I know it's not dangerously low, but I had obs taken daily in hospital for 5 months, so I know it is lower than my normal range. Pretty much at my target weight and my heart is already being affected by less than 2 weeks of full on restricting. I stood in Boots yesterday just staring at the 'slimming tablets' because I want to buy them so much. I don't know why. I have never used them before, I know I don't need them. But I am just desperate to get this weight off me, as quickly as possible. I cannot bear it. I want to tear the fat off my body.

    I started seeing the SEDCAS psychologist this week, working on a 'life timeline'. She will not keep working with me if I am not stable enough nutritionally, so that is something to focus on. I need to get myself back on track again. But I am so desperately unhappy with my weight and the numbers.

    Sorry for rambling.
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    hi to all those suffering from an eating disorder and fear that it is controlling your life and that you will never get through it. I just wanted to remind you that you will beat it! I was severely underweight (34kg) due to anorexia ( I still feel very weird saying the term anorexia because I was in compete denial when diagnosed). However now I am now a normal healthy weight about 2 years later. Of course it is something that stays with you forever but it doesn't need to control you forever. I know you may feel not many people understand you and that there is no way out. I get that. I felt that way for a long time but trust me you all sound like amazing young people who have the whole world ahead of them. Don't let your eating disorder define you. I know it's going to be a hard process but at the end it is truly worth it! If anyone needs someone to talk to please just PM me good luck!
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    (Original post by Liv1204)
    Heya. Firstly, remember that although your weight may be in the technically 'normal' range right now, that doesn't mean it isn't being harmed by the cycle of restricting and binging. Even if you don't fit the criteria for AN at the moment, you could still class it as being a 'recovering anorexic'. I am also in the 'healthy' weight range at the moment, having been in treatment for anorexia since last year, but my team still class me as having anorexia.

    Please do keep asking for help from your team. It doesn't sound like they're being very helpful, so is there anyone else you can speak to about this? Do they know the thoughts going on in your head about not wanting to exist anymore and taking up too much space?

    Please be careful with the over-exercising. Like you said, it is extremely damaging and if you're struggling with food intake as well it is putting your heart at risk. I can relate very much to the 'habits' you have, and they can be very difficult to break without support. Can you try to choose one of those behaviours (starting from the 'easiest' one) and try to focus on challenging that behaviour?

    Take care. x

    ----

    As I said above, I am in the 'healthy' range at the moment. I am about 1kg under my target weight, so pretty much there. But I am relapsing hard at the moment. I am not following my meal plan whatsoever. I'm not just cutting corners or missing the odd snack anymore - I am restricting. Back to one or two meals a day. Obsessing over my weight, the numbers, the calories, number of steps each day.

    I put off eating until as late in the day as possible. I stand in front of my cupboards just completely overwhelmed at what I can and can't allow myself to have. I moved to a new flat last week and I can't bear the thought of even having food in my flat. I want it all gone. I did go shopping and I have some food in now, but I am struggling so much with it. I won't let myself have a cup of tea or water because I am terrified of the liquid weight again. I do drink Diet Coke (far too much of it) though. I am exhausted, I have no energy. My heart rate has started dropping back to the 47-50-ish range in the mornings - I know it's not dangerously low, but I had obs taken daily in hospital for 5 months, so I know it is lower than my normal range. Pretty much at my target weight and my heart is already being affected by less than 2 weeks of full on restricting. I stood in Boots yesterday just staring at the 'slimming tablets' because I want to buy them so much. I don't know why. I have never used them before, I know I don't need them. But I am just desperate to get this weight off me, as quickly as possible. I cannot bear it. I want to tear the fat off my body.

    I started seeing the SEDCAS psychologist this week, working on a 'life timeline'. She will not keep working with me if I am not stable enough nutritionally, so that is something to focus on. I need to get myself back on track again. But I am so desperately unhappy with my weight and the numbers.

    Sorry for rambling.
    Thank you! And yeah, I guess so. My best friend also suggested that they may class it as atypical AN? I'm not sure. :dontknow:

    They're pretty useless tbh, I don't know. I'm going home for the summer, which will probably mean I'll get even worse (PTSD stuff). And yeah, they do, I walked into my CMHT pretty dissociated/suicidal and they just turned me away. So they're pretty useless tbh.

    Yeah, I know. I have a physical disability, so I don't do rigorous exercise, it's just excessive walking. But often leads me to dislocate my joints, I'm trying to cut back, but it's really impulsive. My heart is pretty affected, I think? When I wake up it's usually in the 50s (bpm). I am trying with the whole not measuring out what I drink thing, because that gets pretty obsessive (leading me to just not drink/eat), but it's really difficult and I end up panicking anyway. It's circular, haha. I could try with the knife/fork thing, I know it irritates my parents - they don't know about my difficulties (my mum does know about the PTSD and depression though), and if they do they've never said anything to my face about it.

    ------

    Sorry to hear you're struggling so much, do you know what caused you to go back to restricting? Do you think you could reach out to anyone on your team? :hugs:

    I'm the same as you in that sense, I live on caffeine, put off eating til my specific time, I've also never used slimming pills either. Life ruled by numbers. But it's not worth it, really, we know that. You deserve more than that. You lost so much to your ED and you've come so far with recovery. I get that it's hard though. Maybe make a list of all the stuff your ED took from you, and what you've gained in recovery? :hugs: If I can help with anything, PM me? Sorry if this is useless. At the very least, reach out to your team. They're there to support you in your recovery.
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    Is this thread still going?
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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Is this thread still going?
    Haha I was looking for this thread when I made a post about my ED. I'm wondering if it's still up, too :/ what's up? Do you want to talk?
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    (Original post by Save.Me)
    Haha I was looking for this thread when I made a post about my ED. I'm wondering if it's still up, too :/ what's up? Do you want to talk?
    This thread used to be a massive support and was a great community to be a part of. Things are getting bad again and I naturally came here. Was sad to see it seems to have been inactive for a few months.
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    Has anyone here ever lost a friend with an ED? I have recently lost one of my best friends and over the summer I tried recovery for her (on my own), which didn't work. Since I've come back to uni things have been really bad. I'm struggling a lot. CMHT don't seem to think my ED is a problem though, but I want help? I don't want to waste my life on this **** anymore...I feel like I'm letting everyone down. We said we'd recover together, and now she's not here and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to cope.

    I feel so trapped. :cry2:
 
 
 
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