I am relatively 'well' at the moment. But I do not know what is real and what isn't ie. what is a true memory and what is a component of psychosis. Like, the memories I have of going to parallel worlds are made of the same stuff as things I feel fairly sure have really happened. I am feeling very disoriented. I am also suffering a lot from derealisation at the moment - do other people have this? My memory and concentration are extremely poor. Even little things confuse me, like last night I went out with a few friends for a meal and when there was a block of cheese with 'cumberland sausage' written on it, I thought it was cumberland sausage and everyone laughed and I felt really confused. I also thought I had walked into someone's living room the other day and cried, it turned out it was an interior showroom in a shop.
Maybe this is because I've stopped taking my meds, but I don't think so. I need to try and cope without meds. I saw my CPN today and she said she can see gradually breaking down and that it is heartbreaking. I haven't slept for 48 hours now. I've taken to drinking copious amounts of wine in order to cope with my problems everyday. I have the house to myself this weekend and I'm quite scared of being on my own.
Blah. Sorry.