-What do you call a french-man in sandals? Phillipe Flop
-The name Pavlov rings a bell
-Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other: How do you drive this thing?
The other replies: Holy S**t! A talking fish!
- Two men are out hunting, when one accidentally shoot his friend in the leg. He's really panicking, as he thinks that he may be dead, but manages to call the emergency services. He's babbling down the phone, so the lady at the other end tries to get him to calm down. Once shes done this, she says: 'Now, first things first, make sure that he is dead.' She hears a shot from down the phone and the man replies: 'he is now!'
- Protons have mass? I didn't even know that they were catholic. (Fallout 3!)
-Plato and a platypus walk into a bar. The barman looks at them quizzically and plato rolls his eyes and responds: well, she looked much better in the cave!
- chicken & the egg are in bed together. The eggs turns to the chicken and says: That solves that then! (Sandi Totsvig - probably spelt that wrong) via QI
- A man walks into a bar and out of nowhere hears a voice that says 'nice tie!'. Confused, he walks further in and again the voice - 'my, what a good suit', still perplexed, but feeling good he steps upto the barman and hears the voice again - 'Wow! you are handsome!'. He asks the barman what the voice is. 'Oh' replies the barman. 'it's the peanuts, they're complimentary'...
- A man runs over a woman. Whose is at fault?
The man - he shouldn't have been driving in the kitchen!