mentally preparing self for hiv test?
I'm just posting on here because i feel ill with the stress and worry of all of this, and i cannot talk to anyone in person about this. Basically, when i started university 2 years ago, i had what i told my friends that was a drunken one night stand. however the more i remember the incident, the more i realise it wasn't consensual- i was taken advantage of/bullied into having unprotected sex and made to do things i didnt agree to. since then i've struggled with an eating disorder and self harm and im realising i was using these to stop myself from thinking about it. i'm tormented by the prospect that i might have hiv from this incident, its all i ever think about. im trying to get over the eating disorder and have been doing really well but whenever i think about this i go back. i dont think i could cope to find out if i have hiv from this, i honestly think i would kill myself. basically, how do i prepare myself to go for the hiv test? i know i need to find out but im too scared. i think i was trying to pretend it never happened and made jokes about having a "one night stand" with my friends even though the thought of it made me feel absolutely sick.
please don't post any horrible comments because i just feel awful at the moment.
please don't post any horrible comments because i just feel awful at the moment.
Thanks for your reply.. i can't go to the police about this as i genuinely cannot remember any helpful details, ie his face, where it was etc, and then the fact it happened 2 years ago. i'm not even sure what to class this as- it doesn't feel like i can call it rape but it doesn't in reflection seem consensual. i was horrendously drunk and remember getting cold feet and that just being disregarded . urgh it feels like it happened to someone else or a bad dream most of the time.
I'm due to start group therapy for the eating disorder in october, but i don't feel like i can talk about this there. i might try to let the eating disorder service know about this though because its definitely contributed. i know i should get the test because i cant go on like this really, but i dont think i am in a place where i could cope with a bad result at the moment. oh i don;t know, it all just feels like a complete mess.
I'm due to start group therapy for the eating disorder in october, but i don't feel like i can talk about this there. i might try to let the eating disorder service know about this though because its definitely contributed. i know i should get the test because i cant go on like this really, but i dont think i am in a place where i could cope with a bad result at the moment. oh i don;t know, it all just feels like a complete mess.
althought rape have the stigma of having violent unconsent sex, it does not necessary have to be dramatic or so
A sexual relation with anyone who are not able to consent under their rightful mind such as people with learning disability , children and underage teenager , or even drunk partner can be considering as rape even if you have consent prior to sex . It is also rape even if one get cold feet or wanting to back out in the last minute but forcefully couldn't due to threat or other ( this included both emotionally and physically )
Although there's a possibility of getting HIV during sexual intercourse , I would think this is highly unlikely If you do not have unprodective sex regularly with many partner . However. Having said that . it is best to go for a hiv test for reassurance .
With the advance science and medicine now a day , even people with HIV can live a fairly normal life With a much linger life expectancy , So it is not a death sentence as it was anymore .i would suggest doing this in a gum clinic as staffs are more professional . You could request for a fast test which would tell you result within minutes or hours instead of the long anxious wait .
If you are still extremely worry try thinking of it as this way , if you do not got HIV . There's nothing to worry about so there's no point in worrying now . But even if you do got it , ( which I believe the chance are extremely low ) worrying can not change the fact so there's still no point in worrying .
Another thing is it sound like you have some symptom of PTSD and it might be good to seek some advice or help on that if it is begin to affect your daily life badly .
Best of luck
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A sexual relation with anyone who are not able to consent under their rightful mind such as people with learning disability , children and underage teenager , or even drunk partner can be considering as rape even if you have consent prior to sex . It is also rape even if one get cold feet or wanting to back out in the last minute but forcefully couldn't due to threat or other ( this included both emotionally and physically )
Although there's a possibility of getting HIV during sexual intercourse , I would think this is highly unlikely If you do not have unprodective sex regularly with many partner . However. Having said that . it is best to go for a hiv test for reassurance .
With the advance science and medicine now a day , even people with HIV can live a fairly normal life With a much linger life expectancy , So it is not a death sentence as it was anymore .i would suggest doing this in a gum clinic as staffs are more professional . You could request for a fast test which would tell you result within minutes or hours instead of the long anxious wait .
If you are still extremely worry try thinking of it as this way , if you do not got HIV . There's nothing to worry about so there's no point in worrying now . But even if you do got it , ( which I believe the chance are extremely low ) worrying can not change the fact so there's still no point in worrying .
Another thing is it sound like you have some symptom of PTSD and it might be good to seek some advice or help on that if it is begin to affect your daily life badly .
Best of luck
Posted from TSR Mobile
I think it might be an advantage for you to get the test now, as it seems to bother you and is a test whch is fairly easy to do and has no consequences at all in case of it ending negatively. In fact, a HIV test should be the rule after unprotected sex and thus no one will make any comment and it should go quickly and be unproblematic.
You have to consider: As you are bothered all the time, anyway, will taking the test and the result (even if it is a bad one => not so likely) really make you more worry? Won't hinder that idea in your head hinder you the tackle the other more severe problems and take to much energy?
For your fear to harm yourself: I think you can talk to the people taking the test and I don't think, that in case you would get tested posivitely you would just get sent away.
I personally think there are more advantages to get tested than no stay not tested, all time worrying about that and loosing additional energy.
Anyway: Hope you get better!
You have to consider: As you are bothered all the time, anyway, will taking the test and the result (even if it is a bad one => not so likely) really make you more worry? Won't hinder that idea in your head hinder you the tackle the other more severe problems and take to much energy?
For your fear to harm yourself: I think you can talk to the people taking the test and I don't think, that in case you would get tested posivitely you would just get sent away.
I personally think there are more advantages to get tested than no stay not tested, all time worrying about that and loosing additional energy.
Anyway: Hope you get better!
Thankyou both for your posts, I've thought about what you've said a lot these past few days. I've booked in to go for a fast test early next week in a gum clinic like acecoffee advised so I'll at least know. I also have decided to speak to a university counselor when I get back to my university town in these next few weeks as regardless of whether it was "rape" it has actually traumatized me when im being honest with myself/acknowledge it happened...so hopefully that will help. But anyway, thanks...it's weird how some comments over the internet from strangers have made me feel a little less hopeless and a bit more reassured.
