I'm currently an A Level student; I've just finished the first year and done my AS exams. I have only recently decided, despite having enjoyed mathematics more than anything else, that maths was what I wanted to do, but after this fairly short while I am already severely doubting my ability to study the subject at a university level... to give a general idea of what I mean by university maths, I think I've enjoyed sufficient academic successes to be shooting for the higher end universities, having performed reasonably well at a pretty awful state school. But I feel that all my achievement in maths is strongly divorced from any notion of mathematical talent; GCSE is of course too easy to consider as an indication of ability or potential university success and my A* predictions and good AS mock performance are almost undoubtedly the result of hard work over true skill. I was way above my peers throughout this year generally but the majority of them did next-to nothing, and I was out-performed or equalled by some in an arguably more indicative Mathematics Challenge (UKMT)
STEP and, to a lesser extent, AEA are meant to weed out the talent from the veterans of regurgitating formulas and recognizing a style of question that you've seen like two dozen times already, and I feel they firmly strand me in the latter category. I either mess up on the plethoras of required details despite understanding in principle, or, in the majority of cases, just don't understand at all; the supposedly lighter introductions such as the booklet "Advanced Problems in Core Mathematics" by Stephen Siklos seldom make complete sense to me (I should note that I have the sufficient knowledge for the majority of the questions, having pre-emptively established a decent grounding in A2 core) and I have been unable to complete any question correctly. I also had a Bronze in the UKMT Maths Challenge, further indicating that I do not possess capability for the insight and structured approach that a good mathematician requires. I have always performed slightly better at the humanities subjects - I stress slightly, at least where the actual exams are concerned - but they bore me practically to tears, and this seems to leave me with the choice of either pursuing something I on the whole detest for the sake of being able to do it at a very good institution, or pursuing what I enjoy and likely not faring nearly as well. Am I being melodramatic, with true mathematical thinking being equally trainable as A level required skills, or is it worth setting my sights on something more manageable?