Not sure if I'm depresed or not anymore
So I'd say that since I was around 15 I began to feel depressed, I am now 17 and I'm not sure if I still am, especially since I'd say that I've only had medium levels of depression. I've never felt hopeless, never been irrational or overly pessimistic. However, I still think about death a lot. Like, I've never thought about suicide but I always think of dying. I think of it as a good thing, dying for a purpose, for something or someone.
I'm not miserable but I feel a little empty and sad when I have time to think by myself. I think about past events a lot and I feel guilty, regretful but strangely content. I constantly think about how things used to be so much better back then. I sleep for very long periods of time when I can and my sleeping pattern has been very random for the most part, but recently I've made a habit of waking up at around 9am everyday.
On the other side of things I feel very motivated and aspirational. I don't have the spark that I used to have but I definitely feel something that drives me. I also don't think of myself in a negative way. I acknowledge that I'm not what you would call a 'good person', I believe myself to be more of a neutral person. I love doing physical things and physical activity is very satisfying and fulfilling for me. However, that seems to be the only thing that makes me content. If one day I just sat at home that day would be horribly boring. I'm not as anti-social as I was during my worser periods, I enjoy hanging out with friends and family.
I have an inclination towards danger though. I've just felt really bored and I've always wanted a challenge. If I hear a noise in the garden I actually hope that someone is trying to break into my house just for some action. When I get injured or hurt emotionally, I sometimes feel good and have the mentality that going through that and taking it is better than not going through it. I think that going through life without a scratch is too boring and getting bruised and battered but still standing is much more satisfying. I don't know whether that mentality is healthy or not, I don't self harm or anything though.
Any ideas?
I'm not miserable but I feel a little empty and sad when I have time to think by myself. I think about past events a lot and I feel guilty, regretful but strangely content. I constantly think about how things used to be so much better back then. I sleep for very long periods of time when I can and my sleeping pattern has been very random for the most part, but recently I've made a habit of waking up at around 9am everyday.
On the other side of things I feel very motivated and aspirational. I don't have the spark that I used to have but I definitely feel something that drives me. I also don't think of myself in a negative way. I acknowledge that I'm not what you would call a 'good person', I believe myself to be more of a neutral person. I love doing physical things and physical activity is very satisfying and fulfilling for me. However, that seems to be the only thing that makes me content. If one day I just sat at home that day would be horribly boring. I'm not as anti-social as I was during my worser periods, I enjoy hanging out with friends and family.
I have an inclination towards danger though. I've just felt really bored and I've always wanted a challenge. If I hear a noise in the garden I actually hope that someone is trying to break into my house just for some action. When I get injured or hurt emotionally, I sometimes feel good and have the mentality that going through that and taking it is better than not going through it. I think that going through life without a scratch is too boring and getting bruised and battered but still standing is much more satisfying. I don't know whether that mentality is healthy or not, I don't self harm or anything though.
Any ideas?
i dont want to diagnose you but i guess overthinking is your problem. I experience the same thing because i overthink like a worthless piece od **** instead of going out there and doing things. However, if you are able to maintain your sleeping pattern, i guess you do have control over yourself. Depressed people dont have that sense of control over themselves.
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Original post by pagorai
i dont want to diagnose you but i guess overthinking is your problem. I experience the same thing because i overthink like a worthless piece od **** instead of going out there and doing things. However, if you are able to maintain your sleeping pattern, i guess you do have control over yourself. Depressed people dont have that sense of control over themselves.
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Nope, I only think extensively about thr past. Right now I tend to just dismiss things unless it's relevant.
Original post by Protégé
Nope, I only think extensively about thr past. Right now I tend to just dismiss things unless it's relevant.
You dont have depression.
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Original post by pagorai
Alright, thanks for the input.
You're definitely not depressed! you are probably too stagnant! you need to keep your days busy be around people etc. staying in one place all the time creates some sort of imaginary world or simply over think. And if you like action maybe get involved in boxing, kick boxing, dancing etc. you'll find you'll be happier because you'll be directing your energies into something that will take you places
Original post by Pedz
You're definitely not depressed! you are probably too stagnant! you need to keep your days busy be around people etc. staying in one place all the time creates some sort of imaginary world or simply over think. And if you like action maybe get involved in boxing, kick boxing, dancing etc. you'll find you'll be happier because you'll be directing your energies into something that will take you places
Thanks, been feeling better the past few days but I guess I just compare it too much to days when it was really good.
I'm not that stagnant actually, I feel like I'm ascending in the world.
