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University has caused 10+ panic attacks in 4 days and I haven't even started yet watch

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    Hi Everyone! Sorry if this is all jumbled or confusing, I'm honestly so exhausted. For the past few days, since results came out, I've been having incredibly frequent panic attacks (which I've only experienced maybe once or twice before) and I keep crying and hyperventilating. I can't stop thinking about the fact that I'll be moving out, it's constantly on my mind. I can't eat or sleep properly, or take my mind off of it for anything longer than five minutes.

    I applied to King's College London, which asked for AAA, and Royal Holloway, which wanted ABB. I only got ABB, but still got accepted into both. I think I didn't expect King's to ever accept me, so I had got used to the idea of RH (where my sister already goes), freaked out, declined KCL and went through the clearing process to get into RH. I still can't tell what the right choice was, but for KCL I would have been able to stay at home and commute. I was initially worried about how it would be too much pressure and my social life would suffer, but honestly I'm so desperate not to be so anxious right now that I would literally take having no friends over it, which is quite serious because I've been looking forward to actually making friends that understand me.

    I'm really struggling to cope with the reality of packing up my stuff, being taken somewhere far away that I'm utterly unfamiliar with and never even felt that comfortable in when I visited, and being left there. I had a similar experience when I went to camp in year 6 - I was only meant to be there for a week but still felt like a kid being left behind at a supermarket. In another country. I didn't function at all there and three days later I had to leave. I've never even been able to have a sleepover less than a mile from my house without getting homesick. It gets worse when it's dark, especially as I've always been a bit scared of being outside at night and have always felt very alone in the dark. I also tend to worry about mum and dad rattling around in a silent house, and about my cats feeling lonely.

    Once I actually realised I had to move out and be in this new environment with new people, new teaching methods, new way of life, etc I completely flipped, cried like a baby in front of mum and dad and just couldn't stop. Four days later even if I try to distract myself my brain keeps bringing it back up and then I just want to cry and I can't breathe properly, I lose all my appetite and stay awake all night worrying about it, and I struggle to cope with the basic premise of reality and go into this black hole of dark thoughts. My mum got so worried she took me back to school to see some of my old teachers, one of which flat out told me that I shouldn't be feeling this level of anxiety, that I probably wasn't ready and should take a gap year and reapply. This feeling has just made me afraid of everything though, I'm scared to actually go, I'm scared to abandon my course when I don't know if I'll be accepted next year, I'm scared about disappointing my parents, who are obviously aware that I'm anxious but are quite eager for me to go, I'm afraid of going through the process of retaking or reapplying, I'm literally too scared to make any decisions at all about anything. It doesn't help that I usually just let things happen to me, like if I'm on course for something even if I don't want to do it I'll just let it happen, but then I never usually feel as anxious as this, where not even my favorite things distract me or my family can console me.

    None of my friends really understand and are all very confident and excited about leaving home and going to university. My sister-in-law's family also live about 10 minutes away from the university, and are really excited about me going there. One of my favorite teachers has also been looking forward to me going to university for a long time. I know I shouldn't let other people influence me, but there's still so much pressure I find it so hard to ignore.

    This is really getting out of hand for me. I feel so helpless and I know it's down to me, no one can fix this for me but I honestly just don't know what to do. I can't stand this being on my mind all the time, making me cry and upset my mum, bringing on some kind of existential crisis about how there's no where other than my home with my parents, which won't be here forever, where I feel comfortable. The second I go in to my room I think about how I only have a limited time left until I have to pack everything in it up and leave. If I sit on the sofa in the living room I think about how I won't be around my family every day. I had a panic attack on the train because I realised I'll probably have to go clubbing. I'm thinking about calling Mind or talking to my old school advisor.

    To be honest I'm not sure what I hope will come from posting this, maybe some of you have felt the same? I feel very alone, even though my mum and sister are trying everything they can, which is just making me feel guilty too because this must be driving them insane. I just can't take this. I have a month to go until uni starts and I'm already a mess. I don't know what to do.
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    I wish I could give you some advice, but honestly, I don't have any to give. I think I'm in a similar boat. I got into my insurance, which is a million more miles away (not literally) than my firm was, so from that respect, I wasn't expecting to be quite so far away, so that's pretty terrifying, but more than anything, I just don't want to leave sixth form yet. I have a brilliant set of friends (none of whom are going anywhere this year) and amazing teachers. I'm finally comfortable with my family situation (parents divorced and remarried so its been pretty messy). I go to an awesome support group for LGBT people, as I am transgender. And in a months time I am expected to leave it all behind and study a course that might lead to nothing, as it is unaccredited, far away, in an unfamiliar city, having barely passed my A-Levels.
    I'm barely sleeping at night as I can't stop crying. I keep having panic attacks. And my mum thinks now is a great time to test my social skills (I have a form of Autism) by making me attend a doctors appointment alone for the first time in my life.
    Pretty much the only thing that is keeping me sane is the thought of getting to play Hockey and Quidditch.
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    This isn't a normal level of anxiety. It's normal to feel a bit apprehensive about going to university, but it sounds like you have been struggling for a very long time with unusually high levels of anxiety about relatively mundane things.

    It sounds like calling Mind would be a good idea - they will be able to give you some useful advice about anxiety disorders, but it might also be an idea to go and visit your GP and try to seek some form of help through them. If the first GP isn't much good, go back and see another one - some are better than others at this sort of thing.
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    I'm so sorry you're feeling so anxious. Could you ring up the university counsellor or the welfare staff to speak to them about your concerns? I also second speaking to your GP about your anxiety. Good luck!
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    (Original post by AlexCD)
    I wish I could give you some advice, but honestly, I don't have any to give. I think I'm in a similar boat. I got into my insurance, which is a million more miles away (not literally) than my firm was, so from that respect, I wasn't expecting to be quite so far away, so that's pretty terrifying, but more than anything, I just don't want to leave sixth form yet. I have a brilliant set of friends (none of whom are going anywhere this year) and amazing teachers. I'm finally comfortable with my family situation (parents divorced and remarried so its been pretty messy). I go to an awesome support group for LGBT people, as I am transgender. And in a months time I am expected to leave it all behind and study a course that might lead to nothing, as it is unaccredited, far away, in an unfamiliar city, having barely passed my A-Levels.
    I'm barely sleeping at night as I can't stop crying. I keep having panic attacks. And my mum thinks now is a great time to test my social skills (I have a form of Autism) by making me attend a doctors appointment alone for the first time in my life.
    Pretty much the only thing that is keeping me sane is the thought of getting to play Hockey and Quidditch.
    Hi! You sound like you're in a crappy situation too I keep feeling like I'll be okay and then 10 minutes later I'll be crying, not breathing properly, out of my mind with fear etc. I can't sleep either and am obviously panicking a lot too. In my case I don't even have any good friends at home, it's just the unfamiliarity of it all and being in this strange environment that's freaking me out and I feel like I can't cope with it. It's especially bad when it starts to get dark, when I feel like I should be going home. I don't know how to deal with it. I feel really bad for your situation though, it would probably be worse for me if I was leaving behind good friends and support. Perhaps we should message each other while we're moving in so we have someone to panic with?
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    (Original post by Origami Bullets)
    This isn't a normal level of anxiety. It's normal to feel a bit apprehensive about going to university, but it sounds like you have been struggling for a very long time with unusually high levels of anxiety about relatively mundane things.

    It sounds like calling Mind would be a good idea - they will be able to give you some useful advice about anxiety disorders, but it might also be an idea to go and visit your GP and try to seek some form of help through them. If the first GP isn't much good, go back and see another one - some are better than others at this sort of thing.
    That's what I thought :/ people keep telling me it's normal to feel a bit anxious or worried, but I feel like they don't understand just how scared I am. I have felt very anxious about things before - from sleepovers to stupid things like the colour of lights or being out when it's dark. Actually thinking of going to university and having to go out at night to go clubbing or something, or even the fricking early evening, is genuinely terrifying me. I feel like I should just be a hermit and stay inside all the time with books and anime to distract me.

    In all honesty, I would like to get help for this. I'm so desperate for help. However I feel like a diagnosis will affect my future and maybe employers may feel like I can't handle myself. My mum is also very anti-diagnosis, so probably wouldn't support my decision to get help. Possibly the best I could do is get counciling, but I've done that before in year 12 and found it didn't help me at all. :'(
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    (Original post by simbasdragon)
    I'm so sorry you're feeling so anxious. Could you ring up the university counsellor or the welfare staff to speak to them about your concerns? I also second speaking to your GP about your anxiety. Good luck!
    I think getting help at the uni will be a must, otherwise I genuinely feel I could push myself off the edge. Thank you
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    Hi, I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way, but you are not alone!
    I feel exactly the same. Every night when I'm lying in bed I can't bare the thought of moving away from home. My family are the only people I feel truly comfortable around, so the thought of living with all new people is seriously scaring me. I really worry that I won't fit in as everyone I know is so excited to go, but I just dread it.
    I'm seriously hoping that people I'm in halls with are nice
    If you ever want to talk, I'm always here
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    (Original post by Lady Emrys)
    That's what I thought :/ people keep telling me it's normal to feel a bit anxious or worried, but I feel like they don't understand just how scared I am. I have felt very anxious about things before - from sleepovers to stupid things like the colour of lights or being out when it's dark. Actually thinking of going to university and having to go out at night to go clubbing or something, or even the fricking early evening, is genuinely terrifying me. I feel like I should just be a hermit and stay inside all the time with books and anime to distract me.

    In all honesty, I would like to get help for this. I'm so desperate for help. However I feel like a diagnosis will affect my future and maybe employers may feel like I can't handle myself. My mum is also very anti-diagnosis, so probably wouldn't support my decision to get help. Possibly the best I could do is get counciling, but I've done that before in year 12 and found it didn't help me at all. :'(
    That's not normal :nope:

    With regards to employment, employers don't need to know. When it comes to the disability section of the application form, you can just tick 'prefer not to say', and if there's a medical then it's usually done by an external company that won't tell your employer unless you need reasonable adjustments made (that's my experience of graduate employment anyway).

    In any case, full time employment is 3-4 years away. Hopefully, by that point, if you get some help then you'll have remedied most of the anxiety. It's much better to deal with your problems than to bury your head in the sand and hope they go away. Otherwise, it's likely that your anxiety will affect your performance in job interviews (making you less likely to get a job) and it will affect your performance at work (thus affecting promotion opportunities). Much better to get it sorted out now, before you get to that stage.

    Your mum doesn't have to consent to you getting help. You're more than old enough to go and see your GP by yourself, the GP cannot (by law) tell your mum about your visit, so she doesn't need to know unless you want to tell her. When you go to university, it's likely that they will have a free counselling service that is open to students - I know you said you tried it in Y12 and it didn't help, but different counsellors have different approaches, so you may find that it's helpful this time.
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    I literally just typed out a huge reply about my undergraduate experiences but when I read it back I thought it would scare the hell out of you so I've deleted it.

    All I can say is, yeah it's definitely not normal, but you're also not alone.

    Take advantage of university counselling support (I wish I did earlier). Be aware of a huge queue of people feeling the exact same way.

    DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED TO DO ANYTHING IN FRESHERS WEEK. This pressure I'd made up in my head made it worse for me.

    Don't forget your course obligations. I did at times because I was so anxious I forgot I was actually there to study.

    The worst part is the first term. It's new. It's scary. Once you get used to it the anxiety died down a little.*

    By the way it's never been an issue in employment for me. I declare it on occupational health but that's confidential as far as I *aware. *
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way, but you are not alone!
    I feel exactly the same. Every night when I'm lying in bed I can't bare the thought of moving away from home. My family are the only people I feel truly comfortable around, so the thought of living with all new people is seriously scaring me. I really worry that I won't fit in as everyone I know is so excited to go, but I just dread it.
    I'm seriously hoping that people I'm in halls with are nice
    If you ever want to talk, I'm always here
    Oh man, I really relate to you so much. There's a level of just comfort and security I feel at home with my parents that I'm terrified to leave behind. I'm not really the social or clubbing type, so the idea of having to go out of my way to make friends when I'm already in this new environment that makes me feel so uncomfortable and unsettled feels impossible and incredibly terrifying. I'm scared I'll never find those people who will make me happy and my uni will never be a place I feel comfortable. And that feeling just gets worse with each passing day and every time I'm alone or in my room :'( so same here anon, feel absolutely free to message anytime
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    Maybe you could live with your sister-in-law's family?
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    (Original post by Origami Bullets)
    That's not normal :nope:

    With regards to employment, employers don't need to know. When it comes to the disability section of the application form, you can just tick 'prefer not to say', and if there's a medical then it's usually done by an external company that won't tell your employer unless you need reasonable adjustments made (that's my experience of graduate employment anyway).

    In any case, full time employment is 3-4 years away. Hopefully, by that point, if you get some help then you'll have remedied most of the anxiety. It's much better to deal with your problems than to bury your head in the sand and hope they go away. Otherwise, it's likely that your anxiety will affect your performance in job interviews (making you less likely to get a job) and it will affect your performance at work (thus affecting promotion opportunities). Much better to get it sorted out now, before you get to that stage.

    Your mum doesn't have to consent to you getting help. You're more than old enough to go and see your GP by yourself, the GP cannot (by law) tell your mum about your visit, so she doesn't need to know unless you want to tell her. When you go to university, it's likely that they will have a free counselling service that is open to students - I know you said you tried it in Y12 and it didn't help, but different counsellors have different approaches, so you may find that it's helpful this time.
    Really??? I didn't know any of that! I'm admittedly quite dependent on my parents, so I tend to just trust what they say concerning mental health. I thought you had to tell your employers about anything that could affect your job performance, but yeah it would be better for me not to state them or hopefully get help before then. I'll definitely have a look into on-site counselling at my uni or go to my GP, I'm becoming increasingly aware that I should get some professional help if I stand a chance. I've tended to just ignore my problems before now, except for year 12.
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    i'm so sorry you're feeling that way. it's definitely normal to be a bit anxious, especially if you're going to move away, but as everyone else has said - your levels of anxiety are an extreme in this case. i'm a fresher too so i can relate to the nerves but i'm lucky enough to be living at home most of the time. definitely seek out help from a GP or mind as you suggested. don't let it beat you, you can do it. you did the work to get in, you owe it to yourself to try to feel a bit better about your situation. it won't be easy but don't feel like you have to go out clubbing either to fit in - anyone worth being friends with won't judge you for that. i'm a non drinker and i don't particularly like going out on big evenings and there will be plenty of people in that same boat who you can make friends with! i hope everything goes well for you, feel free to message me any time.
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    (Original post by Airfairy)
    I literally just typed out a huge reply about my undergraduate experiences but when I read it back I thought it would scare the hell out of you so I've deleted it.

    All I can say is, yeah it's definitely not normal, but you're also not alone.

    Take advantage of university counselling support (I wish I did earlier). Be aware of a huge queue of people feeling the exact same way.

    DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED TO DO ANYTHING IN FRESHERS WEEK. This pressure I'd made up in my head made it worse for me.

    Don't forget your course obligations. I did at times because I was so anxious I forgot I was actually there to study.

    The worst part is the first term. It's new. It's scary. Once you get used to it the anxiety died down a little.*

    By the way it's never been an issue in employment for me. I declare it on occupational health but that's confidential as far as I *aware. *
    This is actually really helpful :') I'll definitely give my student welfare a chance, but freshers has been one of the things really scaring me. I hate the idea of clubbing, going to the pub, going out at night in general, etc. The idea actually makes me want to be sick. I think studying is the only bit I'm interested in doing too. My sister has suggested I take little steps, like get through the first day, first week, first month, etc, but idk I'm still stuck on first day fears. I really hope I manage to get through it, I don't think I've ever been so scared in my whole life but I'd also feel really disappointed in myself if I didn't go out of fear. I may try to get some professional help at uni away from my parents. Thank you!
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    (Original post by Cali8re)
    Maybe you could live with your sister-in-law's family?
    I'm so tempted, they're very accommodating, but I don't know them very well and wouldn't want to intrude :/
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    (Original post by KatieDay23)
    i'm so sorry you're feeling that way. it's definitely normal to be a bit anxious, especially if you're going to move away, but as everyone else has said - your levels of anxiety are an extreme in this case. i'm a fresher too so i can relate to the nerves but i'm lucky enough to be living at home most of the time. definitely seek out help from a GP or mind as you suggested. don't let it beat you, you can do it. you did the work to get in, you owe it to yourself to try to feel a bit better about your situation. it won't be easy but don't feel like you have to go out clubbing either to fit in - anyone worth being friends with won't judge you for that. i'm a non drinker and i don't particularly like going out on big evenings and there will be plenty of people in that same boat who you can make friends with! i hope everything goes well for you, feel free to message me any time.
    Thank you To be fair, I'm not so far from home that I can't spend weekends there, but it would be quite expensive and one of the things really putting me off is that it's such a rural area, it's freaking me out. I think I'm overthinking it a lot and assuming I already know what the atmosphere will be like, but I can't stop doing it. I had a bit of a breakdown last night (again), I was too scared to call mind or a helpline, but I'm seeing my old school advisor and councsellor tomorrow, and when I pluck up the courage I'll go to a GP. I'm really hoping I find the right people and not become a recluse :/ Thank you again
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    (Original post by AlexCD)
    I wish I could give you some advice, but honestly, I don't have any to give. I think I'm in a similar boat. I got into my insurance, which is a million more miles away (not literally) than my firm was, so from that respect, I wasn't expecting to be quite so far away, so that's pretty terrifying, but more than anything, I just don't want to leave sixth form yet. I have a brilliant set of friends (none of whom are going anywhere this year) and amazing teachers. I'm finally comfortable with my family situation (parents divorced and remarried so its been pretty messy). I go to an awesome support group for LGBT people, as I am transgender. And in a months time I am expected to leave it all behind and study a course that might lead to nothing, as it is unaccredited, far away, in an unfamiliar city, having barely passed my A-Levels.
    I'm barely sleeping at night as I can't stop crying. I keep having panic attacks. And my mum thinks now is a great time to test my social skills (I have a form of Autism) by making me attend a doctors appointment alone for the first time in my life.
    Pretty much the only thing that is keeping me sane is the thought of getting to play Hockey and Quidditch.
    I'm really struggling with panic attacks as well. I've got a lot on my mind. Not only moving away and living in a new place, but panic about my health and about being alone.

    I am getting shortness of breath, tightness in my chest and back and tickly cough occaisionally.

    I'm trying to take my mind off it, but nothing is working. I can't sleep, I don't want to leave the house in case I have a bad panic attack and make a fool of myself in public. This is all alot to deal with, but at least know that you're not the only one who feels like this.
 
 
 
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