Have you ever been sexually molested?
When I was 9 my and my then best friend went over to her friends house. No one was home but her and her older brother. We decided to play hide and seek and he told me to get on his back. When I did he started rubbing my private area. When my best friend and I left we promised to never tell anyone. Now she was 16 when she had her baby and I've never had intercourse before. I definitely think it affected us in different ways. I'm quiet and I don't talk much. I live with my grandparents and recently my grandmother and I got into this big dispute because of the way I act when I am home. They think I have a psychological problem, but I think I just need to talk to someone. I'm down all the time, and I get mad pretty easily, but I cant help it. I want to tell her why I act the way I act so she can stop bugging me to be more active, but I don't know how. It has affected me in more ways then one. I hate when I see a child sitting on a mans lap, like why are they up there. I also hate when fathers kiss their daughters on the lips. I want children someday, but I'm afraid that someone will hurt them the way that I was hurt. I have 7 nieces and nephews under the age of 9 and I don't know what I would do if someone even thought about hurting them. I'm a Christian and we're suppose to forgive and forget and move on with our lives. But how can I do that when I'm hunted by it everyday? I'm 19 years old which means its been 10 years since the incident. Have you ever been sexually molested? How does it affect you today?
You can forgive and forget if you want, but you should tell the police about this. You don't want him hurting any more kids.
Original post by Anonymous
When I was 9 my and my then best friend went over to her friends house. No one was home but her and her older brother. We decided to play hide and seek and he told me to get on his back. When I did he started rubbing my private area. When my best friend and I left we promised to never tell anyone. Now she was 16 when she had her baby and I've never had intercourse before. I definitely think it affected us in different ways. I'm quiet and I don't talk much. I live with my grandparents and recently my grandmother and I got into this big dispute because of the way I act when I am home. They think I have a psychological problem, but I think I just need to talk to someone. I'm down all the time, and I get mad pretty easily, but I cant help it. I want to tell her why I act the way I act so she can stop bugging me to be more active, but I don't know how. It has affected me in more ways then one. I hate when I see a child sitting on a mans lap, like why are they up there. I also hate when fathers kiss their daughters on the lips. I want children someday, but I'm afraid that someone will hurt them the way that I was hurt. I have 7 nieces and nephews under the age of 9 and I don't know what I would do if someone even thought about hurting them. I'm a Christian and we're suppose to forgive and forget and move on with our lives. But how can I do that when I'm hunted by it everyday? I'm 19 years old which means its been 10 years since the incident. Have you ever been sexually molested? How does it affect you today?
Hi. I'm really sorry you went through that and I'm not surprised you're having issues now.
I think it would be a great idea to open up to your grandmother. If you like you could write her a note. That way you can plan everything out and she has some time to process things before talking to you about it.
I would also suggest you get some support. Counselling is a great way to talk things through with somebody. You can access it through college/ uni, ask your doctor about it or use services like sane.org, mind.org or samaritans. Keeping this a secret for so long must have been a huge burden on you and I think it would really help for you to be able to get some of it off your chest.
You might also like to check out some info and advice on mind.org and sane.org. You could start with looking up depression, anxiety and PTSD. That's not to say you have either, but I think they can at least relate to your situation. People can often have features of a condition even if they do not have the condition itself.
If you want you could also talk to your GP about this. They can help you find all sorts of support and will be especially helpful if you have developed some form of mental health problem.
I hope that helps
(edited 6 years ago)
Happened when I was 8 or 9 years old but I forgot about it until I was raped 10 years later during my second year of college. A whole host of borderline personality and bipolar symptoms came rushing in the following months and it screwed with my life. I pretty much failed my A Levels (CDD when I was expected ABB) because of the worst manic episode which was triggered by a break up. Now, 4.5 years later, I'm still picking up the pieces and trying to sort out my life trying to find ways to get back into education because I'm finally ready and well enough.
I coped well with it because I just pushed it back into my mind and didn't allow myself to think about. I became a completely ****ed up [almost] alcoholic when my family found out and didn't show any sympathy, They continued befriending the person who did it and it completely ****ed me over that I started binge drinking. I was molested when I was 8/9, then raped when I was 18, and then anally raped 10 months ago, yet I didn't experience direct trauma with any of those the way I did when my family chose my paedo cousin over me. I've never felt such pain in my life. I don't think I'll ever feel greater pain. Nothing will ever compare to that. I can handle being raped and having my body used and abuse for someone else's pleasure, but my family are meant to love me. Love = protection, or at least that's what those asshats working behind the scenes in my favourite fairy tales taught me. It's been 2 years since they found out and I should be over it, but I still cry about it. Hell, I've been sober for 20 months and yet a couple of weeks ago I started drinking heavily again because the anniversary of them finding out was coming up and I couldn't handle it.
The positive side of all that is that I'm so protective over my niece and nephew now. If I'm at a party or any relative's house with them, they never stay out of my sight. I don't care whose house it is or what cousin they're playing with, unless they're in a group or around a lot of people, I'm going to stay on their tail to make sure no one touches them where they shouldn't be touched. I feel the strongest urge in the world to protect children because no one protected me. For the last 4 years I stopped my life and gave up any future prospects, full time job interviews, education opportunities, etc. to continue working part time while I cared for my niece and nephew part time. No one protected me when I needed it the most so now I have the strangest saviour complex to help them and pretty much any underdog I come across.
What you need to remember, OP, is that it's only been 10 years since you had your experiences. You've still got 60-70 years to go. You've got literally an entire lifetime of experiences waiting to happen - both good and bad. Nothing will compare to what you went through as a child which is a good thing because you can use that as your strength. You've had some of the worst experiences a person could have. Use that to your advantage, develop a growth mindset, enable yourself to become a survivor. Only you can tell yourself what to think so learn to process your thoughts with optimism because everything that happened was in the past. Only your memories will haunt you, but if you train yourself, you can let them pass and soon forget them. Meditate often because it teaches you to allow your thoughts to pass through your mind. Learn to do that effectively and you'll eventually learn to allow any flashbacks/memories/thoughts to your past pass through your mind without indulging in them.
I coped well with it because I just pushed it back into my mind and didn't allow myself to think about. I became a completely ****ed up [almost] alcoholic when my family found out and didn't show any sympathy, They continued befriending the person who did it and it completely ****ed me over that I started binge drinking. I was molested when I was 8/9, then raped when I was 18, and then anally raped 10 months ago, yet I didn't experience direct trauma with any of those the way I did when my family chose my paedo cousin over me. I've never felt such pain in my life. I don't think I'll ever feel greater pain. Nothing will ever compare to that. I can handle being raped and having my body used and abuse for someone else's pleasure, but my family are meant to love me. Love = protection, or at least that's what those asshats working behind the scenes in my favourite fairy tales taught me. It's been 2 years since they found out and I should be over it, but I still cry about it. Hell, I've been sober for 20 months and yet a couple of weeks ago I started drinking heavily again because the anniversary of them finding out was coming up and I couldn't handle it.
The positive side of all that is that I'm so protective over my niece and nephew now. If I'm at a party or any relative's house with them, they never stay out of my sight. I don't care whose house it is or what cousin they're playing with, unless they're in a group or around a lot of people, I'm going to stay on their tail to make sure no one touches them where they shouldn't be touched. I feel the strongest urge in the world to protect children because no one protected me. For the last 4 years I stopped my life and gave up any future prospects, full time job interviews, education opportunities, etc. to continue working part time while I cared for my niece and nephew part time. No one protected me when I needed it the most so now I have the strangest saviour complex to help them and pretty much any underdog I come across.
What you need to remember, OP, is that it's only been 10 years since you had your experiences. You've still got 60-70 years to go. You've got literally an entire lifetime of experiences waiting to happen - both good and bad. Nothing will compare to what you went through as a child which is a good thing because you can use that as your strength. You've had some of the worst experiences a person could have. Use that to your advantage, develop a growth mindset, enable yourself to become a survivor. Only you can tell yourself what to think so learn to process your thoughts with optimism because everything that happened was in the past. Only your memories will haunt you, but if you train yourself, you can let them pass and soon forget them. Meditate often because it teaches you to allow your thoughts to pass through your mind. Learn to do that effectively and you'll eventually learn to allow any flashbacks/memories/thoughts to your past pass through your mind without indulging in them.
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by Vixen47
X.
As someone who's been in a similar position I would really encourage you to take a zero tolerance approach to alcohol. I have experience with this, and also dealing with others with trauma who turned to alcohol, and I can tell you now, using alcohol to help your piece of mind will ruin your life, and stop you being the aunt you want.
I am so so sorry to hear about your rape experiences. I would suggest dedicated training in self defence and martial arts, as well as strong attention to personal safety, to help prevent this from ever happening again.
i have been raped when i was 12/13 i cant really remember how old i was. then sexually assaulted when i was about 15. i still think about those instances. and couldnt even do that position i was raped in when i was with my ex psrtner for a couple of years. it was only when wed been together about 2 and a half years i felt safe.
i still struggle massively being around drunk men, especially older men. and i think this is a consequence of both those actions. i freak out whenever i think iv seen the guy that abused me. but wether thats because hes been convicted of mulyiple sexual assaults historically.
i still struggle massively being around drunk men, especially older men. and i think this is a consequence of both those actions. i freak out whenever i think iv seen the guy that abused me. but wether thats because hes been convicted of mulyiple sexual assaults historically.
