Advice about my insecurity

I don’t know if I’m even in the right sub-forum here but simply put I feel like my insecurity is affecting my whole life and has done for around 2-3 years now. I’m currently finishing year 11 and in year 7 something about my appearance was pointed out to me. Before this I didn’t even think about my appearance because I was quite a tomboy in primary school, but ever since it’s been my biggest insecurity and gets noticed everywhere I go.
This has really gotten to be as I’ve gotten older as of course hormones kick in and people get more and more judgment in high school. This has effected things like friendships where I’ve stopped talking to so many people because they won’t stop commenting on my insecurity and as much as I try to let it go over my head, I can’t help feel uncomfortable around them. I used to be a really confident kid and I wasn’t afraid to talk to anyone but no I find myself trying to blend in with the crowd because my first thought in any situations is everyone is just going to stare at my insecurity.
It’s stopped me from playing netball for example which I played at a high lever from year 6, but I would come home from training etc crying because I felt so judged and uncomfortable. I’ve cancelled plans with friends on the day because I wake up as just feel awful about my insecurity that I don’t want to go out. I recently turned down a sixth form induction day because I was so anxious about all new people just noticing me for my insecurity.
I’ve got a great close group of friends who understand this so well and are so supportive, without treading on egg shells around me and I’ve never been “bullied” about it. It’s more that people who are acquaintances or not so close friends that make comments about it regularly.
My family know but I don’t think they realise how it really is affecting every aspect of my life. I feel stupid talking about it because it’s an appearance thing and I don’t want to seem arrogant or unappreciative of how lucky I really am for good health etc, but it’s really getting to me and has been for years.
I’ve tried lots of things like hair growth serum which was never going to work yet I still spent £40 on and a lot of hope. That’s only the tip of the iceberg but now my prom is coming up and I’m even more anxious about how I’ll look and any photos.
Any advice would be great and sorry it’s so long to read, thanks.

I don’t know if I’m even in the right sub-forum here but simply put I feel like my insecurity is affecting my whole life and has done for around 2-3 years now. I’m currently finishing year 11 and in year 7 something about my appearance was pointed out to me. Before this I didn’t even think about my appearance because I was quite a tomboy in primary school, but ever since it’s been my biggest insecurity and gets noticed everywhere I go.
This has really gotten to be as I’ve gotten older as of course hormones kick in and people get more and more judgment in high school. This has effected things like friendships where I’ve stopped talking to so many people because they won’t stop commenting on my insecurity and as much as I try to let it go over my head, I can’t help feel uncomfortable around them. I used to be a really confident kid and I wasn’t afraid to talk to anyone but no I find myself trying to blend in with the crowd because my first thought in any situations is everyone is just going to stare at my insecurity.
It’s stopped me from playing netball for example which I played at a high lever from year 6, but I would come home from training etc crying because I felt so judged and uncomfortable. I’ve cancelled plans with friends on the day because I wake up as just feel awful about my insecurity that I don’t want to go out. I recently turned down a sixth form induction day because I was so anxious about all new people just noticing me for my insecurity.
I’ve got a great close group of friends who understand this so well and are so supportive, without treading on egg shells around me and I’ve never been “bullied” about it. It’s more that people who are acquaintances or not so close friends that make comments about it regularly.
My family know but I don’t think they realise how it really is affecting every aspect of my life. I feel stupid talking about it because it’s an appearance thing and I don’t want to seem arrogant or unappreciative of how lucky I really am for good health etc, but it’s really getting to me and has been for years.
I’ve tried lots of things like hair growth serum which was never going to work yet I still spent £40 on and a lot of hope. That’s only the tip of the iceberg but now my prom is coming up and I’m even more anxious about how I’ll look and any photos.
Any advice would be great and sorry it’s so long to read, thanks.

The best advice i can give is to embrace your insecurities, everyone insecurities for example i am the tallest girl in my year and people comment on it like i cant wear heels but they dont pay my bills so i aint paying them no mind. I dont know you but im sure you are beautiful inside and out and one day there will be someone out there who will love your insecurities. I dont think you should stress about them now because you are young as you get older and mature more youll understand to love your body. The insecurities stem from what we see in the media, like we all need to be a certain way but that isnt true. Take Marilyn Monroe for example she was a size 14 and people consider her to be one of the most beautiful people in the world.

I totally agree because social media does make me feel more conscious. Tall girls are beautiful just look at all of the top models and they’re all over 5’8! even though I shouldn’t be taking any notice of them lol Thankyou x

First of all, if it's affecting you, making you upset or affecting your day to day life then it is important and you completely have a right to feel upset about something that you find upsetting - any feelings you have are valid.
Personally i think being open and honest with your family can help immensely; even if its just one parent/guardian or a sibling - getting it off your chest can feel like a weight off your shoulders. Also if it's health related definitely go to your GP and see if there's anything happening there.
Also i feel like its important to know that many people have insecurities and so there are a lot of ways to handle them, for example, there are CBT courses or other counselling/therapy courses you might want to go to. There's nothing wrong with going to therapy, I know that there's still somewhat of a stigma around it but if it helps then you shouldn't ever feel ashamed about needing it.
It's also important to remember that being so aware of something yourself can make you feel like everyone else notices it too, when in reality only a few people may notice it and in the end they may not even care. If the comments make you feel insecure, there's nothing wrong with telling the person that you would prefer they don't mention it - most people are not dicks and will always take your feelings into consideration.
On a day to day level, one of the most important things is focusing on the positive relationships you already have with your friends and family, not your insecurities - although it will always be hard to ignore that little voice in your head, sometimes it helps to focus on one thing at a time. go to your lessons, learn, find the small moments with your friends at school. Don't make extravagant plans, its alright to just hang out at home and chill - but try not to let this stop you from doing things that you want to do. Try and fill your days with things that make you happy and just try to forget about it all, even if its just for a little while.
I hope this helps, I'm not that great giving advice but I thought I could at least try

xxxxxxx

I don’t know if I’m even in the right sub-forum here but simply put I feel like my insecurity is affecting my whole life and has done for around 2-3 years now. I’m currently finishing year 11 and in year 7 something about my appearance was pointed out to me. Before this I didn’t even think about my appearance because I was quite a tomboy in primary school, but ever since it’s been my biggest insecurity and gets noticed everywhere I go.
This has really gotten to be as I’ve gotten older as of course hormones kick in and people get more and more judgment in high school. This has effected things like friendships where I’ve stopped talking to so many people because they won’t stop commenting on my insecurity and as much as I try to let it go over my head, I can’t help feel uncomfortable around them. I used to be a really confident kid and I wasn’t afraid to talk to anyone but no I find myself trying to blend in with the crowd because my first thought in any situations is everyone is just going to stare at my insecurity.
It’s stopped me from playing netball for example which I played at a high lever from year 6, but I would come home from training etc crying because I felt so judged and uncomfortable. I’ve cancelled plans with friends on the day because I wake up as just feel awful about my insecurity that I don’t want to go out. I recently turned down a sixth form induction day because I was so anxious about all new people just noticing me for my insecurity.
I’ve got a great close group of friends who understand this so well and are so supportive, without treading on egg shells around me and I’ve never been “bullied” about it. It’s more that people who are acquaintances or not so close friends that make comments about it regularly.
My family know but I don’t think they realise how it really is affecting every aspect of my life. I feel stupid talking about it because it’s an appearance thing and I don’t want to seem arrogant or unappreciative of how lucky I really am for good health etc, but it’s really getting to me and has been for years.
I’ve tried lots of things like hair growth serum which was never going to work yet I still spent £40 on and a lot of hope. That’s only the tip of the iceberg but now my prom is coming up and I’m even more anxious about how I’ll look and any photos.
Any advice would be great and sorry it’s so long to read, thanks.

Hair growth serum.........for what. Don't change the way you look for others. Also being a tom boy is popular with the lads, maybe not so much with the girls tho.

Well done for sharing your innermost feelings, it's a quality in itself to show such bravery.
Year 11 can be tough, with lots of decisions and changes in your education and puberty on the horizon. You mention giving up playing netball, which is a shame when you say you were really good. It's a team sport where you support each other, are the rest of the team unwilling to do that or do you feel that they don't or won't? That's where the difference may lie. Your insecurity is starting to control you. It can be difficult to address, but you have shown such maturity in your writing that I'm sure you are able to try and control how you perceive the insecurity.
I am glad you have some close reassuring friends and your family may not realise how affected you are about your insecurity, so have a think about telling them how it's getting to you. You say you've felt like this for a number of years, so perhaps now plan to get some further help by visiting the doctor or school nurse (if you have one) to give you confidential and correct support and advice. Health is not just physical but mental too. Mental health is so important and it can really help to talk face to face with someone who is non-judgemental.
I can not tell you what to do, that decision is yours. You appear to be smart, unfortunately someone has planted the seed of doubt in your mind and it's taken over a bit, to the point that you've turned down an open day for future education. Please don't do this all by yourself, you have family and friends, but now put an action plan together and get some professional help so you can get that further education you deserve. I wish you well. Be strong. Take the first step. Reach your goal.

Thankyou I really appreciate what you’ve said. With netball it was a case of my insecurity started to affect how I’d play because I was so focused on that, so I felt really judged for it and not playing like normal. I think I definitely need to talk to someone more seriously about it and your advice has really helped me to realise how. Thanks again x

Haha Thankyou! The stupid serum was because my insecurity is to do with my forehead and I have really fair baby hairs at my hairline so my forehead looks bigger than it actually is. My theory was if I use this it will thicken the baby hairs so they’re actually visible, I was wrong lol!