Mentally exhausted about moving out for uni
**Apologises for the long post, a lot of emotions going on right now!**
For context I was a first year last year and had a really bad experience. I moved up north for uni, I found my flatmates before moving in through Facebook and we got along instantly, during freshers it was all good vibes too, we all went out together and never had any issues, if anything we all become so close I couldn't imagine us falling out but that's exactly what happened.
Just before Christmas I had met some girls on my course, I started hanging out with them more often as I got along with them just as well as I did my flatmates. I spent more time with them since we had lectures together, and would work on projects together after seminars etc.
I was also part of one of the sports teams, which both of my flatmates had done trails for too and didn't get in, since the day I got in they were pretty jealous of me... even though I wasn't enjoying myself on that sports team as I didn't really fit in with them, I had fit in way more with my course mates and flatmates
I ended up having a huge argument with my flatmates as they started treating me differently, singling me out etc as they didn't like that I was spending a lot of time with course mates instead. They would go to each others rooms and hang out without me, and it all stemmed from petty jealously. It was a case of two of the girls being jealous I got into the sport and because I hanged out a bit more with coursemates whilst I was away it became a formation of she's not here let's go 5 against 1 on her. Because I wasn't there the jealous girls used it to alienate me to the other flatmates. It was all super childish to say the least.
I wasn't one to sit around and it became so hostile that I was barely spoken to when I would go to the kitchen etc. I didn't care as I was planning to move in with the girls on my course in second year, and I was planning to move into my friends flat as she had an opening, as for sports my team also singled me out (somewhat but slyly) for reasons I can't really mention for anonymity but essentially the sportsmanship was not there at all, a lot of underlying cattiness between roles in the sport I was doing.
In the end, I just left because I did not think my course was right for me, flatmates were just a joke at this point and I felt there was nothing there for me, no incentive and I knew there were better options for me as my grades exceeded all entry requirements for any university that does my course/courses related to my subject. I also just wanted to be back in London with my hometown friends as I felt there were a lot of fake girls around me where I was at uni and I wanted to be back with family and true friends, it all overwhelmed me tremendously.
Flashback to now, I've had an amazing year off where I worked, traveled Europe, interned, lots of CV building that I could have missed out on if I hadn't of left uni! I have no regrets and it's the best decision I've ever made.
I also now have a secured unconditional place on a different course that has everything I've ever wanted in a uni course if not more, also in London. I applied only to London unis as I didn't want to move too far from my friends and family. I also wasn't planning to move out as after my horrible experience with flatmates, I swore to myself I wouldn't. My top choice ended up being an hour and a half away by tube, and my family life is pretty bad, so I made the decision to move out again as I thought this is really what I want, to move out.
As you can probably guess where this is going, I'm moving in now in only a couple of weeks and I've been having restless thoughts because I'm terrified of having to start again. Course I'm fine with, sports trails I'm fine with, independence is fine too. it's just flatmates. Last year I wasn't so anxious, as I had met the people I lived with previously. Even though it may have ended terribly, I wish I knew who I was living with this year because it puts my mind at rest. My new uni though, completely anonymous till you meet on the day face to face. 100% random allocation too.
I worry things like what if they don't like me, what if they become petty/against me again, what if I end up with all guys (as a girl, I would feel so uncomfortable), what if I end up not having anyone to live with in second year (My family life means I definitely don't want to be living at home in 2nd or 3rd yr). The only reassurance I have is well at least I still have friends and family in London so it's not too big of a deal, and it's my home city so I won't be homesick or feel lost.
I know everyone is on the same boat and will probably be friendly, and I'm an extrovert and confident in conversation so things like getting to know them all and hanging out with them isn't a problem at all, nor is freshers I drink and go out and love meeting new people. Social anxiety isn't the issue for me, but more the 'what if' and the uncertainty of what's gonna happen is what scares me
I just don't want to be a couple of months in being uncomfortable again or having to deal with so much unnecessary drama... sigh.
My plan is to move in, say hello, get to know everyone which should be fun since I've not met them but probably gonna be ******** myself up until I unlock that flat door and finally meet them. I'm planning to go early so I can be the first one and introduce myself as people come as it's much more relaxed. Plan to go to freshers of course and make friends with course buddies too. I'm not anal person or a complainer or anything, I'm super chill to live with, so when I look back to last year it was literally just girls out to hate on girls/jealousy?
Anyhow, I don't really know if I'm asking anything, but I guess I more just want advice on how to not be so worried. I've done this before, I've done things 10x scarier in my life and yet I've never been this worried. My previous experience has left me with a confidence knock down.
For context I was a first year last year and had a really bad experience. I moved up north for uni, I found my flatmates before moving in through Facebook and we got along instantly, during freshers it was all good vibes too, we all went out together and never had any issues, if anything we all become so close I couldn't imagine us falling out but that's exactly what happened.
Just before Christmas I had met some girls on my course, I started hanging out with them more often as I got along with them just as well as I did my flatmates. I spent more time with them since we had lectures together, and would work on projects together after seminars etc.
I was also part of one of the sports teams, which both of my flatmates had done trails for too and didn't get in, since the day I got in they were pretty jealous of me... even though I wasn't enjoying myself on that sports team as I didn't really fit in with them, I had fit in way more with my course mates and flatmates
I ended up having a huge argument with my flatmates as they started treating me differently, singling me out etc as they didn't like that I was spending a lot of time with course mates instead. They would go to each others rooms and hang out without me, and it all stemmed from petty jealously. It was a case of two of the girls being jealous I got into the sport and because I hanged out a bit more with coursemates whilst I was away it became a formation of she's not here let's go 5 against 1 on her. Because I wasn't there the jealous girls used it to alienate me to the other flatmates. It was all super childish to say the least.
I wasn't one to sit around and it became so hostile that I was barely spoken to when I would go to the kitchen etc. I didn't care as I was planning to move in with the girls on my course in second year, and I was planning to move into my friends flat as she had an opening, as for sports my team also singled me out (somewhat but slyly) for reasons I can't really mention for anonymity but essentially the sportsmanship was not there at all, a lot of underlying cattiness between roles in the sport I was doing.
In the end, I just left because I did not think my course was right for me, flatmates were just a joke at this point and I felt there was nothing there for me, no incentive and I knew there were better options for me as my grades exceeded all entry requirements for any university that does my course/courses related to my subject. I also just wanted to be back in London with my hometown friends as I felt there were a lot of fake girls around me where I was at uni and I wanted to be back with family and true friends, it all overwhelmed me tremendously.
Flashback to now, I've had an amazing year off where I worked, traveled Europe, interned, lots of CV building that I could have missed out on if I hadn't of left uni! I have no regrets and it's the best decision I've ever made.
I also now have a secured unconditional place on a different course that has everything I've ever wanted in a uni course if not more, also in London. I applied only to London unis as I didn't want to move too far from my friends and family. I also wasn't planning to move out as after my horrible experience with flatmates, I swore to myself I wouldn't. My top choice ended up being an hour and a half away by tube, and my family life is pretty bad, so I made the decision to move out again as I thought this is really what I want, to move out.
As you can probably guess where this is going, I'm moving in now in only a couple of weeks and I've been having restless thoughts because I'm terrified of having to start again. Course I'm fine with, sports trails I'm fine with, independence is fine too. it's just flatmates. Last year I wasn't so anxious, as I had met the people I lived with previously. Even though it may have ended terribly, I wish I knew who I was living with this year because it puts my mind at rest. My new uni though, completely anonymous till you meet on the day face to face. 100% random allocation too.
I worry things like what if they don't like me, what if they become petty/against me again, what if I end up with all guys (as a girl, I would feel so uncomfortable), what if I end up not having anyone to live with in second year (My family life means I definitely don't want to be living at home in 2nd or 3rd yr). The only reassurance I have is well at least I still have friends and family in London so it's not too big of a deal, and it's my home city so I won't be homesick or feel lost.
I know everyone is on the same boat and will probably be friendly, and I'm an extrovert and confident in conversation so things like getting to know them all and hanging out with them isn't a problem at all, nor is freshers I drink and go out and love meeting new people. Social anxiety isn't the issue for me, but more the 'what if' and the uncertainty of what's gonna happen is what scares me
I just don't want to be a couple of months in being uncomfortable again or having to deal with so much unnecessary drama... sigh.
My plan is to move in, say hello, get to know everyone which should be fun since I've not met them but probably gonna be ******** myself up until I unlock that flat door and finally meet them. I'm planning to go early so I can be the first one and introduce myself as people come as it's much more relaxed. Plan to go to freshers of course and make friends with course buddies too. I'm not anal person or a complainer or anything, I'm super chill to live with, so when I look back to last year it was literally just girls out to hate on girls/jealousy?
Anyhow, I don't really know if I'm asking anything, but I guess I more just want advice on how to not be so worried. I've done this before, I've done things 10x scarier in my life and yet I've never been this worried. My previous experience has left me with a confidence knock down.
