Sick of my life, but not even depressed
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My grandmother died of cancer
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I got touched up by a paedophile
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My dad nearly died
•
Diagnosed with bipolar
•
Binge drinking issues
•
Sectioned on and off for the best part of a year
•
Missed two years of education due to being sectioned
•
Went to redo my course this year, but was too unstable to do it (not sectionable, fortunately) and I chose the wrong course
•
Every single date I’ve been on hasn’t worked out
•
I have no real friends – all but two of them just use me when they have no one else (I only have four). One isn’t close to me either
•
Constantly struggled with social anxiety to the point of having panic attacks getting on a bus
•
My parents are control freaks and neurotic since my mental health issues started
•
Constant mood episodes – even though I’m on lots of medication
•
I’m incredibly ugly and gained 3st from my medication
•
I’m selfish, inconsiderate, envious, neurotic, socially awkward etc. I always have everyone else worried about me
•
To top it all off: I really fell for a guy, who kept putting sex off before eventually telling me he wasn’t attracted to me but didn’t want to hurt my feelings. We’re still close friends, but now he’s going on a date with another guy
The list is endless…
After it not working out with that guy, it’s pushed me over the edge. All I want is for one thing to work out for me. Just one thing. I don’t think I’m depressed, I just think I’m being realistic. My life is so **** that I'm sick of it. It’s definitely not depression, because depression isn’t caused by situations – depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain (I’ve been depressed before – this is nothing like it). I almost feel like I’m being punished by “god” (if there is one). I don’t want to speak to anyone in case they section me
•
My grandmother died of cancer
•
I got touched up by a paedophile
•
My dad nearly died
•
Diagnosed with bipolar
•
Binge drinking issues
•
Sectioned on and off for the best part of a year
•
Missed two years of education due to being sectioned
•
Went to redo my course this year, but was too unstable to do it (not sectionable, fortunately) and I chose the wrong course
•
Every single date I’ve been on hasn’t worked out
•
I have no real friends – all but two of them just use me when they have no one else (I only have four). One isn’t close to me either
•
Constantly struggled with social anxiety to the point of having panic attacks getting on a bus
•
My parents are control freaks and neurotic since my mental health issues started
•
Constant mood episodes – even though I’m on lots of medication
•
I’m incredibly ugly and gained 3st from my medication
•
I’m selfish, inconsiderate, envious, neurotic, socially awkward etc. I always have everyone else worried about me
•
To top it all off: I really fell for a guy, who kept putting sex off before eventually telling me he wasn’t attracted to me but didn’t want to hurt my feelings. We’re still close friends, but now he’s going on a date with another guy
The list is endless…
After it not working out with that guy, it’s pushed me over the edge. All I want is for one thing to work out for me. Just one thing. I don’t think I’m depressed, I just think I’m being realistic. My life is so **** that I'm sick of it. It’s definitely not depression, because depression isn’t caused by situations – depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain (I’ve been depressed before – this is nothing like it). I almost feel like I’m being punished by “god” (if there is one). I don’t want to speak to anyone in case they section me
I understand. I do. A couple of years ago my father died. My uncle died. My aunt died. A friend died. A mentor died. All in the space of less than a year - and my "friends" who I wholly expected to support me, did not. My upset was "boring". I was dis-invited to parties as I wasn't "fun". I was isolated, and alone, and I did not get up off the canvass for about 18 months. I wasn't depressed, I was broken. And all the while, I was desperately trying to get promoted at work and it wasn't happening for me, while other, less qualified people did get promoted. Every area of my life was a problem.
What can I tell you? That everything is better 2 years on. No, it's not. Life is unfair. Life is really awful sometimes. We all have terrible things that happen to us. And when sorrows come, they rarely come as single spies, but in battalions. We have to have real endurance and kindness to ourselves in facing those challenges. And if nobody else is in our corner during those times, we have to make sure we take care of ourselves.
So - we agree. Terrible things happen, and we feel overwhelmed by them. But guess what? You and me, we're still here. We are not defeated, and that says a lot.
When all those people died and were taken from my life in quick succession, I realised this: time is a finite resource. I can sit around feeling sad and bad, or I can live my life. My father was ill for a long time before he died, and every day I try and honour him by recognising that while I am still here, with all my faculties, all my limbs, all my talents, I can live a good a productive life. As Martin Luther King recognised, we don't have to be famous to be great, we can all be great in service to one another.
That's my best advice to you. Rise above what has happened to you and go and help others. Throw your talents, abilities, sense of injustice into that. Because while the music is still playing, you owe it to yourself, to get up and dance.
I wish you well.
[ul]
[li]My grandmother died of cancer[/li]
[li]I got touched up by a paedophile[/li]
[li]My dad nearly died[/li]
[li]Diagnosed with bipolar[/li]
[li]Binge drinking issues[/li]
[li]Sectioned on and off for the best part of a year[/li]
[li]Missed two years of education due to being sectioned[/li]
[li]Went to redo my course this year, but was too unstable to do it (not sectionable, fortunately) and I chose the wrong course[/li]
[li]Every single date I’ve been on hasn’t worked out[/li]
[li]I have no real friends – all but two of them just use me when they have no one else (I only have four). One isn’t close to me either[/li]
[li]Constantly struggled with social anxiety to the point of having panic attacks getting on a bus[/li]
[li]My parents are control freaks and neurotic since my mental health issues started[/li]
[li]Constant mood episodes – even though I’m on lots of medication[/li]
[li]I’m incredibly ugly and gained 3st from my medication[/li]
[li]I’m selfish, inconsiderate, envious, neurotic, socially awkward etc. I always have everyone else worried about me[/li]
[li]To top it all off: I really fell for a guy, who kept putting sex off before eventually telling me he wasn’t attracted to me but didn’t want to hurt my feelings. We’re still close friends, but now he’s going on a date with another guy[/li]
[/ul]
The list is endless…
After it not working out with that guy, it’s pushed me over the edge. All I want is for one thing to work out for me. Just one thing. I don’t think I’m depressed, I just think I’m being realistic. My life is so **** that I'm sick of it. It’s definitely not depression, because depression isn’t caused by situations – depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain (I’ve been depressed before – this is nothing like it). I almost feel like I’m being punished by “god” (if there is one). I don’t want to speak to anyone in case they section me
But there is one good thing about life and that is that you discovered TSR right ?
Where would we all be without it ? Lol
@ANM775
