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everything’s not great

hi, i have a lot on my chest now i need to get out. i have a lovely family and boyfriend and i am a very high achiever and i should be happy, but at the moment, i can’t?

everything has just been going wrong. one of my closest school friends overdosed and my life feels so empty. though my mental health is worsening, my parents took me off antidepressants, and then found out about my self-medicating, which they threatened to kick me out for, and made me quit my job. ive relapsed with my anorexia, which sucks as it’s ruining my family relationships and means i may lose £4,000 i spent to go on a hiking expedition. coronavirus outbreaks in italy also meant i couldn’t go on a school trip i’ve been looking forward to for a year, so again i lost £900. i feel unloveable and only good for sex, so constantly feel like i should break up with my boyfriend to save myself the pain later on. he also doesn’t want me to drink, which is a big coping mechanism for me. i don’t think i have real friends, and i can’t sleep because i won’t stop thinking. i don’t know what i want to be in the future and im worried im not going to be strong enough to go to uni, which is my dream. it’s been suggested i am put into care, but that stresses me out as i want to achieve in school.

all in all, im just not happy i guess. it’s just like every day has consistently got worse. any, idk, advice? people in similar situations?

Reply 1

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

Hey you that sounds a lot to be coping with.

It reminds me of the serenity prayer. " God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference". AA use it.

Its a lot for you to deal with and you do need to reach out and get some help as I think it will be much harder on your own.

1. MH you have a lot to deal with and should be getting help from the GP and a therapist/ counsellor. If your family are so great then why did they take you off medication and why would they kick you out? If they care for you then can they not see the anorexia or notice you arent eating properly? It doesnt sound helpful.

Why would they make you quit a job if you enjoyed it and saw the benefits?

I would be listening to the GP. You can also talk to a teacher or counsellor.
If the anti d were working, then I would be back on them. Its under GPs supervision so not seeing what their issue is and astonished considering they supposedly want the best for you and in fact are doing the opposite.
Their behaviour sounds puzzling.

Here are some helplines and guides that you can use. Normally its for a mix of depression or anxiety, but hard to say. I would just get to talk to someone you can trust and take it from there.

Helplines
Childline 0800 1111
1. Samaritans 116 123
2. https://kooth.com/ Online counselling
3. Papyrus HOPElineUK: 0800 068 41 41
Papyrus-uk.org
Support for those dealing with suicide, depression or emotional distress – particularly teenagers and young adults.
4. The Mix. 0808 808 4994. Sunday to Friday from 2pm to 11pm. webchat Sunday to Friday from 2pm to 11pm, and Saturday from 8pm to 11pm.

Depression and anxiety
Test
https://depression.org.nz/is-it-depression-anxiety/self-test/

Charities
https://www.nopanic.org.uk/no-panic-youth-hub/
https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/

Guides
Please look at these moodjuice guides on stress, anxiety and bereavement
https://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/professional/pdfGuides.asp

https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/selfhelp/selfleafpdf/depression
https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/selfhelp/selfleafpdf/loneli
https://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/selfhelp/selfleafpdf/anxipan
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-anxiety/

2. Anorexia

Different subject and imo one of the most serious probably linked to all the others, but you need specialist advice and understanding about why your relationship with food is that way. Its the one I would want to address as a priority.
Talk to the BEAT helplines, student or youth.

Helpline: 0808 801 0677
Studentline: 0808 801 0811
Youthline: 0808 801 0711

Helplines are open 365 days a year from 12pm–8pm during the week, and 4pm–8pm on weekends and bank holidays.

Theres also masses of downloadable information and guides about dealing with an EO.
https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/recovery-information/help-treatment

3. Bereavement

One of if not the toughest thing to deal with. Its hard to understand.
Its said its happened and you will have a variety of feelings, none of them are wrong.
If you know her parents maybe going round and expressing condolences or seeing if you can help or reminding them how nice your friend/ their child was or any tasks you can do will make you feel closer. of help and thus easier for you.

Be a friend and honour them by making the most of your own life as well. I doubt they would want you to worry or spiral down. Think of the best of them and them wanting the best for you.
You can talk to any of those helplines about this. Talking helps you share and some feedback makes you feel someone else knows and understands.

This is a small guide.
https://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/pdfGuides/Bereavement.pdf

4. The Trips
Its just money and not as important as the things above.
You also say may lose, which means it hasnt happened yet, which you can use as an incentive to get better.
Its a sign of the depression you think of the worst and start piling up as many bad things as you can find.

The way out is to prioritise and start looking after yourself. If it happens it happens, but more important is 1-3. Money you can replace, but your MH is different and more valuable to you and how you feel about the world.
The way to view it is 1. as an incentive to avoid the loss, but 2 if it does happen (after checking on any refund) is to tell yourself you can deal with that as well as MH is more important. Go another time. its just a trip.

The £900 trip is likely to be refunded if by corona virus or at least they should check insurance. Not as important as health.

5. Boyfriend
Have you told the bf about all you are going through? Maybe you should take a break from the sex and just be more tactile or even take some self time so you can recover or he can support, then you wouldnt have the only good for sex poor self esteem/ image and it stops being an issue? There comes a point with the depressive where you start using everything around you in a negative way to prove you were right all along about your unduly negative assessment.. Talk to him he might surprise you in a good way and actually be a friend?

Breaking up now is just the illogical depression being destructive. Just low self esteem, which you can tackle by starting to address the other issues above..

6. Alcohol

You might be using it to cope but it acts as a depressive, hence its better not to use it.
Its something you should mention to the helplines in 1 and 2 or your GP. I am worried your family have not caught on.
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-support/

7. Not having friends?
That can change once you tackle the other issues. You should be a much more balanced and stable person by then and much more knowledgeable about yourself plus have greater control. The other issues are more important and friends can come in time if you get things under control plus make sure your social skills are up to it.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Friends-Influence-People-Teen-Girls/dp/0743272773/ref=sr_1_18?keywords=friends+and+influence+people+carnegie&qid=1583116563&sr=8-18

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Teenage-Guide-Friends-Nicola-Morgan/dp/1406369772/ref=sr_1_6?keywords=friends+girls&qid=1583116659&rnid=1642204031&s=books&sr=1-6

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Teen-Girls-Survival-Guide-Solutions/dp/1626253064/ref=pd_sbs_14_6/258-2823891-5331410?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1626253064&pd_rd_r=6a727a18-418a-47bd-b949-959e3ce2126f&pd_rd_w=1ju7K&pd_rd_wg=SkJe9&pf_rd_p=96cae456-8d7a-4bc1-91c7-9b20b4dfd7c9&pf_rd_r=Y6AEPADHPBJCTX3FM30E&psc=1&refRID=Y6AEPADHPBJCTX3FM30E

Plenty of other interesting books at the bottom.

8. The future
There are plenty of books to help you decide on a career, its pretty easy.
What you need to do is deal with all the other issues, so you are physically and mentally able to get yourself to a place where you can study and get the qualifications you need to get to uni for the course/ career you want. If you could take a year off and start getting this all under control it could be a great investment in getting you better and your future. The EO is the one that would concern me most along with the drink as they pose physical and MH risks.

If you are a capable student then you can make it happen, even a mediocre one then with good application you can make it happen. Not if you dont deal with the other issues.

Careers- See if you can get any of these books at the careers library or they will have similar for you to read. Try and get ones aimed at your age group. If you cant find then just get second hand from Amazon.

https://nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/contact-us/home

https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Rocks-World-Jenny-Mullins/dp/1492153281/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1542391372&sr=8-1&keywords=what+rocks+your+world

https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-You-Are-Personality-Completely/dp/031623673X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1542391481&sr=1-1&keywords=do+what+you+are

https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Color-Parachute-Teens-Third/dp/1607745771/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1542391520&sr=1-1&keywords=what+color+parachute+teens

9. Avoiding care

If you risk care and dont want to go, then you need to start making some decisions which gives them enough confidence you are better off staying at home. That is down to you by getting help and starting to address the issues as outlined above. The more control you are in and the more real improvements you make the less likely it is to happen. Maybe your family just want you to be better, but maybe your current behaviour is difficult to deal with and they need to see you starting to help yourself instead of hiding things?

If you can address things, explain them to adults and stop some of the most destructive activities, then you can heal yourself, but it will take time and wont be overnight.

It is all very possible though and you can go to uni have friends and a career, plus be happy, but you are going to have to slowly help yourself by taking small steps towards positive targets and stop undermining or punishing yourself.
You have a lot going on, but if you break it down each issue can be tackled in turn, it will just take patience and determination. Not easy, but not impossible and 100% result if you dont give up.

Ok I think ive gone through every issue at least to id and show you who or how I might tackle each one. I hope you have the sense to read it and then get some help. take care and GL.