Starting third year of uni with social anxiety
In four weeks time I'm starting my third year of uni. These last two years I have done well academically, however, socially it has been a disaster. I have social anxiety so have basically spent two years locked in my room. First year was very lonely as all my flatmates became best of friends and I was left out. Second year was even worse as I had to live with strangers since I never made any friends in first year and I was stuck with the worst people possible, a bunch of girls not even in the same year at uni who met while working at McDonalds. They were very rude and complained a lot and I never once actually spoke to them.
In first year I attended every single lecture and for the first month made an effort to go out with my flat mates but since I never actually spoke to any of them one on one I slowly faded out. By the end of first year I was extremely lonely seeing all the groups of friends and worst of all the many many couples. At lectures everyone around me was with and talking to there friends and I was sitting by myself. I really badly wanted to make friends and get a girlfriend but I was too scared to talk to people.
Second year was even worse because even though first year was extremely lonely, I still had a schedule got up early showered daily did all my seminar work early etc but in second year I never went to any lectures only seminars since they are mandatory. All my seminars were afternoon so I often stayed up till crazy late times like 5-6 am every night when a year earlier I was in bed at 11.30. I was literally trapped in my room all the time except from going to seminars and even on campus I always came home depressed after seeing groups of friends and even worse, couples together. Working part time in a supermarket most customers on weekend evenings when I worked were just hundreds of uni couples which made me so depressed.
Despite being depressed on and off that wasn't really depression, just feeling sad in the moment. However in February I got so much worse the intesne loneliness was killing me also the belief that girls hated me. I was so lonely and depressed that I went home from uni which is 3 hours away, crying to my parents about how depressed and lonely I was. At the start of second year I said I was going to make a change and join societies to meet people but I never pushed myself to do so. Hearing all my neighbours including the girl next door to me have one night stands all the time was the worst pain I have felt in my life.
I saw a therapist in my second year but I only told him I had social anxiety. I never elaborated, I never told him I thought girls hated me which was one of my main issues, I never told him about my crippling panic attacks he literally just talked and talked and the most help he was was advising me on ways to gradually push myself to meet people at uni. I decided he didn't let me talk enough so when I go back in four weeks I'm finding another therapist and this time I will tell him everything.
The fact that there are so many couples at uni and almost every adult human being on this planet is married and most adults in the world are in some type of romantic relationship makes me so sad. On the few occasions I have been to nightclubs seeing tons of girls making out with guys they just met two seconds earlier, some even grabbing girls arses while they made out made me so jealous and I was literally fighting back tears. I had lots of girls eye me up the night and one even took my hand to dance but I was way too shy for that and turned away, something I deeply regret doing.
I ****ed this summer up and I hate myself for it. I had three and a half months to work on my mental health get some sort of online therapy, I could have even done exposure therapy since the supermarket I worked in at uni transfered me back to my home store for summer and there are a lot of young female new workers my age due to the pandemic, I could have pushed myself to talk to but I didn't. I could have made a list of my biggest fears this summer and tried to tackle them I wish I could go back to the start of the summer and do things differently.
How do I go about meeting people when I go back to uni in four weeks? All the lectures are online which is rubbish for me since I planned to make small talk with those sitting around me as a way to increase my confidence. Only seminars are in person and they will likely be in lecture halls so we are more spread out.I have no idea what is happening with societies when and how they will start back up again. The UK has improved greatly with coronavirus cases much much lower than April levels but we're not out of the woods yet. Does anyone know how UK unis will operate when they open back up and how this will effect my opportunities of meeting people? I really wish I could go back to the start of first year get a good therapist tell him everything and really really push myself to talk to people as scary as it is.
In first year I attended every single lecture and for the first month made an effort to go out with my flat mates but since I never actually spoke to any of them one on one I slowly faded out. By the end of first year I was extremely lonely seeing all the groups of friends and worst of all the many many couples. At lectures everyone around me was with and talking to there friends and I was sitting by myself. I really badly wanted to make friends and get a girlfriend but I was too scared to talk to people.
Second year was even worse because even though first year was extremely lonely, I still had a schedule got up early showered daily did all my seminar work early etc but in second year I never went to any lectures only seminars since they are mandatory. All my seminars were afternoon so I often stayed up till crazy late times like 5-6 am every night when a year earlier I was in bed at 11.30. I was literally trapped in my room all the time except from going to seminars and even on campus I always came home depressed after seeing groups of friends and even worse, couples together. Working part time in a supermarket most customers on weekend evenings when I worked were just hundreds of uni couples which made me so depressed.
Despite being depressed on and off that wasn't really depression, just feeling sad in the moment. However in February I got so much worse the intesne loneliness was killing me also the belief that girls hated me. I was so lonely and depressed that I went home from uni which is 3 hours away, crying to my parents about how depressed and lonely I was. At the start of second year I said I was going to make a change and join societies to meet people but I never pushed myself to do so. Hearing all my neighbours including the girl next door to me have one night stands all the time was the worst pain I have felt in my life.
I saw a therapist in my second year but I only told him I had social anxiety. I never elaborated, I never told him I thought girls hated me which was one of my main issues, I never told him about my crippling panic attacks he literally just talked and talked and the most help he was was advising me on ways to gradually push myself to meet people at uni. I decided he didn't let me talk enough so when I go back in four weeks I'm finding another therapist and this time I will tell him everything.
The fact that there are so many couples at uni and almost every adult human being on this planet is married and most adults in the world are in some type of romantic relationship makes me so sad. On the few occasions I have been to nightclubs seeing tons of girls making out with guys they just met two seconds earlier, some even grabbing girls arses while they made out made me so jealous and I was literally fighting back tears. I had lots of girls eye me up the night and one even took my hand to dance but I was way too shy for that and turned away, something I deeply regret doing.
I ****ed this summer up and I hate myself for it. I had three and a half months to work on my mental health get some sort of online therapy, I could have even done exposure therapy since the supermarket I worked in at uni transfered me back to my home store for summer and there are a lot of young female new workers my age due to the pandemic, I could have pushed myself to talk to but I didn't. I could have made a list of my biggest fears this summer and tried to tackle them I wish I could go back to the start of the summer and do things differently.
How do I go about meeting people when I go back to uni in four weeks? All the lectures are online which is rubbish for me since I planned to make small talk with those sitting around me as a way to increase my confidence. Only seminars are in person and they will likely be in lecture halls so we are more spread out.I have no idea what is happening with societies when and how they will start back up again. The UK has improved greatly with coronavirus cases much much lower than April levels but we're not out of the woods yet. Does anyone know how UK unis will operate when they open back up and how this will effect my opportunities of meeting people? I really wish I could go back to the start of first year get a good therapist tell him everything and really really push myself to talk to people as scary as it is.
Original post by Anonymous
In four weeks time I'm starting my third year of uni. These last two years I have done well academically, however, socially it has been a disaster. I have social anxiety so have basically spent two years locked in my room. First year was very lonely as all my flatmates became best of friends and I was left out. Second year was even worse as I had to live with strangers since I never made any friends in first year and I was stuck with the worst people possible, a bunch of girls not even in the same year at uni who met while working at McDonalds. They were very rude and complained a lot and I never once actually spoke to them.
In first year I attended every single lecture and for the first month made an effort to go out with my flat mates but since I never actually spoke to any of them one on one I slowly faded out. By the end of first year I was extremely lonely seeing all the groups of friends and worst of all the many many couples. At lectures everyone around me was with and talking to there friends and I was sitting by myself. I really badly wanted to make friends and get a girlfriend but I was too scared to talk to people.
Second year was even worse because even though first year was extremely lonely, I still had a schedule got up early showered daily did all my seminar work early etc but in second year I never went to any lectures only seminars since they are mandatory. All my seminars were afternoon so I often stayed up till crazy late times like 5-6 am every night when a year earlier I was in bed at 11.30. I was literally trapped in my room all the time except from going to seminars and even on campus I always came home depressed after seeing groups of friends and even worse, couples together. Working part time in a supermarket most customers on weekend evenings when I worked were just hundreds of uni couples which made me so depressed.
Despite being depressed on and off that wasn't really depression, just feeling sad in the moment. However in February I got so much worse the intesne loneliness was killing me also the belief that girls hated me. I was so lonely and depressed that I went home from uni which is 3 hours away, crying to my parents about how depressed and lonely I was. At the start of second year I said I was going to make a change and join societies to meet people but I never pushed myself to do so. Hearing all my neighbours including the girl next door to me have one night stands all the time was the worst pain I have felt in my life.
I saw a therapist in my second year but I only told him I had social anxiety. I never elaborated, I never told him I thought girls hated me which was one of my main issues, I never told him about my crippling panic attacks he literally just talked and talked and the most help he was was advising me on ways to gradually push myself to meet people at uni. I decided he didn't let me talk enough so when I go back in four weeks I'm finding another therapist and this time I will tell him everything.
The fact that there are so many couples at uni and almost every adult human being on this planet is married and most adults in the world are in some type of romantic relationship makes me so sad. On the few occasions I have been to nightclubs seeing tons of girls making out with guys they just met two seconds earlier, some even grabbing girls arses while they made out made me so jealous and I was literally fighting back tears. I had lots of girls eye me up the night and one even took my hand to dance but I was way too shy for that and turned away, something I deeply regret doing.
I ****ed this summer up and I hate myself for it. I had three and a half months to work on my mental health get some sort of online therapy, I could have even done exposure therapy since the supermarket I worked in at uni transfered me back to my home store for summer and there are a lot of young female new workers my age due to the pandemic, I could have pushed myself to talk to but I didn't. I could have made a list of my biggest fears this summer and tried to tackle them I wish I could go back to the start of the summer and do things differently.
How do I go about meeting people when I go back to uni in four weeks? All the lectures are online which is rubbish for me since I planned to make small talk with those sitting around me as a way to increase my confidence. Only seminars are in person and they will likely be in lecture halls so we are more spread out.I have no idea what is happening with societies when and how they will start back up again. The UK has improved greatly with coronavirus cases much much lower than April levels but we're not out of the woods yet. Does anyone know how UK unis will operate when they open back up and how this will effect my opportunities of meeting people? I really wish I could go back to the start of first year get a good therapist tell him everything and really really push myself to talk to people as scary as it is.
In first year I attended every single lecture and for the first month made an effort to go out with my flat mates but since I never actually spoke to any of them one on one I slowly faded out. By the end of first year I was extremely lonely seeing all the groups of friends and worst of all the many many couples. At lectures everyone around me was with and talking to there friends and I was sitting by myself. I really badly wanted to make friends and get a girlfriend but I was too scared to talk to people.
Second year was even worse because even though first year was extremely lonely, I still had a schedule got up early showered daily did all my seminar work early etc but in second year I never went to any lectures only seminars since they are mandatory. All my seminars were afternoon so I often stayed up till crazy late times like 5-6 am every night when a year earlier I was in bed at 11.30. I was literally trapped in my room all the time except from going to seminars and even on campus I always came home depressed after seeing groups of friends and even worse, couples together. Working part time in a supermarket most customers on weekend evenings when I worked were just hundreds of uni couples which made me so depressed.
Despite being depressed on and off that wasn't really depression, just feeling sad in the moment. However in February I got so much worse the intesne loneliness was killing me also the belief that girls hated me. I was so lonely and depressed that I went home from uni which is 3 hours away, crying to my parents about how depressed and lonely I was. At the start of second year I said I was going to make a change and join societies to meet people but I never pushed myself to do so. Hearing all my neighbours including the girl next door to me have one night stands all the time was the worst pain I have felt in my life.
I saw a therapist in my second year but I only told him I had social anxiety. I never elaborated, I never told him I thought girls hated me which was one of my main issues, I never told him about my crippling panic attacks he literally just talked and talked and the most help he was was advising me on ways to gradually push myself to meet people at uni. I decided he didn't let me talk enough so when I go back in four weeks I'm finding another therapist and this time I will tell him everything.
The fact that there are so many couples at uni and almost every adult human being on this planet is married and most adults in the world are in some type of romantic relationship makes me so sad. On the few occasions I have been to nightclubs seeing tons of girls making out with guys they just met two seconds earlier, some even grabbing girls arses while they made out made me so jealous and I was literally fighting back tears. I had lots of girls eye me up the night and one even took my hand to dance but I was way too shy for that and turned away, something I deeply regret doing.
I ****ed this summer up and I hate myself for it. I had three and a half months to work on my mental health get some sort of online therapy, I could have even done exposure therapy since the supermarket I worked in at uni transfered me back to my home store for summer and there are a lot of young female new workers my age due to the pandemic, I could have pushed myself to talk to but I didn't. I could have made a list of my biggest fears this summer and tried to tackle them I wish I could go back to the start of the summer and do things differently.
How do I go about meeting people when I go back to uni in four weeks? All the lectures are online which is rubbish for me since I planned to make small talk with those sitting around me as a way to increase my confidence. Only seminars are in person and they will likely be in lecture halls so we are more spread out.I have no idea what is happening with societies when and how they will start back up again. The UK has improved greatly with coronavirus cases much much lower than April levels but we're not out of the woods yet. Does anyone know how UK unis will operate when they open back up and how this will effect my opportunities of meeting people? I really wish I could go back to the start of first year get a good therapist tell him everything and really really push myself to talk to people as scary as it is.
Too tired for a full answer now, but good job on writing something intelligible and using paragraphs. Bit wordy, but suppose it let you get it all out.
Observations and advice will run soemthing like:
1. Realise the anxiety and depression has been with you for a long time.
2. Amy remedy is not going to be overnight or in this case over third year.
3. Be realistic about what you can achieve.
4. Start with an emergency coping plan to deal with your anxieties worst aspects.
5. Stop beating yourself up its dull and boring plus does you harm.
6. Be kind to yourself and some of that stress will vanish.
7. The world isnt against you, in a lot of cases it simply doesnt care.
8. Be careful about trusting your assessment of a situation because your anxiety clouds your judgement.
9. Identtify the outside things be it people or situations that have the most negative effect and learn how to deal with.
10. Identify things you can do to improve you day to day existsence and take baby steps to achieve them. Dont run before you can walk.
11. Look after your studies as you need to leave with soemthing.
12 accept some things are going to have to wait till after uni.
13. You cant change the past.
